Y’all Ain’t Gonna Believe This

, , , , , | Right | April 25, 2018

(I am from Texas. Two ladies walk up to the counter with their items they want to buy.)

Me: “Is that everything y’all will be getting?”

Lady #1: “What did you call us? You think just because we came here you can call us whatever you want?! Well, I tell you this: I will not let you do this. Let me speak to your manager! NOW!

Me: *stunned* “Okay.”

(I call my manager.)

Manager: “What is going on?”

Lady #1: “Your employee just called us some horrendous name that I dare not repeat. I insist that he is fired.”

Manager: *to me* “What did you say?”

Me: “All I said was, ‘Is that everything y’all will be getting?’”

Lady #1: “See! That word.” *hesitantly* “…y’all.”

Lady #2: *who has been quiet the whole time* “Is that what you have been ranting about? That is obviously a Texas accent!”

Lady #1: “No, it is not!”

Me, My Manager, & Lady #2: *in unison* “Yes it is.”

Lady #1: “No, you are all conspiring against me. No. I will not give in. NO!”

([Lady #1] then runs out of the store.)

Lady #2: “I am sorry for her.”

Me: “It is okay, but that definitely made my day!”

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The Number Of The Mistress

, , , , , | Romantic | April 7, 2018

(My store has a loyalty program with no card or keyring tag; we look customers up by their phone number. In cases where people are shopping for gifts and are not in the system or not interested in being in the system, we encourage people to give us the phone number of the parent of the child they’re shopping for, so they get the points for the purchase. For the sake of this story, we will say my husband’s phone number is (123) 456-7890.)

Me: “And your phone number for your rewards?”

Customer: “(123) 987-6543.”

Me: “Hmm, nothing under that number. Could it be under your home number?”

Customer: “Oh! It’s probably under my boyfriend’s number. He has kids! (123) 456-78—”

(At this point, my brain stops. I’m thinking, “This can’t be happening. She’s giving me MY HUSBAND’s phone number as her boyfriend’s. What are the odds of this happening?!”)

Customer: “—09.”

Me: *bursts out laughing in nervous relief* “Oh, you have no idea how relieved I am! I thought you were giving me my husband’s phone number! His is (123) 456-7890!”

Customer: *laughs hysterically* “That is great! I’m glad I’m not your husband’s mistress!”

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Unfiltered Story #107571

, , , , | Unfiltered | March 20, 2018

(I have just started working at a new job, and the training person is trying to get our badges so we can go in and out of the building without having to bother the security staff.)

Trainer: “Let me see if I got an email from Pete. The… badge guy.”

Me: “In this world there are goodge guys and badge guys.”

Trainer: “You’re a punny one, aren’t you?”

Coworker: “That’s illegal! She’s going to the pun-itentiary!”

Unfiltered Story #105191

, , | Unfiltered | February 10, 2018

A co-worker was checking out a guest who had a toddler in a stroller who was playing with some hot chocolate. He was a mess. It was extremely cute. The cashier mentioned it as I stood nearby. The mom said he got hot chocolate for going potty in public. I said, “He got hot chocolate for going potty in public? Where was this when I was in college?” We all had a good laugh. The boy kept making a mess of his hot chocolate.

A Budding Order

, , , , , | Right | February 1, 2018

(I am training a trainee on drive-thru, and we both get a really weird request. We work in a chicken restaurant where we sell chicken sliders.)

Trainee: “Thank you for choosing [Restaurant]! How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I would like an eight-piece meal, extra crispy, with mashed potatoes and mac and cheese.”

Trainee: “Okay, anything else?”

Customer: “Yeah, and I need two of those chicken buddies. You know, the chicken buddy things that you can get?”

Trainee: “I’m sorry. Could you please repeat that?”

Customer: “Oh, I wanted to get two chicken buddies with that, too.”

Trainee: *to me* “What the heck is a chicken buddy?!”

Me: *to customer* “I’m sorry, sir, but you were looking to get two slider sandwiches?”

Customer: “Yeah, the chicken buddies.”

Me: “We carry the slider sandwiches. Is that okay?”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll take that kind of chicken buddy.”

(The trainee is confused but goes back and makes the sandwiches.)

Me: “Okay, your total is [total]. Please pull around.”

(The trainee puts a bag of sandwiches on counter for me to hand out.)

Me: *to trainee* “Thanks, chicken buddy!”

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