Should Have Used The Online Psychic Service

, , , , | Right | September 17, 2018

(Our store has a system where you can purchase something online and come to the store to pick it up. A woman approaches the customer service desk where I am working.)

Customer: “Hi, I placed an order and I’m coming to pick it up.”

Me: “Okay, can I have a last name to search for it?”

(She tells me her name. Nothing is coming up in our system.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but nothing is showing in the computer that an order was placed. Are you sure you have the right store?”

Customer: “Well, when I was ordering online, I never paid for it. It should still be here, set aside, right?”

Me: “Actually, unless you pay for the items, our store doesn’t get an alert that an order was placed. You have to complete all the steps shown online for the items to be picked up here.”

Customer: “But that doesn’t make sense!”

Me: “Well, maybe next time just call ahead and have us place the items on hold for you.”

Customer: “But that still doesn’t make sense!”

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Getting To The Real Meat Of The Matter

, , , , , | Right | August 16, 2018

(A customer, carrying a package of buns and his receipt, comes to the help desk:)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Do these contain meat?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Are these made with meat?”

(He shows me his receipt; the description of the buns states that they are “hamburger” buns.)

Me: “No, sir. The name description is only a suggested use, not an ingredient.”

(A second customer behind him, who overheard our conversation, was almost doubled over trying to contain his laughter, making it almost impossible for me to not lose it until the first customer left.)

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Misunderstanding Of A Dollar-Printing Factory

, , , , , | Right | August 14, 2018

(I am working a morning shift behind my register when a disheveled man walks in and approaches the counter. He mumbles and slurs his words together when he talks, making him very difficult to understand.)

Customer: “I need a—” *incomprehensible*

Me: “Sorry, what was that?”

Customer: “I said I need a dollar!”

Me: *thinking he needs to exchange some bills or coins* “Okay, what do you have on you? And how would you like that?”

Customer: “Nooo, I need a dollar.”

Me: *now thinking he might need cash back* “Okay, you just have you buy something small, like a pack of gum or something. I can’t give out money directly from the register.”

Customer: *growing more frustrated* “NO! You see, I have four dollars. And I need five dollars. So, I need a dollar.”

Me: “Sir, I can’t just give out money from the register.”

Customer: *stares at me with a mixture of anger and confusion*

Me: “I can give you cash back or exchange money, but I can’t just give you a dollar. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “I can’t give you money out of my register.”

Customer: *stares at me again and finally leaves*

(I’m not sure why that dollar was so important, or why it’s so hard to understand that stores don’t just give money out to people who ask.)

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Mayor Of Candyland Shouldn’t Mix Up His Candies

, , , , , , | Right | June 26, 2018

(I work in a pharmacy. I have a regular customer who is rather eccentric, and usually wears the same clothing: a raccoon fur cap — complete with tail — and a denim jacket covered in buttons and patches depicting his niche interests. He also usually rides a store-provided mobility scooter. This day, he comes in wearing a pinstripe suit, a faux velvet top hat, and a plastic pendant on a red ribbon of the sort you might find in a child’s Dracula Halloween costume. He is also walking with a cane, not riding the scooter. It’s the end of a long day, and his outfit is so different from usual that I don’t recognize him at first.)

Me: “Hello, sir. May I have your name?”

Regular: *stares at me for a second* “[Regular].”

Me: “Oh! Mr. [Regular]! Sorry, I didn’t recognize you at first. You’re wearing a different hat!”

(I pull up his profile on the computer while exchanging pleasantries.)

Me: “I’m afraid you don’t have any prescriptions ready. Was there one you were expecting?”

Regular: “I just thought I’d stop by and see if any of my automatic refills were ready.”

Me: “Well, let me see…”

(I look at the relevant page of his profile and see that all of his maintenance medications are indeed set to auto-fill, but it’s still a few weeks before they’re due to be filled again.)

Me: “Looks like you should be good for a while. You should get a call when your prescriptions are filled. Do we have your correct phone number on file?” *repeats number*

Regular: “Yep, that’s the one.”

Me: “All right, then you’ll get a call letting you know when your prescriptions are ready. Thanks for stopping by, Mr. [Regular]. It was good to see you!”

(The regular walks away, making quite the picture with his top hat and suit. The next customer in line comes up to my register and stares after the regular for a moment.)

Customer: “Is he the mayor of Candyland?!”

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Needs More Help Than The Student Help Desk Can Provide

, , , , , | Learning | June 4, 2018

(I work at my campus library. This girl comes in at five, and I see her log into a computer and print a document. She then comes back in at nine, distressed.)

Me: “Hi. How can I help you?”

Student: “I can’t log on. I lost my password. Can you give me my password?”

Me: “I am sorry, but the library doesn’t give out passwords. I can log you in as a guest, if you like. Otherwise, I would check with Student Help Desk, since they are in charge of accounts.”

Student: “No! I want my password. Why can’t I get it?”

Me: “I do apologize, but our system doesn’t tell us student passwords. Those are handled by the Student Help Desk. You would have to go there for assistance. I can log you in on a guest account, but I cannot retrieve individual passwords.”

Student: “Where are they located? What are their hours?”

Me: “They are located in the science building. Here are their hours.”

(I hand her a sheet with their listed hours.)

Student: “They are closed at nine! They aren’t even open now. Can you go over there and open it for me?”

Me: “I am sorry, but I didn’t make their hours, and I do not work for them. You could always check with them tomorrow.”

Student: *glares* “That’s so stupid. If they are closed, why can’t you just go over and open it for me?! Now I can’t print my paper!” *storms out*

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