An Unbelievable Amount Of Believability

, , , , , , , , | Learning | January 5, 2018

(My history teacher senior year has been funny and easy-going all year. It’s two months until graduation, and he is starting to get tired of the “senioritis” going around.)

Teacher: “From now on, if I see a cell phone out, I am collecting it in this box. And once a week, I will choose one cell phone out of the box and smash it against the wall!”

(About a week goes by as normal. Then, one day, in the middle of watching a movie, the teacher turns it off.)

Teacher: “I have had enough of this! I have told, and told, and told this class. I am sick of telling this class that I do not want to see your phones out. I’m done.” *picks up the box from his desk* “Phones. In this box. Now.”

(He goes around the room, and everyone who has their phone out puts it in the box.)

Teacher: *getting back to his desk* “Are you finding this funny? Would you find it even funnier if I just dumped these in the garbage can?” *picks up a phone and holds it over the garbage can* “Would that just make your day?”

Student #1: “You won’t do it!”

Teacher: “Won’t I?”

Student #2: “You won’t do it!”

Teacher: “I could just take these and start throwing them in here. Would that be funny to you?”

Student #1: “Well, you’re not going to do it, so…”

(Instead of dropping the phone, the teacher spins around and flings it at the wall. It breaks and falls to the floor in pieces.)

Teacher: “Was that funny?”

Student #1: “Dude, that was my phone!”

Teacher: “Did you find that amusing?”

Student #1: “You broke my phone, you a**hole!”

Teacher: “Get out! Get out of this classroom, now! Just get out of my sight!”

Student #1: “I don’t want to be here, anyway!”

(He runs out of the room and slams the door. Everything is completely silent for a moment.)

Teacher: “[Student #3], would you come here a minute?”

Student #3: *does so, looking confused because he’s been cooperative this whole time*

Teacher: “Remember back in September when I told you I could get you to believe something completely unbelievable?”

(By now the teacher was grinning like a fool. The student who left came back into the room, also grinning. He was in on it, as was another student who brought in an old cell phone for use in the prank. After explaining this, the teacher didn’t go back to teaching, but let us talk for the rest of the class. I guess he was having some “end of year fever,” too!)

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No Refunds, No Ifs, No Peanuts

, , , , , | Right | January 1, 2018

(A man calls my coffee shop on a Monday morning.)

Caller: “Yeah, my wife had some problems with an iced coffee.”

Me: “Okay, what happened?”

Caller: “She got one of those peanut butter [blended drinks] and she said it was really watery.”

Me: “Okay, her drink was too watery. What would you like me to do about this?”

Caller: “I want you to replace the drink.”

Me: “Well, I haven’t made any of those today, so I’ll have to pass you–“

Caller: “It was last night. She got it last night.”

Me: “Sir, this store isn’t open on weekends.”

Caller: *click*

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Wish You Could Swipe Left With Customers

, , , , , | Right | December 12, 2017

(I work as a cashier. Our system allows for a transaction to run on multiple forms of payment, but the cashier has to hand-key the amounts and methods. If I don’t key it and the customer swipes their card, the system automatically assumes the whole transaction is running through that card.)

Customer: “Can I pay for [item] on one debit card, and the rest on another?”

Me: “Sure thing; I just have to key it in. Wait to swipe your card until I tell you.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

(I begin to type, but I’m only two keys in when she swipes.)

Me: “Oops, can you hit cancel? I need to type in the amount before you swipe.”

Customer: “Sure.”

Me: “All right, don’t swipe until I tell you.”

Customer: “Got it.”

(I begin typing again, and she swipes before I’m done again. I cancel the payment from my keyboard.)

Me: “Ma’am, please. If I don’t type everything in before you swipe, the whole payment goes on that one card.”

Customer: “Oh, okay!”

(I type as fast as I can, but not fast enough, apparently.)

Me: “Ma’am, please hand me your card. I’ll just swipe it over here.”

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Must Have Missed That Detail From The Old Testament

, , , , , , | Related | December 8, 2017

(My family is playing a fast-paced game where you need to get another person to guess a word or phrase. My uncle is trying to get my dad to guess a phrase.)

Uncle: “What Joseph’s father gave to him.”

Dad: “A coat.”

Uncle: “Yeah, but if he were an octopus.”

Dad: “A coat of arms!”

Uncle: “Yes, that’s it!”

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Not Tipped For Great Things

, , , , , | Right | December 7, 2017

(One coworker and I are finishing up working a dinner at a country club with a dozen adults who have been drinking and very needy all evening.)

Customer: “Thank you both so much for your help this evening; you were absolutely wonderful, and so kind to us!”

(The customer hugs both of us as the party is leaving. After cleaning up the tables, my coworker picks up the check.)

Coworker: “Guess how much their bill was?”

Me: “I’m afraid to ask.”

Coworker: “$1,017.”

Me: “Oh, my gosh! What did they tip?!”

Coworker: “Nothing. At all.”

(I suppose some people think that a “thank you” is enough for servers who live off of tips, even if that was the only group my coworker and I were able to serve all night.)

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