Not What They Mean By A Dollar-Printing Factory  

, , , , , | Right | January 4, 2020

I work for a bank as a travelling teller. I go to one of my branches in the area for the day and encounter a number of dumbfounding experiences. This one woman, though, takes the cake.

She approaches my window asking to exchange one of her $100 bills for a newer, crispier one. No problem at all, so I grab a brand-spanking-new $100 bill and ask if she would like an envelope to keep it looking nice, as she said it was for a gift.

She snatches it from my hand, inspects it closely, and throws it on the counter, dissatisfied, saying that it isn’t new, and she needs a new one.

Confused, I oblige in her request to go through all the $6,000 in $100 bills my coworker and I have. Again, none are up to par for her, so I politely tell her that we have gone through everything we have, and perhaps she could try a different branch? Mind you, we have quite a few brand-new bills, but she is under the impression they are not new.

She responds to me with, “Well, you went back in that little room to get more to show me; why can’t you just print me a new one?” I can’t do anything but look at her with a dead stare and contemplate whether she is serious or not. When I finally respond that we can not print her a new $100 bill, she gets very angry and leaves in a huff.

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Aye, There’s The Stub 

, , , , , , , | Romantic | January 2, 2020

This awkward story was told to me by my grandfather.

Back when he was still working, a coworker of his unexpectedly died. Eventually, the widow came in to collect his belongings. Two employees accompanied her to his locker: the dead man’s supervisor and my grandfather to serve as a witness. The company policy was that neither of them could touch anything in the locker, just open it and visually confirm she took everything so they couldn’t be accused of stealing something.

The supervisor opened the locker, and they both stepped back to let the widow remove the stuff inside. The first thing she picked up was a stack of old pay stubs. At first, she stared at them, looking confused. As she flipped through them, she looked more and more disturbed. Eventually, she grew enraged and screamed in fury, “THAT B*****D! All these years, he told me he never got a raise and kept giving me the same money to take care of the kids and the house, and he’s been holding out on me all this time!”

Neither my grandfather nor the supervisor knew what to say, so they said nothing, just let her rant. I really can’t think of what I would have said, either!

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Stranger Danger At Level 99

, , , , , , , | Friendly | December 28, 2019

I don’t remember this story at all, but my mother loves to tell it.

I’m four and my brother — my first and, at the time, only sibling — is a baby. We’re at the grocery store with my brother in the front seat of the cart and me “helping” Mom push it. Some old guy walks up and starts cooing over the baby — nothing new. Then, he turns to me and says, smiling and laughing, “If you don’t be a good girl and help your mommy, I’m gonna take your brother away!”

I react the way any responsible big sister would: I flip out! I push the cart as far away as I can, flail, cry, yell, stomp, and scream my head off, doing my very best to raise as much Hell as I can at my size.

Naturally, my mother’s first priority is calming me down. Once she’s assured me that no one is taking my brother anywhere and gotten me to relax, she rounds on the guy, demanding to know what in the h*** he was thinking saying that to a little girl! The guy just shrugs and says, “I thought she’d find it funny. Usually, whenever I tell little kids that, they always tell me to go ahead and take the baby.”

How much did this guy contribute to the Stranger Danger panic of the 80s and 90s?!

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Might As Well Be Stealing From Santa’s Cart

, , , , , , | Right | December 26, 2019

(It’s Christmas time and online orders are coming in like crazy. I am pulled to help find items for the orders around the store. We have specialized carts for fulfilling online orders that look nothing like regular shopping carts or even the employee-only carts. I am in the infant department with my cart trying to find an outfit for an order when a woman wanders over to me.)

Customer: “It is just wonderful how you guys put out these clearance carts so there’s more product on the floor even when the clearance section is full. I love looking through what you guys have.”

Me: “Are you referring to this cart right here?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Ma’am, these carts are for picking online orders. All the items in these carts are already paid for and purchased by other customers.”

Customer: “I had no idea. I’ve been taking things I’ve liked for years!”

(Now I know why sometimes when we go to pack the orders, some things are missing, which causes us a lot of frustration.)

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Dropping You Off In The Hotel

, , , , , , | Learning | December 5, 2019

My son is in his high school band. They were on a band trip from Pittsburgh to Lancaster, Pennsylvania. He was sending texts about how bad their bus driver was. She couldn’t get out of the high school parking lot without trouble. At a rest stop, she went in the wrong way to a restaurant.

A few hours later, he texted that everyone was all right, but they were in an accident. One person got hit with a small piece of safety glass when a window broke, but she was fine. The driver was in a tight space and couldn’t turn around, as she was having a very tough time of it. My wife texted asking how close he was to the hotel. His answer was, “Touching it.”

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