You Will A-Dress Me As “Ma’am”

, , , , , , | Right | October 15, 2019

(My friend and I are both transgender. Every month, we go to the theater together, and we always eat at a certain fancy restaurant beforehand. We have a very sweet regular waitress who has addressed us as women from the start. One night, an elderly gentleman at a nearby table calls our waitress over.)

Elderly Man: “You realize that those two are men, right? Why are you calling them ‘ma’am’?”

Waitress: “I don’t know what you’re talking about, sir.”

Elderly Man: *louder* “They’re men in dresses! They may be queer, but you should still call them ‘sir.’”

Waitress: “They look like ladies to me, sir. And they’ve never told me otherwise.”


Waitress: “So, how is everything, ladies?”

Me: “It’s wonderful, and thank you for what you said to that man.”

Waitress: *blushing* “I don’t know what you’re talking about, ma’am.”

(We left a huge tip that night.)

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When The Druggies Of The Sixties Expect Common Sense Now

, , , , , , | Right | October 6, 2019

(While working in my department, I overhear an elderly woman complaining to her son.)

Woman: “I honestly don’t understand how these people nowadays don’t have common sense. When I ask for Tylenol, they should know I mean acetaminophen and direct me to the generic stuff. What kind of level of stupidity is our nation stooping to?”

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Discount Or Dismount?

, , , , , | Right | September 28, 2019

(An older man comes up to the counter where I am currently ringing. On either side of me are the other two shift managers; both are distracted by work-related things, leaving me alone to ring. The man has with him an older engineering book that is rather high in price.)

Customer: “Is there any discount on this?”

Me: “We don’t have any discounts right now, but let me see if I can knock off a few bucks for you.”

(While I’m looking at the date, we price the book and the condition, the man bemoans about how old it is, and that it’s too high, and that there’s a small tear on page whatever, essentially trying his best to find a discount by any means necessary. Just as I decide to give him 10%, he comes out with this gem.)

Customer: “What if I let you ride me like a horse?”

Me: *stares at him in alarm for a good ten seconds before firmly saying* “SIR. That is not appropriate whatsoever to say to me. I don’t want you saying anything like that to my staff here, either. Now then, you’ll be taking this book today, right?”

Customer: *stutters* “I… Well, yes, I am sor—”

Me: “GREAT.” *scans book* “That’ll be [total]! Credit or cash today, sir?”

Customer: “Cash, um, yeah, I only meant—”

Me:Awesome. Do you need a bag today, sir?”

Customer: *gets the hint and nods, giving me the cash and eventually leaving*

Other Two Managers: “DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?!”

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Get A Discount As It Has A Crack

, , , , , | Right | September 19, 2019

(I am a cashier. A lady comes through my line with a trash can in the top of her cart and a bag of dog food on the bottom. I come around with my scanning gun.)

Customer: “I have dog food on the bottom.” 

Me: “That’s what I am scanning now.” 

Customer: “Oh, I thought you were just going to scan my can.” 

Me: “Let’s just rephrase that.”

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Helen Keller Trying To Get To School  

, , , , , , | Right | September 2, 2019

This happened some thirty years ago. I was working for a TV station. In winter, when bad weather caused school closings, they would show the closings at the bottom of the screen. In bad weather, this could take 30 minutes or more to cycle through. We would invariably get people who did not want to watch and would call in to get the information. We had to refuse, as there were just too many people out there and the stations wanted people to watch. One call stuck out.

When told they would have to watch, they told me they were blind, so I had to tell them. I happily explained that we were also announcing the closings on our sister radio stations. They said that would not work as they were deaf also; remember, this is over the phone. 

I gave them the information in sign language.

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