I am standing in line at checkout, minding my own business. Because of social distancing and the length of the line, I am inside one of the aisles. Behind me is a man in his fifties or sixties who only has two items. He comes to stand RIGHT BESIDE ME to look over at the Twenty Items or Less lane. I allow this for about ten seconds before I feel the need to speak up.

Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

Man: “Yeah, I’m just checking the other lane.”

Me: “I figured. Can you please step back?”

Man: *Dismissively* “Oh, I’m fine.”

Me: *Stern* “Please keep six feet away.”

The man glares at me as though I just cursed at him and goes to stand a few feet behind me.

Man: “It’s not a big deal!”

I’m feeling fed up at people not taking this seriously.

Me: “I have asthma. My clients are mostly in their eighties or nineties. It is a big deal.”

Man: “Yeah, well, whatever, go talk to someone else.” *Mutters*

I’m thinking that he’s the one he needs to be spoken to about this, as I turn to face forward.

Me: “Just asked you to respect my space.”

Man: “How about you respect my space?!”

Me: *Incredulously* “YOU WERE THE ONE IN MY SPACE.”

The next few minutes are quiet. Because this store is popular but can only operate every other lane, the lines can be a bit long. I can barely hear customer service yelling for people with fewer than ten items to approach. I figure I’ll be the Mature Adult in this situation.

Me: *Turns around* “Hey, sir? They’re accepting ten items and less up at customer service.”

The man pointedly stares away.

Me: “Sir? You can go to customer service and you don’t have to wait long.” *Pause* “Sir, I’m trying to offer a peace branch; are you seriously ignoring me?” *Pause* “You’re ignoring me.”

I turned back around and just shook my head. I tried to be a Mature Adult, but it’s near impossible when you’re dealing with a Man Child!

I’m a female who has worked at this hardware store for almost four years. We cut keys for customers. An older guy comes into the store.

Me: “Hello there. What can I help you with today?”

Customer: “I bought these keys at a car show and I brought them in to get cut for my car the other day. Some other girl was here and they are not working.”

Me: “Okay, let me take a look at the keys.”

He gives me his original keys and then the keys he brought in that he bought at the car show. I take a look at them, and just by looking at them, I can tell that they are not the right key blanks for his car.

Me: “These keys are not the right key blanks for your car; that’s why they are not working.”

I go show him how they are different. The customer starts to interrupt me.

Customer: “They are the right keys, d*** it. I got them at the car show so they are right.”

Me: “Well, if you look closely, the grooves don’t match up on your original keys.”

Customer: “THEY ARE THE RIGHT KEY BLANKS!”

I ding the bell to get someone up front with me. My boss comes up and I explain what is going on. My boss looks at the keys.

Boss: “Yeah, they are not the right keys. They don’t match up to your original set of keys. You bought the wrong ones.”

The customer just looked at me, and all I wanted to say was, “I TOLD YOU SO!”

After the guy left, my boss asked if I’d told him that, and I said yes but he was insisting that I was wrong. I said to my boss, “I don’t have a d**k so he wouldn’t listen to me.”

To make a long story short, due to the health crisis, I end up needing to get my six-month cleaning done at a dentist I’ve never been to before. As expected, a ton of precautions are in place: waiting outside, wearing a mask until they actually start working inside your mouth, the employees wearing extra protection, etc.

I get checked in, x-rayed, and seated in the chair just fine. Among the equipment in the room is a long metal arm with joints for maneuvering and a cone at the end. When the hygienist pulls the arm around and positions the cone a few inches away from my face; I assume it’s a light.

However, before the hygienist turns it on, she explains that it’s a “suction device” to prevent germs from escaping. Nice precaution, but as soon as she says “suction,” I can feel my eyes bug out because, knowing that’s its purpose, the shape suddenly looks VERY familiar.

Me: “What?! But… it looks exactly like the Scream Extractor from Monsters, Inc.!”

Hygienist: *Laughing* “Yeah, a lot of people have been saying that. I never saw that movie, so I didn’t get it, but I just watched it a few days ago and went, ‘Oh, my gosh, yeah. We have the Scream Machine.’”

So, I had my cleaning done with a loud vacuum running a few inches from my face, and I left very grateful that they had seen me and with a hilarious story to text to the siblings.

I work at an international company which is slowly going bankrupt, but as we are one of the best stores in our district and one of the better ones in the country, our store is not closing any time in the foreseeable future.

Customer: “When are you closing?”

Me: “Ten pm.”

Customer: “No, when are you closing?“

Me: “The store closes at ten pm.”

Customer: “No, when are you closing for good?”

Me: “We’re not?”

Customer: “No, no. When are you closing?”

Me: “Ma’am, we’re not closing permanently.”

Customer: “Yes, you are! When are you closing?”

Manager: “We’re not closing.”

Customer: “You’re wrong!“

Related:
Not Going Out Of Business But Going Out Of My Mind

It is 2013. A customer has come in to trade in a Nintendo DS Lite and several games. I am finishing up his transaction.

Customer: “So, this is a PS3, right?”

Me: “What is, sir?”

Customer: “This thing that I’m trading in. Isn’t it a PS3?”

Me: “No, sir, this is a Nintendo DS.”

Customer: “Oh. The PS3 is the latest version, then.”

Me: “You’re thinking of the 3DS. The PS3 is the large black system over there.”

Customer: “Oh, so, that one that says it comes with The Walking Dead and is $199 is the 3DS?”

Me: “That’s the PlayStation Vita. The 3DS is the one above it.”

Customer: “Oh. What’s the Vita?”

Me: “It’s the handheld gaming system from Sony that—”

Customer: *Cutting me off* “Do you think I should get one?”

Please, if you don’t know what something is, don’t just spend $200 on it.