Experienced With The Questioning Of Experience

| WA, Australia | Working | January 11, 2016

(I’ve come in to get a relatively new septum jewellery change, which is free from the place where I got my piercing. I’m lying down waiting for the piercer to finish prepping, and we’re just chatting.)

Piercer: “Been doing much today?”

Me: “Nope, just cruising. Have you been working long?”

Piercer: “As in today, or in general?”

Me: “Today.”

Piercer: “Only about two hours.”

Me: “Oh, not too bad, then. No, I was actually just going to lie here and question all your experience.”

Piercer: “You’d be surprised how many people do that.”

Me: *in a mock-aggressive voice* “You ever done this before, punk?”

Piercer: *in a mock-timid voice* “It’s only my first day! Be nice!”

A Piercing Observation

| Sweden | Working | September 15, 2015

(I’m helping my friend pick out some new earrings and everything has been pretty normal up until this point.)

Cashier: “Hey, do any of you want to pierce your nose?”

Me: *laughing* “No, I don’t think my parents would like that.”

Cashier: “But you’ve already got a few!”

Me: “Huh? No…”

Cashier: “You’ve got one right there!” *points at a fairly large mole on my upper lip*

Me: “That’s a mole.”

Cashier: “Oh, okay.” *goes back to tidying a case like nothing happened*

(It’s kind of scary to think that a guy like him does piercings for a living.)

Next Time Will Nose Better

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Right | August 6, 2015

(Due to my extreme social awkwardness, I am the bad customer in this story! I work in a call centre and am mentally programmed to use a certain phone manner. On this day, I am wandering along my local shopping strip when I decide I want to get my nose pierced. I walk into a tattoo parlour.)

Me: “Hi! I’m looking to get my nose pierced.”

Tattooist: “Oh, our piercer isn’t at work today, but she’ll be back tomorrow.”

Me: “Oh, that’s okay. Today is my only day off, but thank you for your help.”

(I walk outside and search for piercers on my smartphone. A location nearby shows up, and I call the number.)

Me: “Hi! I’m looking to make an appointment to get my nose pierced.”

Voice On The Phone: “Uh… our piercer isn’t working today.”

(I suddenly realise I’ve called the exact same shop I had just been into, and am now standing outside of in full view. I am so embarrassed that I panic and forget what to say.)

Me: “Oh… uh… thank you for calling! Goodbye!”

(I abruptly ended the call and turned to walk away, but accidentally made prolonged, awkward eye contact with the tattooist through the shop window before I finally left. At least I might have given him something to laugh about!)

Not The Most Piercing Observation

| Cedar Rapids, IA, USA | Right | May 15, 2015

(A lady has come in to get her tongue pierced. At the moment, she has been looking at jewelry while our lead piercer sterilizes her jewelry.)

Customer: “You guys have a lot of jewelry on sale!”

Me: “We certainly do. We switched to implant grade titanium and these pieces were left from before the switch.”

Customer: “That’s cool! I just don’t understand how someone could wear this piece. I feel like they would bite it.”

Me: “We’ve never had that problem. Mainly because it’s a belly button ring. “

Don’t (Mi)Stress Over It

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Right | July 8, 2014

(Most of the clients are 18-year-old girls getting their navels done or university students wanting unusual cartilage piercings. It is a really friendly place with a good reputation. I get a call:)

Caller: “Hello? I was wondering if your studio has specific facilities?”

Me: “I’d be happy to help, sir. What kind of facilities—”

Caller: *cuts me off* “DON’T CALL ME SIR.” *in deadly serious whisper* “Call me mistress.”

Me: “Ah… yes, mistress?”

Caller: “That’s better. Is the studio sound-proof?”

Me: “No, mistress. I can’t say that it is.”

Caller: “I see. Does it have restraints?”

(The man in question goes on to ask an increasingly creepy list of demands. It turns out he’s a professional dominatrix and apparently people pay money to live with him and be his ‘slaves.’ Needless to say we weren’t what he was looking for, so I suggested he contact a few establishments located in the ‘sex industry’ areas of the city, who might be able to help.)

Me: “… anyway, mistress, to sum up for you, we just don’t do that sort of thing here. I hope [Other Business Names] will be able to assist you.”

Caller: *absolutely delighted* “Oh, you have been so helpful! Please, call me by my Christian name: Mistress Alexi!”

Boss: *after telling her all about it* “I’m pretty open-minded, but no way in h*** is there anything Christian about that!”

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