I was shopping with my niece at a local used bookstore I’d been frequenting for years. I had a few books to trade in, so I stopped by the employee at the register while my niece headed straight to the books. I greeted the employee at the register and we got to talking about our families. I should mention that I work with medically fragile children and I’ve been told that my usual speaking voice is very soft and gentle out of pure habit.

Eventually, I went wandering through the bookshelves, and I could hear my niece on the other side of the section I was in talking to someone who turned out to be an employee I’d seen a few times but never interacted with.

Niece: “But my auntie always says it’s okay.”

Employee #1: “Look, just tell her this isn’t a library. You don’t want it, don’t take it.”

Niece: “But how do you know you like it if you haven’t read it yet?”

Employee #1: “What are you, r******d? I said don’t grab so many books if you don’t know what you want!”

Niece: “But how do you know what you want if you’ve never read them?”

My niece didn’t sound upset, just confused. Just the same, I rounded the corner quickly to see what was going on. I came upon the employee apparently trying to take some books out of my niece’s hands while my niece was holding them behind her back to protect them and backing away from her.

Then, the employee placed one hand on top of my niece’s head to keep her in place and reached for the books again. I will confess that I absolutely overreacted at seeing that. I shouted in a very loud voice:

Me: “GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR G**D*** MIND?!”

The employee literally jumped away from my niece and ran to the back of the store. The employee from the register came running, along with a few other customers, to see what the screaming was about. He looked shocked.

Employee #2: “Who was shouting? What’s going on?”

Me: “That woman was holding onto [Niece] and trying to take books away from her! You tell her to keep her hands off other people’s children before she winds up in a body cast!”

[Employee #2] looked even more shocked.

Employee #2: “That was you yelling? I thought it was an angry lumberjack or a bear! Wait. She did what?”

Niece: *Still calmly* “I was picking a few books and she said I could only have one. Then she tried to take them all away.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I watched her put her hands on [Niece] and I lost it.”

Employee #2: “No harm done. I just can’t believe that was you! You were actually snarling.”

Niece: “Daddy says Auntie only goes Mama Bear when she’s with us. One time, this big man at the pizza buffet pushed [Nephew] out of line to cut, and Auntie made him say he was sorry. Daddy said that man needed new pants. Auntie, why did that man need new pants?”

I could feel myself turning red, and the other customers who’d run over were now chuckling and leaving.

The employee promised to call the owner and let them know about what happened. He also offered to give my niece her books for free, but I insisted on paying for them.

The next time I came into the store on my own, I ran into a completely different employee who also knew me as a regular. She was helping another customer when I came in and stopped mid-sentence to say:

Employee #3: “Holy crap, did you seriously growl at someone? I thought [Employee #2] was full of it, but a couple of people that were here that day said you wolfed out on [Employee #1]! [Owner] fired her crazy butt, by the way. Did you know she hid in the freakin’ storage closet until you left?”

The customer she’d been serving chimed in.

Customer: “Serves her right. What kind of idiot puts their hands on someone else’s child?”

I just kind of nodded, too embarrassed to answer. When I got up to the register, the employee pulled out the two books I had ordered from behind the desk.

Me: “How did that other customer know what you were talking about?”

Employee #3: “Are you kidding? Everyone’s been talking about you going She-Hulk! We didn’t know you had it in you. It was the most awesome thing that’s ever happened in this place! Here. These books are on [Owner], and she said your niece gets her next book for free. No arguments, and please don’t growl at me!”

The last part was said in a joking tone, so I felt a little less embarrassed… until I saw the sticky note on my books. Where it usually said my name, instead, it said, “Mama Bear.”

I still go to that store regularly. You gotta love people who forgive you when you aren’t on your best behavior.

I teach swimming to kids who already have their basic diplomas and just want to keep on swimming. Most of them are between the ages of twelve and nineteen, and it’s a complete mishmash. In my group, I have kids with ADHD, autism, physical disabilities, etc. I’ve known these kids for several years and we have a nice, balanced group. Honestly, the only trouble I have is with a girl in the midst of puberty. (I don’t wanna, I can’t do that, that’s too hard…)

The boys in this group are a bunch of rowdy ones. They are loud, they complain (and then start the exercise), and if anyone needs help, even for other groups, they jump out and help. One of the boys is quite shy and silent, never doing anything wrong. And the one time he decides to be “rough” (pulling another student backward), he causes a minor accident: a slight cut on three fingers.

The injured student calmly walks over to show me his wounds, and we go to the first aid post. (The lesson has already ended, so all kids are out of the water.) Bandage, done.

Me: “So, what happened?”

Boy #1: “Oh… eh… We were a bit rough. I was holding on to the side and I was pulled backward.”

Me: “I see. And who pulled you backward?”

Boy #1: “Oh, that was…” *Suddenly turns around* “Wait, where is [Boy #2]?”

Me: “I saw him heading to the showers.”

Boy #1: “I have to find him! I have to tell him I’m all right!”

Me: “Did [Boy #2] pull you?”

Boy #1: “Yes, but it was an accident! I have to let him know I’m fine! He must feel terrible!”

Together, we look for [Boy #2], but we’ve just missed him and he has already headed home. I tell the “victim” that I’ll ask if our administrator can call him. The administrator promises he will.

By chance, I see [Boy #2] on the street the next day. 

Me: “Hi, how are you? Hey, I talked to [Boy #1] and he is fine. He even made me promise to call you! He was really worried about you.”

Boy #2: “He was? Oh… Well, maybe my mom has been called…”

He looks down, but then he suddenly looks up with a smile.

Boy #2: “Thank you for letting me know he’s fine. I really appreciate that.”

Me: “Of course! And no one blames you, either; it was just an accident!” *Playfully* “Now, what have we learned?”

Boy #2: *Laughing* “Never pull someone backward!”

We just had our next lesson. [Boy #2] was teased about the accident for like three minutes and then the boys piled on top of each other again as if nothing had happened.

Related:
This Is What “Boys Will Be Boys” Should Mean

The local grocery store puts out tasting displays and likes to showcase local products. Today, there are a few cans of locally-produced hot sauce. I’m shopping with my sister.

Sister: *Sniffing the air* “Woo… D****, that’s some spicy sauce!”

She LOVES spicy stuff, and she tries a huge spoonful of sauce on a cracker.

Sister: “Huh. Pretty mild.”

Me: “Mild?! The smell is killing me!”

Sister: “No, really! Try it!”

I try it, and she’s right. It’s mild and slightly smoky.

Me: “Wow, the smell is so much stronger than the taste.”

Employee: “Actually, some crazy guy pepper-sprayed the seafood counter guy because his fish was too heavy. We just put out the hot sauce as a cover.”

Related:
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 33
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 32
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 31
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 30
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 29

This isn’t the craziest thing to happen to a poor retail worker on this site? Check out these 10 Terrifying Stories About Employees Who Need Hazard Pay!

CONTENT WARNING: Gross (Feces)

I have been working at a Canadian grocery store chain for about four years. It’s early 2020, so the global health crisis is in full swing with mask mandates, etc.

I’m working in the self-checkout area right by the doors, and I notice a woman in her forties entering with her screaming child. The kid is wearing a sweater that says the name of his school and the year of his graduating class, and I gather that he is around eleven or twelve. Right off the bat, the woman looks pissed, probably because of her goblin child screaming blue murder about how he wants [Fast Food Place], and she waltzes in without a mask.

Me: “Welcome to [Store]! Do you need a mask?”

Woman: “What? No. I just need a few things.”

She tries to shove her way past me, but I place myself between her and the rest of the store.

Me: “Quick trip, eh? Yeah, I get that, but as per [Store] policy, all staff and customers over the age of ten need to be wearing masks in the store.”

Woman: “Well, I don’t have one!”

I point to a stand with hand sanitizer and masks by the door.

Me: “We have some right over there in case people forget. You can get one for yourself and your son.”

Child: “Mooooooommmmmm, I don’t want to wear a maaaaask!”

Woman: “Hush, sweetie. You don’t have to.” *To me* “My son is eight; he doesn’t need one. And besides, I don’t need one, either. I just need to grab a few things. I’ll be out in a few minutes anyway.”

Child: “Hey! I’m not eight!”

The woman glares at her kid, and he keeps whining about how he doesn’t want to wear a mask.

Me: “I understand, ma’am, but it’s store policy, and if you won’t wear a mask, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to shop elsewhere. The door signs clearly state you must wear a mask to shop with us.”

Woman: *Raising her voice* “But I just need a few things! It’s not like I’m going all over the store! I want to speak with your manager!”

Me: *Into my walkie-talkie* “Hey, [Manager], I’ve got a woman at the doors who wants to talk to you.”

Manager: “Be right there. Is it about masks again?”

Me: “Yep.”

Manager: *Sighs* “Keep her at the doors, please.”

Me: “Can do.” *To the woman* “Please wait right here and [Manager] will be right over.”

Woman: “You’d better not keep me waiting. I have a family to feed!”

[Manager] soon shows up and takes over.

Manager: “Good afternoon! How can I help you today?”

Woman: “This child—” *I’m twenty* “—won’t let me in! How am I supposed to feed my family if I can’t even enter the store?!

Manager: “Well, ma’am, you’re welcome to do your shopping here if you put on a mask!” *Notices the “Class Of [Year]” shirt on the kid* “And your son needs one, as well, seeing as he’s over ten.”

Woman: “HE’S EIGHT!”

Child: “NO, I’M NOT, MOM! STOP SAYING THAT!”

Woman: “BE QUIET, [CHILD]! Mommy’s handling this!”

Child: “DON’T YELL AT ME!”

He’s stomping his foot and screaming in her face.

Woman: “Don’t you take that tone with me! Let me deal with these idiots, and then Mommy will get you [Fast Food Place] after!”

The kid shuts up really quickly.

Woman: *To [Manager], smirking* “I can’t wear a mask and neither can my son; we have asthma and won’t be able to breathe.”

Manager: “I’m very sorry to hear that, but I’m afraid the rule goes for everyone; no entry without a mask.”

The woman explodes.

Woman: “I SWEAR TO GOD, WE’LL SUFFOCATE WITH MASKS ON! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL MY CHILD?! I’M GOING TO SUE YOU IF YOU DON’T LET ME IN RIGHT NOW!”

Manager: “Please don’t raise your voice at me. I’m speaking to you like an adult; I expect the same in return. If you don’t want to wear a mask, then you can shop somewhere else. I hear that [Other Grocery Store] is allowing customers to shop without masks if you’d rather go there.”

Woman: “I’LL SPEAK HOWEVER I WANT! YOU’RE INFRINGING MY RIGHTS AS A CANADIAN CITIZEN TO BREATHE FREELY! I DON’T WANT TO GO TO [OTHER GROCERY STORE]! I’M ALREADY HERE! JUST LET ME DO MY F****** SHOPPING!”

The woman is panting like she just ran a marathon, and her son pulls her down to whisper something in her ear. She smiles like the Grinch after stealing Christmas and nods at her gremlin. He takes off into the store at a run, and we lose sight of him in the aisles. [Manager] sends me after the kid while he calls for security.

I search up and down every aisle in the store and finally find the kid in the frozen food section, all the way at the other end of the store. He’s got his pants around his ankles and is squatting in the middle of the aisle, dropping a massive pile of s*** on the floor. He sees me and grins at me.

I get on the walkie and call [Manager] over, telling him what’s going on. At this point, the woman has reluctantly put on a mask and storms over with [Manager] just as the kid drops the last nugget on his steaming pile. He pulls his pants back up and trots over to his mother.

Woman: “There we go; we found him. Now I can shop in peace.”

Manager: “Absolutely not. You or your son need to clean that up immediately.”

Woman: “H*** no. Get her to do it.” *Points at me* “It’s her job.”

Manager: “No, it’s not. Either you clean that up right now or I’m calling the police.”

Woman: “Fine! Go get me some paper towels.”

Manager: *To me* “Can you go grab the cleaning cart by the cash?”

Me: “Yeah, no problem.”

I get the cart and the woman starts picking up the poop.

Manager: “I hope you understand that once that’s cleaned up, you’ll need to leave. You and your son are banned for life.”

Woman: “What?!”

Manager: “After this awful display from the both of you, you’re not welcome to return.”

Woman: “THAT’S NOT FAIR! I’VE BEEN A LOYAL CUSTOMER HERE FOR YEARS! YOU CAN’T DO THIS!”

And she flings the fistful of poop she’s got at [Manager]’s head. He manages to dodge it, and it splatters on the freezer door behind him.

[Manager] gets on the walkie and asks for someone to lock the doors and call the cops while the woman and her son make a beeline for the exit. Boy, is she pissed when she realizes she is locked in. She’s screaming at everyone, her kid is complaining about the crap still stuck to his backside, and everyone else is staying the f*** away from the crazy lady with s*** on her hands screaming about lawsuits and how she’ll have all the employees fired.

The cops show up not too long after, in masks and gloves, and [Manager] uses a side exit to go out and explain the situation. Three cops enter and head over to where the woman is still screaming like a banshee with her hellspawn in tow.

Officer #1: “Ma’am, you’re going to need to come with us.”

Woman: “Like h*** I am! He’s the one you should be arresting!” *Pointing at [Manager]* “He made me clean up some random kid’s poop!”

Officer #1: “Ma’am, you need to calm down and come outside with us, or we’ll be forced to detain you. You can come peacefully or in handcuffs. It’s your call.”

The woman rushed the officers, probably to start hitting them or something, and [Officer #1] and [Officer #3] grabbed her and pinned her on the floor, with [Officer #2] cuffing her while reciting her rights

The child was scream-crying now, telling the cops to leave his mom alone and trying to pull them off of her. [Officer #1] turned around and grabbed the kid in a bear hug, lifting him off the ground as he was kicking and screaming to be let go, and carried him out to the squad cars in front of the store, all while his mother was screaming about child abuse and unlawful detainment and, “You’d better get your hands off my child right now or I’ll sue you all to high heaven!”

The woman was packed into the back of one car and her son in the other, and [Officer #1] came back to finish up with [Manager] and me, taking our statements and getting a copy of the CCTV footage. The woman was charged with disturbing the peace, aggravated assault for the poo flinging, resisting arrest, and trespassing.

She never came back to our store, and she was banned from all of our locations for life along with her son. [Manager] ended up cleaning the poo, not wanting to make his employees do it.

This story is part of our Not Always Right Most-Epic Stories roundup!

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About fourteen years ago, when [Security Company] provided security for [British Grocery Chain], I also worked for [Security Company] but was based at the airport. One morning after a twelve-hour night shift, I decided to go into a [British Grocery Chain] store I pass on the way home and get a sandwich.

I had my work uniform on, but I was wearing a grey jacket on top so people would know I wasn’t on duty. I went into the store, picked up a basket, and headed to the sandwich counter. I was browsing the selection and I heard someone say, “Excuse me,” but, not expecting anyone to be talking to me, I carried on looking for my desired sandwich.

Then, suddenly, the basket was slapped out of my hand and there was this snarling man’s face less than an inch from mine.

Man: “I’M NOT PAYING YOU TO SHOP! GET TO THE FRONT OF THE STORE RIGHT NOW!”

I was tired and very confused and could only muster the reply:

Me: “What?”

Man: “I TOLD YOU, GET TO FRONT DOORS! We’ve been open for customers for the last thirty minutes and you’ve not been at your position once, and now I find you buying snacks!”

That’s when the penny dropped.

Me: “I know the store’s open to customers; I am one. I work for the same company that provides your security, but I am not your guard.”

With those words ringing in the man’s ears, all the colour in his face drained away as he realised what he had just done to a customer. Suddenly, he became completely apologetic.

Man: “If there’s anything I can do for you, I’ll gladly help!”

Me: “I would like help carrying my basket around the store; I am tired from a long night shift.”

Man: “I’ll get someone to help you immediately.”

Me: “I don’t want someone else to carry my basket; I want you to carry it.”

I originally only intended to buy a sandwich, but to teach this guy a lesson, I spent thirty minutes in the store and went down every aisle.