Will Be Getting Ribbed About That Forever

, | Healthy | December 5, 2017

(My uncle has some work-related back pains for which his GP refers him to a physical therapist. The therapy he needs is pretty painful, so when he comes home from a session one day saying the therapist has gotten him good, his wife — my aunt — thinks nothing of it and goes out running errands. When she gets home after a few hours and calls to my uncle to help her with the groceries, she notices he’s moving very carefully, wincing, and not breathing well. When she asks what’s wrong, my uncle tells her his ribs on one side have been hurting bad since therapy, and it isn’t getting better despite taking some painkillers. My aunt gently prods his ribs, eliciting a yelp. Knowing my uncle is pretty tough, my aunt gets worried and pulls up his shirt, uncovering a HUGE blossoming bruise on one side of his back. My aunt freaks out and orders my uncle to get in the car NOW because they’re going to the hospital. On the way there, she gives my uncle the third degree: What did he do? Did he fall? Did he get into a fight? What is he hiding from her? My uncle swears nothing happened; he went to therapy and came back, his ribs have been hurting since, and that’s that. The doctor at the hospital takes one look at the bruise and orders an x-ray, which reveals several BROKEN ribs. The doctor also interrogates my uncle, but gets the same response: all he did was go to physical therapy for his back pains.)

ER Doctor: “Did the therapist work on your ribs as well?”

Uncle: “Well, yes. Wait, are you saying…?”

ER Doctor: “That you should get a different therapist? Yes.”

(My uncle made a full recovery and got a different therapist who cured his back pains. The therapist who broke his ribs is still in practice and also coaches a youth sports team. I was on that team for several years and now hate sports. The guy received a Royal Ribbon for his investment in youth sports.)

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Really Feline The Love

| Working | August 30, 2015

(I work in a physical therapy clinic. I am a female chatting with a female coworker about our pet cats.)

Me: “He purrs as loud as a mack-truck. I can literally hear him from the other side of the room.”

Female Coworker: “That’s kind of cute, though.”

Me: “The only time he wants to cuddle is between two and four am. He also snuggles up to me, and lays across my chest with his face in my face. I’m ok with it, until he starts licking my face!”

(A male coworker wanders in, only hearing the part about “him licking my face.”)

Me: “I’m getting kind of tired of it. It’s a really annoying habit of his.”

Male Coworker: “Wait, what are you two talking about? Are you talking about your husband?”

(My female coworker and I burst out laughing.)

Me: “My cat! We’re talking about my cat.” *laughing* “My husband doesn’t lick my face, much less purr. He would also squish me if he laid across my chest.”

Male Coworker: “I wonder if that’s why I couldn’t get any girls to go on a second date with me.” *mimics nuzzling into someone, then sticks out his tongue, pretending to lick someone*

Me: “How did you get your wife to marry you?”

Male Coworker: “Turns out, she’s just as weird as I am.”

Female Coworker: “Well, that conversation just took a turn.”

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The Reference Was Not Super-Effective

| Working | September 29, 2014

(Almost all of my t-shirts have some sort of fandom-related design on them, some far less obvious that others. At my physical therapist’s it has become sort of a joke that he will always try to guess what my shirt is referencing, and is almost always wrong. He also has an assistant who jokes around with both of us. Today I’m wearing a water-fire-grass-water effectiveness cycle shirt, a ‘Pokémon’ reference. When my physical therapist sees it…)

Physical Therapist: “I have no idea on that one.”

Assistant: “Oh, come on. It’s easy!”

Physical Therapist: “Then what is it?”

Assistant: “Earth, Wind, and Fire! Right?”

Me: “… It’s Pokémon.”

(There’s a beat, and then my therapist and I both start laughing.)

Physical Therapist: “Yes, you’re right, [Assistant]. It was very easy!”

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