Push Up And Beyond

, , , , , , | Learning | March 7, 2018

My best friend and I had a particular loathing for high school gym class. Our teacher was one of those strict, no-nonsense types who was pretty much always yelling. The worst part was push-ups. Whenever we did them, everyone always laughed at me and said it looked like I was humping the ground, but the teacher never said what I was doing wrong, so I had to keep doing it that way, which didn’t help my already low self-esteem. Thankfully, I only needed to endure it for a year to get the mandatory credit.

Fast forward a few years, and I decide I want to get more into shape. I decide to try push-ups again. This time I get the idea to ask my father — a former gymnast — for advice. I demonstrate what I’ve been doing my whole life, and he tells me that since girls have a different center of gravity, because of the extra weight in the chest area, it’s better for girls to start by keeping their knees on the ground until they build up their strength. I had essentially been doing advanced-level push-ups my whole life, and nobody, not even the gym teacher — who should have known this –had bothered to correct me.

My friend, who also didn’t know about the knee thing, took the words right out of my mouth when I told her about this: “I’m gonna kill her.”

Shouldn’t Be The Walking Dead

, , , , , , , | Learning | January 19, 2018

(I’m in PE with my two friends and this exchange occurs:)

Friend #1: “I’m a walking corpse.”

Friend #2: *singing in a cheerful voice* “Badabap.”

Me: “Hey, we’re supposed to be running corpses!”

Friend #2: “Oopsie-daisy. At least [Coach] isn’t watching us right now…”

That’s A Lousy Defence

, , , , | Learning | August 5, 2017

(This is a conversation overheard after self-defence class at my local Y.)

Boy: “I’m never fighting you again. You fight dirty!”

Girl: “Hey, I told you to wear a cup and most attackers won’t be wearing cups in real life! You have to hit them where it hurts! [Teacher] said to make the fight realistic!”

Boy: “Well, realistically I think I won’t be able to have sex EVER AGAIN!”

Boys Will… Sadly Be Boys

| CA, USA | Learning | July 30, 2017

(Conversation overheard while playing boys versus girls soccer:)

Guy #1: “How come the girls only pass the ball to girls?”

Guy #2: “I know, right? And they call us sexist.”

Guy #1: “Jeez.”

Me: *in my head* “Lord save the human race…”

You Live, You Play, You Die

| IL, USA | Learning | May 4, 2016

(The class is playing softball. The teacher tends to end the game early and let us have “free time.”)

Me: “When is the game going to end?”

Teacher: “Never.”

Me: “But we have lives!”

Teacher: “Not anymore.”

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