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Photography World In Shock, As Image Conjures One More “Wow” Than Expected

, , , , , | Related | November 8, 2018

(I like photography, and I show my sister a pretty good photo I took and edited.)

Sister: “Wow.”

Sister: *slightly more amazed* “Wow.”

Sister: *very amazed* “Wow!”

Me: *pouting* “One more wow?”

Sister: *monotone* “Wow.”

The (Water)Mark Of A Good Boss

, , , , | Working | August 9, 2018

(I work at a company as a photographer. Recently, my boss suggested getting the watermark always used on our images changed, so I got a new watermark from our graphic designer and starting using it. Several weeks later, I am chatting with my boss.)

Boss: *while scrolling through images* “That watermark looks so much nicer than the old one!”

Me: “I agree!”

Boss: “Good job suggesting that.”

Me: “Um… That was actually your idea.”

Boss: “Oh?”

Me: *laughing* “So, good job!”

Boss: “Thanks! I just wanted to be complimented.”

Me: “Slightly backhanded, but hey, it worked!”

Holding You Up To A Lens

, , , , , | Working | February 22, 2018

(My boss fancies herself a photographer, and she has just purchased a new, very high-end camera.)

Boss: “Darn it. I smudged the lens again!” *starts using inside of flannel shirt to clean the lens*

Me: “I have a extra microfiber cloth I can give you—”

Boss: “Nope! I got it!” *continues using flannel shirt* “Just seems to be smudging it all over the lens this time.”

Me: “I also have moist lens wipes; they’re safe for cameras and glasses—”

Boss: “Nope! I got it! It’s almost clean. Just wish these lenses would last longer than they do…” *continues wiping lens with flannel shirt*

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Elvis Has Left The Kennel

, , , , , | Right | January 16, 2018

(I do portraits of people’s pets — mostly dogs and cats — though I have done a few other animals, like turtles. My customers are generally very easy to work with, but this one just… I don’t even know.)

Customer: “Hi, I hear you do pet portraits?”

Me: “Yes, indeed, I do! Would you like to purchase one?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a portrait of my dog, Elvis.”

Me: “Sounds good! I can set up an appointment for you pretty much anytime next week. If you would like me to draw Elvis wearing a specific collar or accessory, feel free to bring that in with him, but I have collars and leashes of my own if you’d rather.”

Customer: “Oh, I won’t be bringing him in.”

Me: “Um… Well, I don’t generally do house calls, but if Elvis is unable to leave the house, maybe we can work something out?”

Customer: “Oh, no, that’s not the problem. You see, Elvis is dead. He passed away, oh, about six years ago, now.”

Me: “Oh. Um, ma’am, I’m afraid I can’t do a portrait of a dog that’s no longer with us.”

Customer: “But can’t you just do it from memory?”

Me: “Well, I could maybe if I had known Elvis, but I didn’t, so… No?”

Customer: “Well, that’s a shame. Thanks, anyway!”

Me: “You’re welcome.”

(I honestly have no idea what she had in mind for me to do.)

Look Dead On The Inside

, , , , , | Working | January 15, 2018

(In preparation for an overseas trip, I’m getting my passport photo taken. Note that the usual requirements as far as expression are either a neutral expression or a natural smile.)

Mom: “Smile for the camera!”

Employee: “You don’t have to do that. Just pretend you’re at the DMV!”

(It took me a bit to stop laughing enough to actually take the photo.)