(An elderly woman is picking up some photos. She is wearing extremely thick glasses but still can’t seem to see very well. She’s squinting at the pricing sign on the wall.)

Customer: “What’s that big sign say?”

Me: “It’s a list of our prices for different sized photos.”

(I read out the prices.)

Me: “Here are your pictures. It comes to [price].”

Customer: “Oh, thank you.”

(She pulls out her wallet and holds it inches away from her eyes as she tries to find the right money.)

Customer: “Is this bill a five or a ten?”

Me: “That’s a five.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(She puts the bill on the counter and then pours some coins into her hand. After a few seconds of trying to see the coins, she holds her hand out to me.)

Customer: “Would you mind counting the change out for me? The coins are so small!”

Me: “No problem.” *counts change* “Have a good day.”

(She pulled a set of car keys out of her pocket and walked out the door, leaving me and one of my coworkers with our mouths open.)

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(I am creating a business card for a customer. She hands me a picture to scan to use on the card.)

Me: “Ma’am, this photo is copyrighted by whoever took it.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. You can still use it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t use it without the permission of the photographer.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, you can just cross out the copyright on the back of the picture and then use it! It’ll be okay.”

Me: “Do you have another picture you would like to use?”

(She hands me the same picture but with a piece of paper taped over the copyright on the back.)

Customer: “Here. Now you can use it.”

Me: “Ma’am, just because the copyright is covered now doesn’t mean it’s not copyrighted anymore. We could be fined $50,000 if we used this. If you can get the permission of the person who took this or another picture we can do this for you.”

Customer: “What kind of business is this?”

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(A client comes for her journalist portfolio. She shows me a picture of an architect in front of his building model, showing his back to the camera.)

Customer: “So, you see, I’d like you to flip this picture.”

Me: “Okay, that’s very simple.”

Customer: “Great! This will be awesome. I want him to face the camera.”

Me: “If I flip the picture, it will be all the same, but the guy will be on the left instead of the right, that’s it.”

Customer: “You can’t make him face us? You call yourself a professional?!”

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

Customer: “I have this group photo. Can you scan it and cut people out?”

Me: “Yes, to an extent.”

Customer: “I want the people in the front row taken out so I can see what the guy in the back row is wearing.”

Me: “Um, it doesn’t work like that.”

Customer: “Why not? He’s standing right there! If you take these people away, you can see all of him!”

Me: “If I remove these people from the photo, all that will be left is nothing. Photos are two dimensional, not three dimensional.”

Customer: “That’s not true! I’ve seen ’em do it on CSI!”

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(A bubbly teenager walks up to the counter with a roll of film in her hand.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Teenage customer: “Like, how long does it, like, take to do one hour photo?”

Me: “About sixty minutes.”

Teenage customer: “Really?! Like, oh my gawd! That’s, like, so totally cool! Wait ’til I tell my mom it’s, like, totally not gonna take an hour!”

Me: *smiles*

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