Murder, She Wrote

, , , , | Right | September 2, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Gas Station]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Do you shoot guns?”

Me: “Uh… what?”

Customer: “Well, I know your gas station hires some athletic young men and I was wondering if you knew anything about guns?”

Me: “Actually, I do know a decent amount about guns and shooting.”

Customer: “If you threw a gun in the air and shot it with another gun, would it explode?”

Me: “Wait, what? Why?”

Customer: “Oh, well, in the book I’m writing, the sheriff is fighting the robber on the balcony of the theatre, and the robber’s gun flies into the air and the sheriff shoots it. Would it explode or hurt anyone?”

Me: “Well, it probably wouldn’t explode, but it would probably discharge either when struck by the bullet or when it hits the ground.”

Customer: “Would it hit someone?”

Me: “You’re the author, ma’am.”

Customer:  “Oh, thank you very much!  I’ll send you a copy when it’s published!”

1 Thumbs
3,366

Some Calls Really Push The Envelope

, , , , | Right | September 2, 2010

Me: “Hi, welcome to the post office. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I have a problem, I deleted all the messages on my house phone. How do I get them back?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Well, I only wanted to delete one message on my phone, but they all got erased. Can you help me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t quite understand the problem. You know you have called the postal service, yes?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, unfortunately, I can’t assist you. You may need to ring the manufacturer of the phone and see how to get your messages back.”

Customer: “But it’s voice-mail! Mail! Why can’t you help me?!”


Did you find this story using our Postal Workers Workers roundup?

Click here to read the next story!

Click here to get back to the roundup!

1 Thumbs
2,434

Not Quite Hammering A Point Home

, , , , | Right | August 20, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “My daughter is having her birthday in a few days. Do you do kids’ birthday parties?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “Do you come to people’s homes dressed up for kids’ birthday parties?  I was hoping for a princess theme.”

Me: “Ma’am, I believe you have the wrong number. This is a home improvement store.”

Caller: “No, I do not have the wrong number! I was told you do kids’ birthday parties!”

Me: “Uh, well… in our grocery department, we sell candles. And cake mix. And frosting.”

Caller: “Oh, wonderful! Do you have decorations you could bring, too?”

Me: “I’m not going to bring anything, but you could come into our store to buy the cake supplies and some decorations from our wall-coverings department.”

Caller: “You have specific departments for kids’ birthdays? That’s wonderful! Where are you located and what are your hours?”

Me: “Ma’am, like I said before, you called a home improvement store. We, unfortunately, do not provide entertainment for children’s birthday parties, but we are located at [Address] and our store hours are 6:30 am to 10:00 pm.”

Caller: “Just perfect; you’ve been so helpful!  Have a wonderful day!” *hangs up*


This story is part of our Birthday Party Roundup!

Read the first Birthday Party Roundup story!

Read the Birthday Party Roundup!

1 Thumbs
2,398

Wrong Said Fred

, , , , | Right | July 5, 2010

Me: “May I help you?”

Caller: “Please put me through to [Owner].”

Me: “Sure, who’s calling, please?”

Caller: “His cousin Fred.”

Me: “I didn’t know he had a cousin Fred.”

Caller: “Why would you? You just answer phones! This is a family affair and none of your business! Who do you think you are, anyway?”

Me: “[Owner]’s daughter.” *click*


This story is part of our Customers Caught Lying roundup!

Read the next Customers Caught Lying roundup story!

Read the Customers Caught Lying roundup!

1 Thumbs
5,644

Off-Handed Comment

, , , , | Right | June 11, 2010

Caller: “Hi, I’ve placed an order some weeks back and I’m just chasing up when it might be delivered.”

Me: “Certainly, just bear with me a moment. I’ll just need to track it on the computer.”

(I proceed to log on to the order system, having a bit of difficulty as I’m only able to type with one hand while the other holds the phone.)

Me: “Sorry, bear with me a moment; it’s quite difficult to type with one hand.”

Caller: *in a sincere tone* “Why have you only got one hand?”

1 Thumbs
2,293