The phone rings, showing me a mobile number, and I answer it. Unfortunately, I can hardly understand anything due to bad reception, and the call drops almost immediately.

A few minutes later they call again.

Me: “[Our Store], this is [My Name], good evening.”

There’s still a lot of interference, and I can’t make out more than a few incoherent words.

Me: “I’m sorry, you’re very hard to understand.”

I walk toward our office, where the reception is usually better.

Me: “How can I help you?”

The caller laughs tauntingly and blows me a raspberry.

Me: “You know that I’m being shown your phone number on my display, right?”

The caller is a young-sounding person, suddenly very sheepish.

Caller: “Oh, I’m very sorry. I’m going to hang up now.”

Me: “That’s what I thought. Have a nice evening.”

Me: “Hello, [Company Acronym].”

Caller: “Hello, is this [Electrical Supplier #1]?”

Me: “No, this is [Electrical Supplier #2] in [Town].”

Caller: “Oh… so, you sell electrical supplies?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Caller: “Great, that’s what I’m looking for! Do you sell [item]? I’ve got a job at a hotel in [Town]…”

Me: “Let me transfer you to sales.”

An unconventional way to acquire a customer, but I’m not complaining!

I am selling something online. I provide my Whatsapp number for messaging but I am surprised when I get a call from an American number claiming interest in my item.

Caller: “I figured since I will be in San Francisco this weekend I could just swing by and pick it up?”

Me: “That’s great, except I’m in London. Nothing in my ad says I’m in San Francisco.”

Caller: “So that’s like… what, East Bay?”

Me: “What? No… London. London, England.”

Caller: “So down near Mountain View?”

Me: “No! London. With the bridge. The Queen lives there.”

I hear someone else on the caller’s side speak up.

Person With Caller: “What’s going on?”

Caller: *Replying* “I don’t know. They’re saying they’re a queen in San Francisco.”

Person With Caller: “Drag queens, honey. They’re called drag queens in San Francisco.”

I wonder if there is a confused-looking woman now wandering the streets of San Francisco looking for a drag queen with a used toaster oven.

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I’m in the checkout line behind another customer. While her payment is being processed, the customer takes out her phone and begins a phone conversation.

Cashier: “Ma’am, would you like your items in paper or plastic?”

She waves him off, speaking on the phone.

Customer: “What was that?”

The cashier bags the items in plastic.

Cashier: “Would you like your receipt?”

The customer grabs the bags, still on the phone.

Customer: “Could you repeat that?”

Cashier: “Would you like your receipt?”

Customer: *Into the phone* “Hold on a minute.” *To the cashier* “EXCUSE ME! I am on the phone with my doctor! I would appreciate it if you would stop interrupting me! This is important!”

She continues her phone conversation. The cashier then hands the woman her receipt. She grabs it, points to her card still on his side of the counter, and snatches it from his hands when he hands it to her. She storms out. I walk up to the counter feeling bad for the cashier.

Me: “Wow. I’m so sorry. I have no idea what her problem was. You must be having a really long day.”

Cashier: *Sighs* “Every day is a long day. Do you have your rewards card?”

My transaction went smoothly, but I still feel bad for that cashier. He handled it so well and was very patient and courteous. I filled out the email survey they sent me commending him.

I work at a help desk for a company that has employees use an automated phone system to enter the time they worked, while their employers, who are mostly elderly or disabled, use the same system to approve them. Because it’s a phone system that we often need to train these clients on, we recommend they call the system with a separate phone and put it on speakerphone so we can guide them through the system, and therefore train the clients.

I’m on the phone with an elderly client.

Me: “Does this phone have speakerphone capability?”

Caller: “Yes, it does.”

Me: “Okay, please call [phone number].”

The caller dials the number and puts the second phone on speaker so I can hear. An automated system picks up, but it’s a perkier voice than the system our company uses.

Automated System: “Are you looking to talk with hot singles? We have the hottest men just waiting to take your call!”

Caller: “Oh, my!”

Me: “Ma’am, please disconnect the call. That’s not our system!”

Caller: *Hangs up the second phone.* “Oh, dear, I definitely didn’t call the right number.” *Pause* “Maybe later, but not now!”

We both had a good laugh over that one. I wish I had more callers like her!

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