In Forgetfulness And In Health

| VA, USA | Related | March 28, 2012

(My dad calls me while I’m at college.)

Me: “Hey, dad. What’s up?”

Dad: “How old are you?”

Me: “What?”

Dad: “Well, my anniversary is coming up, and I want to be able to tell your mom how long we’ve been married. I know it’s one more than your age…”

Bacon, Lovin’, And Tomato

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Romantic | March 25, 2012

(I am talking on the phone to my boyfriend about his day at school.)

Boyfriend: “You weren’t here to make me lunch so I had to buy a sandwich.”

Me: “Oh, God! Now if you find someone to pay for the lovin’, I’ll be out of a job!”

Doesn’t Listen To My Voice

| USA | Related | March 19, 2012

(My mom calls me on my cell phone, and as I’m not available, it goes to voicemail. She leaves me a message.)

Mom: “Hello? Are you there? Pick up… hello? Hello? Well, I guess you’re not at home. It’s Mom, give me a call.”

(Later, I call her back.)

Me: “Mom, you know, when you call my cell phone, if I don’t answer, it goes to voicemail, not an answering machine.”

Mom: “So?”

Me: “So, when you’re leaving a message, I can’t hear you. Because it’s voicemail.”

Mom: “Why can’t you hear me?”

Me: “Because… it’s… voicemail.”

Mom: “Oh. I’ll just talk louder, then!”

Adopting A Strange Attitude

| UK | Related | February 22, 2012

(I phone my mum to ask her something. My sister answers, as my mum is driving.)

Me: “Hey, can you try and persuade mum to bring you all to come and visit me in the school holidays?”

Sister: “Sure. Hey mum, God just called he said you have to take us to see [my name] in the holidays.”

(We talk for a few more minutes.)

Me: “And, I got these awesome new Batman Converse shoes.”

Sister: “I want some too!”

Me: “It will cost you £50.”

Sister: “Hang on. Mum, God’s talking to me again. He said you have to give me £50 for some Batman Converses.”

Me: “You are so strange…but if you weren’t, I would think you were adopted or something.”

Problem With The Mother Board

| Yorkshire, England, UK | Related | February 4, 2012

(I am living away from home at university. I am in my flat, when I receive a phone call from my mum.)

Me: “Hey mum, are you alright?”

Mum: “I need your help sorting the computer out. The internet has stopped working.”

(I instantly know what’s wrong. My mum often accidentally pulls out the internet cable without realising.)

Me: “That’s fine. I think I know what the problem is, as it’s happened before. Just look behind the CPU, and-”

Mum: “I’m busy putting dinner out. You can’t just expect me to come away from what I’m doing to sort the computer out for you!”

Me: “Mum, you rung me to ask for my help. We’ve been on the phone less than a minute.”

Mum: “And?”

Me: “You rung me to ask for help sorting the computer out, whilst you we’re putting dinner out, and are having a go at me for trying to help?!”

Mum: “I can’t be bothered arguing with you.” *hangs up*

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