Amanda Bug-Out-And-Miss

| Dublin, Ireland | Romantic | November 18, 2011

(My boyfriend and I are sitting at home. He gets a call from a number he doesn’t know.)

Boyfriend: “Hello?”

Caller: “Why are you doing this to Amanda?”

Boyfriend: “Excuse me, what?”

Caller: “Stop the ****. This is your sister, and I’m sitting here with Amanda and she’s really pissed at you. Come back…”

(She goes on for awhile about Amanda and her boyfriend. My boyfriend has long since put this on speaker so we can both listen to his “sister’s” rant.)

Boyfriend: “I don’t know any Amandas. And my girlfriend is sitting right here with me. Who are you looking for?”

(For the next few moments, the two women on the phone scream at my boyfriend about how they knew he was cheating on Amanda and how they’re “gonna get” him.)

Boyfriend: “My name is John [last name].”

Caller: “Oh…” *pauses* “Not John [different last name]?”

Boyfriend: “Promise.”

Caller: *hangs up*

(My boyfriend and I sit there for a little, shocked. Finally, I speak up.)

Me: “If you ever meet anyone named Amanda, run away.”

In Lieu Of A Refund, Exchanges Are Also Accepted

| Canada | Romantic | November 17, 2011

(I’m on the phone with my new girlfriend and am inviting her to go to prom.)

Me: “So, do you want to go with me?”

Girlfriend: “How much are the tickets?”

Me: “$65, but that includes dinner and dessert.”

Girlfriend: “Wow, that’s a lot. Can you ask about the refund policy?”

Me: “What?”

Girlfriend: “Well, I mean, there’s a chance we’ll break up between now and then. And I don’t want to be out that much money.”

Me: *speechless*

(We did end up breaking up before prom because she cheated on me.)

It’s The Half-Baked Thought That Counts

| Amsterdam, Netherlands | Romantic | November 16, 2011

(My boyfriend calls me on his way to work. He knows I love flowers, but he normally only brings them to me on our anniversary or my birthday.)

Boyfriend: ‘”Hi, honey. I just wanted to let you know that the flower shop next to the canal near our house has really good prices.”

Me: “Oh, really? So I’m going to get some flowers today?”

Boyfriend: “No, I just thought I’d let you know since you really like flowers. You know, you could buy some…they’re really cheap!”

Me: “What the heck? You’re calling me to tell me to buy flowers for myself?!”

Boyfriend: “I’d give you the money later if it would make you feel like I bought them for you!”

The Not-So-Gentleman Caller

, | Nevada, USA | Romantic | November 4, 2011

(While at home, the phone rings and I answer.)

Caller: “Hi, will you be my girlfriend?”

Me: “Um, who’s this?”

Caller: “I’m me. I’m kinda dialing random numbers in the phone trying to find someone.”

(I think it’s one of my friends.)

Me: “Alright, quit joking around. Who’s this?”

Caller: “My name’s Joe. I’m looking for a girlfriend. And–”

Me: “I have a boyfriend and I do not appreciate random calls like this. Thank you.” *click*

(A few minutes later, the phone rings again.)

Caller: “Hey, what’s wrong, sweetie? We haven’t got to know each other yet.”

Me: “Go away or I’ll call the police.”

Caller: “Fine, you’re boring anyway. I’ll keep dialing random numbers until I find someone who cooperates.” *click*

Her Bark Is Worse Than Her Bite

, | Montreal, QC, Canada | Romantic | October 6, 2011

(I am staying over at my cousin’s house when he receives a phone call from a telemarketer.)

Cousin: “Security system? No, no. Listen, I have two dogs and my wife. I have more than enough home security.” *hangs up*

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