Lost: One ID And Lots of IQ

| New England, USA | Related | September 4, 2012

(I help my mom with the website she uses to sell her artwork. My mom isn’t very computer savvy, so when her domain name expires, she calls me in a panic at 2 am. I blearily set up a 3-way call with the domain company, and about 45 minutes into our extended hold time we have a conversation.)

Mom: “I just don’t understand. They always just charge my card, and they didn’t do it this time.”

Me: “Did your card expire?”

Mom: “No, I don’t even have that card any more. The bank gave me a new one when mine got stolen!”

Faulty Reasoning

| England, UK | Romantic | August 8, 2012

(My boyfriend and I are talking on the phone. He is two years younger than me.)

Me: “You know, I’ve been thinking, I think the difference in our ages shows.”

Boyfriend: “I don’t think so. How do you mean?”

Me: “Well, you tend to be childish, and I tend to be the voice of reason in our relationship.”

Boyfriend: “That’s not true; I can be serious. I can be the voice of reason.”

Me: “No, you’re really not. I tend to be—”

Boyfriend: *interrupts in a sing-song voice* “I’m the voice of reason, I’m the voice of reason, I’m the voice of reason! Wheeeeee!”

If At First You Don’t Succeed, Hentai Again

| USA | Romantic | August 7, 2012

Me: “I love you so giant! Like a big, squishy, giant squid!”

Boyfriend: “A big, giant, love squid!”

Me: “You forgot squishy. I feel like this is dirty somehow, in a very wrong sort of way.”

Boyfriend: “Like some strange, Asian tentacle sort of way.”

Family Get(ting) Together

| NH, USA | Related | July 31, 2012

(My boyfriend and I met when he was a regular at the bar where I work. His grandfather passes away and we attend the funeral. Thoughout the process of the obituary, we discover that he is actually first cousins with one of my coworkers, whom I’ve known for years, and my boyfriend knew for a few months before we started dating. They hadn’t known of their relationship due to various family estrangements, but welcomed each other with open arms once they realized. I am telling my dad over the phone about this twist of fate.)

Me: “So, it turns out that Jane is Joe’s first cousin, and they never knew this whole time that he was coming into the bar!”

Dad: “That’s crazy. Wow, good thing he decided to hit on you!”

The Mathematics Of Love

| UK | Romantic | July 31, 2012

(We’re talking on the phone in the early morning. I’m sick and trying to be cute.)

Me: “I love you.”

Boyfriend: “I love you more.”

Me: “I love you three times more.”

Boyfriend: “I love you whatever you say squared. Ha! I win! Beat that!”

Me: “I love you 0.5 times more.”

Boyfriend: “Oh.”

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