I’m Gonna Go With Time-Travel

, , , , | Healthy | December 12, 2017

(I am calling my doctor’s office to make an appointment and she is asking for basic information like my name and date of birth.)

Receptionist: “And when is your date of birth?”

Me: “February first, ‘94.”

Receptionist: “Is that 1994?”

Me: “Well, unless I’m from the future or look great for 123, yes, 1994.”

Has You Under Their Spelling

, , , , , | Right | December 11, 2017

(I work in a small call center that provides information to tourists. It is a very quiet day when my coworker gets this call. I only hear her end of it.)

Coworker: “Yes, I would recommend [Restaurant]… The name is H-A-N-K… No, N-K. K as in– No, H-A-N-K-apostrophe-S.”

(Pause…)

Coworker: “I would also recommend Cotton. C-O-T-T-O-N. No, C-O-T-T-O-N. N as in Nancy. Yes, C-O-T– No, T as in Thomas. No, T-O-N as in Nancy. Yes. Yes, is there anything else I can do for you?”

(Pause…)

Coworker: “I would suggest that you take advantage of our free shuttle system. Yes, free. F-R-E-E. Yes. Yes, it is free. Yes.”

(This goes on for several more minutes, with the visitor repeatedly asking her to spell the names of places multiple times. Finally, the call ends.)

Coworker: “She sounded like she was high! H-I-G-H!”

That Should Perk(ins) You Up A Little Bit

, , , , | Friendly | December 9, 2017

(I look similar to the comedian Sue Perkins to the point where random people I don’t know comment on it. I’ve found out that two-thirds of the employees of the company I work for, including me, are either going to be made redundant. As it’s early days, no one at the company knows what’s actually going to happen to us, including the people who have made this decision. My biggest issue with the entire situation is the fact I had just felt like I had gotten my life back on track after a nasty period of time, and that has been taken from me. I’ve been messaging a friend about it, when she decides to call me. We have a bit of a conversation when this happens:)

Friend: “Just remember, though, there is only one you in the world, and no one can replace you.”

Me: “Sue Perkins.”

Friend: *pause* “Well… That’s a pretty good replacement, to be fair.”

After Hours You’re Just An Afterthought

, , , , | Working | December 5, 2017

(It’s after closing time and my manager, a coworker, and I are hanging around the register while my manager finishes the last of the closing duties. We’re talking about random things when the phone rings. To my knowledge there’s no policy about whether we HAVE to answer it after closing, or if we can just let it ring, but on the rare nights it happens, we sometimes have some fun. My coworker decides to take it up a notch, however, after batting me away. Another thing to note is we do have to answer with, “Thanks for calling [Store] this is, [Name] how can I help?” during regular business hours.)

Coworker: “Hello?”

(Customer response that I can’t hear over the phone.)

Coworker: “Nah, this is my cell-phone.”

(Another response as my manager and I are trying not to laugh.)

Coworker: “Nah, man, I’ve had this number for a while, and I’ve been getting these calls all day, so I guess they changed their number or something.”

(Another pause in which I’m close to dying laughing.)

Coworker: “Nah, it’s fine, man, hope you find their new number.”

(He finally cracks a smile after hanging up, while my manager and I burst into hysterics.)

Coworker: “Teach them not to call me after hours, mother-f*****s.”

Doesn’t Make Ad-Sense

, , , , , , , , | Right | December 4, 2017

(A call comes in ten minutes before closing:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant], this is [My Name] speaking, how can I help you?”

Irate Caller: “I cannot believe that you would expose my children to such inappropriate television advertisements! This whole [new company slogan] is exposing my daughters to [oral sex], and they are only four and six years old. I should report you to the FCC!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you are calling a local franchise location. The national corporate office creates the all advertisements, and we don’t have any say in it. I can help you get in contact with them, if you would like.”

Irate Caller: “Well, if you cared about your customers at all, you would take down those disgusting ads right now!”

Me: “Sir, I’m a local supervisor; I have no control over television ads. However, the number for [Restaurant]’s corporate office is [number]. We don’t have any interaction with them, other than buying our supplies, so you need to call them in the morning. I’m sure they can tell you who can help you.”

Irate Caller: “I’ve never seen such horrible things in my life, and you won’t help me. You’re harming my four- and six-year-olds, and all you will do is tell me to talk to someone else in the morning. I want these ads taken down now! I don’t want them to show up on my TV again.”

Me: “Sir, in all honestly, you’re just calling the wrong number. You need to call the corporate office. I’m sure they can help you.”

Irate Caller: “If you cared about your job, you would care about me! What lousy customer service! Don’t you even care about my daughters? Fix this now!!!!”

Me: “Sir, I’m a 19-year-old college student, working at a fast food joint making [just over minimum wage] an hour. I would love to help you, but I have absolutely no say over what is on television. I wouldn’t even know who to call to ask them to stop broadcasting them. Personally, I agree with you. I don’t like the new slogan. I think it’s dumb and I also think it’s inappropriate. However, I can’t help you; only the corporate office can.”

Irate Caller: “If you agree with me, why won’t you help me? I’m going to get you fired and, then sue for exposing my kids to [oral sex]! It’s not right what you’re doing.”

Me: “Okay, sir, if you call the corporate office, they can put you in contact with their legal department.”

Irate Caller: “Why are you doing this to my kids, you [swear word]?”

Me: “Sir, it is time for me to close the restaurant. I cannot help you and I really need to go. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you, but if you call the corporate office, I’m sure you can find someone with the authority to help. Do you need me to repeat the number?”

Irate Caller: “You know you’re going to Hell, right?” *slams down the phone*

Page 3/4112345...Last
« Previous
Next »