Send Christmas Cards To The Telemarketers

, , , , , | Right | December 25, 2019

(I work as customer support for a website where people can design their own Christmas cards with their photos. Occasionally, we have to call them to ask about a design or confirm their address or something. Since our number is an 800-number, a lot of people think we are just telemarketers. I am calling a woman as her email has come back invalid.)

Customer: *picks up the phone* “NO!” *hangs up* 

(I decide to call her back once more to see if I can explain I’m not a telemarketer. I hear the phone pick up but nobody says anything. All I can hear is breathing.)

Me: “Hello…?”

Customer: *breathing* 

Me: “Um… if you can hear me, I’m calling from website about your order—”

Customer: “Oh!” *suddenly pleasant* “Yes, hi. Sorry about that. I hate telemarketers so I always try to waste their time.”

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For The Record, This Isn’t Recorded

, , , | Right | November 30, 2019

(As part of my job, I have to contact customers to let them know the status of their repairs. Normally, it goes well but every so often…)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] at [Store]. I’m calling to—”

Customer: *click*

Me: *redials* “Hello, this is [My Name] at [Store].”  

Customer: “Oh! You’re not a recording?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m just calling to let you know that your computer is ready to be picked up.”

Customer: “You sounded just like a recording!”

Me: “I’ve been told that before.”

(Sometimes I didn’t even get that far, and they’d still hang up on the second try. Then, I’d just note on the account that they hung up on me, so if they called to complain about not getting a status report, we’d have a valid reason to give them.)

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Redial Denial

, , , , , | Right | November 27, 2019

(Part of my job involves being issued a company mobile phone. I get a different one every day; as such, they are not specific to any one employee. The vast majority of the time we use the mobile to call our warehouse for manager support. We almost never receive calls. One day, the phone rings:)

Me: “[Company] delivery, [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “John?”

Me: “No, sorry, this is [My Name]. I’m a delivery driver for [Company].”

Caller: “Ah, okay!” *hangs up*

(Ten seconds later, the phone rings:)

Me: “[Company] delivery; [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “John?”

Me: “Sorry, mate, still me!”

Caller: “Right, okay!” *hangs up*

(Ten seconds later, the phone rings — same number.)

Me: “Still me, mate.”

Caller: “Not John?”

Me: “Nope, still [My Name].”

Caller: “Okay.” *hangs up*

(As you can imagine, ten seconds later, he calls again.)

Me: “Uh, mate, are you just using redial?”

Caller: “Yes… John?”

Me: “If you hit redial, it will keep calling me.”

Caller: “Oh, okay, I got ya!” *hangs up*

(Once again, he calls me back.)

Me: “Mate, do you know how phones work? You can’t keep calling the same number expecting someone else to answer.”

Caller: “No John?”

Me: “Uh, no. If you keep calling the same number, you will keep getting me.”

Caller: “Oh, okay.” *hangs up*

(As you might expect, he calls again.)

Me: “John?”

Caller: “John!”

Me:John!

Caller:Yes, John! Finally. I kept getting some t*** from [Rival Company].”

Me: “No, still me from [Company].”

Caller: “LOOK, I’M GETTING A BIT SICK OF THIS! STOP ANSWERING! LET ME TALK TO JOHN.”

Me: “Okay, mate, this is a mobile owned and operated by [Company]; there is no John here. There is no John in my department! YOU ARE CALLING THE WRONG NUMBER!”

Caller: “Fine, well, I guess I’ll do it the hard way and dial each number again.”

(Thankfully, after that, he never called again. I just hope he got the number right that time and some other poor person didn’t have the same experience.)

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Why Younger People Text

, , , , , , | Related | November 23, 2019

(I stay with my grandma most summers while my father works. I’m about eight years old, watching TV inside, and Grandma is outside working on her truck. Her landline phone rings.)

Me: *loudly through the open door* “Grandma! The phone is ringing!”

Grandma: “I’ve got oil on my hands; can you answer it and tell them I’ll be right there?”

Me: “Hello–“

Caller: *shouting* “You’re in so much trouble! You oughta be ashamed of yourself! I’m gonna call the sheriff on you and you’re gonna get arrested! And go to jail!

(I hang up and burst into tears just as my grandma walks in.)

Grandma: “Honey, what happened? Why are you crying?”

Me: *blubbering* “The man on the phone was yelling at meeeee! He— He said he was gonna send me to jaaaaaail!”

(The phone rings again and Grandma snatches it off the receiver.)

Grandma: “Who is… [Grandma’s Brother]? Oh, Lord, do you have any idea what you just did, you idiot?”

(Turns out, Grandma’s brother, who lived nearby, noticed he was driving behind Grandma’s truck earlier in the day and that she had a tail light out. He figured he’d call his little sister up and “threaten” to call the sheriff — the sheriff at the time being their older brother. And the reason he was yelling into the phone? He was half-deaf at that point and too stubborn to wear his hearing aids. It took Grandma ten minutes to get me to stop crying, and I didn’t answer her phone again for a month!)

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Prank Calling From China

, , , , | Friendly | November 11, 2019

(I’m sitting in a park with my mom, playing with my phone, when I get a call from an unknown number. As I never get calls, I answer out of curiosity.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: *very clearly a child* “Hi, yeah. You just won a trip to Paris.”

Me: “Oh, really?”

Caller: “Yeah, and you have to go to China to get the tickets.”

(I think to myself, “Wow, what a creative prank call,” and decide to call them out on their attempt.)

Me: “Mhm. Since you have my number, I will guess this is one of the little kids from [Local Pokemon Go Chat Group].”

(To my surprise, the kid on the other end starts spewing out the foulest string of insults a person could muster. I wait a few minutes, turning to look at my mother staring confusedly at me.)

Me:And since I now have your number, I will be calling the police.”

Caller: *click*

(I started explaining to my mom what was happening, and not ten seconds later, I got a text that read, “We are sorry. Please don’t call the cops! It was just a joke and it was my friend, anyway.” We laughed all the way home.)

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