I am a Linux user. I have an enormous amount of fun with “there is something wrong with your Microsoft software” scammers.

Scammer: “Go to the Start icon.”

Me: “I’m restarting my computer. Hold on.”

I make them wait.

Then, they try to tell me where the start icon is. But it isn’t there. They keep trying to get me to do things I can’t do. Eventually, I tell them I use Linux. They swear at me and hang up.

People everywhere: if you get a call from someone who says there is something wrong with your computer, hang up. If you are concerned, get a local tech support company to help you.

Our front desk receives its share of junk calls: scammers, cold-callers, magazine shills, and also conniving recruiters. The first time I get it, I have no idea what’s going on.

Me: “Good afternoon, [Company #1], this is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Caller #1: “Hello! This is [Caller] with [Company #2]. I’m looking for [Employee #1]; I wanted to talk to him about collaboration on an upcoming project.”

I start looking up the employee.

Me: “Let me just check to see if he’s available. Can I ask if this is about a project that’s currently underway?”

Caller #1: “No, it’s not a current project, but it’s about a prospective upcoming project we want to collaborate on.”

Me: “Ah. Can I get some details on the project in case I need to take a message?”

Caller #1: “Of course! The project is—”

The line goes dead; there’s a hang-up tone in my ear — just as I find the employee, too. At the time, I think that it’s a glitch in the system that caused the call to drop. I pass along the few notes I have to the employee, but as we didn’t get a callback number or anything, there’s not much to do with it.

Within two days, I’m picking up another call.

Me: “Good afternoon, [Company #1], this is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Caller #2: “Hello! This is [Caller #2] with [Company #2]. I’m looking for [Employee #2]. I wanted to talk to him about collaboration on an upcoming project.”

NOW it’s twigging. The formula is almost identical, and it hasn’t been that long, so I remember it pretty well.

Me: “Can I ask if this is in regards to a project that’s currently underway?”

Caller #2: “It’s not. We’re trying to get collaboration on a future project.”

Me: “Can I get some information on the project in question?”

Caller #2: “Of course! The project is—” 

The call dropped.

One time I could call a freak accident, but twice almost the exact same way? I looked up the company name. The results I saw were for a recruitment firm, not a firm in our actual industry. I sent out the message to watch out for them so anyone else picking up the phone knew that we didn’t want to pass them along.

To date, I’ve picked up six calls from these folks. I’m waiting to see if they come up with an actual fake project to talk about. So far, they haven’t.

I work as a specimen receptionist in a pathology laboratory that is connected to a public hospital setting. I do data entry for bloodwork so it can get tested. The area I work in has seven workstations. Each workstation has a phone. I am by myself for whatever reason and the phone rings.

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] from pathology. How can I help you?”

Scammer: “Hello, I was just wanting to talk to you about your overdue power bill. We can help you set up a payment plan today.”

Me: “Um, just so you know, you have reached a hospital.”

Scammer: “Oh.” *Hangs up*

I chuckle slightly and go back to work.

The next phone along rings. I transfer it to my phone.

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] from pathology. How can I help you?”

Scammer: “Hello, I was just wanting to talk to you—”

Me: “Hi. Hospital again.”

The scammer sighs and hangs up. Even more amused, I go back to work again.

The NEXT phone rings. I transfer it to my phone. By this stage, I am suspicious.

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] from pathology. How can I help you?”

Scammer: “Oh, for God’s sake.” *Hangs up*

I laughed openly and then stared expectantly at the next phone. Disappointingly, it did not ring.

I used to get this kind of scam call a lot.

Scammer: “If you don’t pay us right now, we are going to issue a warrant for your arrest!”

At the time, I worked at the county courthouse, and the sheriff’s office was literally across the hall from my desk. Man, they got pissed when I’d tell them I was walking across the hall to turn myself in.

I got a call today for my extended car warranty. I’ve started answering all scam/telemarketing calls the same way because their reactions make me giggle. As soon as they pick up, I very enthusiastically say:

Me: “HELLO! We’ve been trying to reach you about your extended car warranty! How are you today?!”

I think I threw the chick for a loop because she stuttered and went:

Caller: “My extended car warranty?”

I heard someone in the background speak.

Caller’s Coworker: “Oh, it’s her. Just hang up.”

Then, there was a click and the phone went dead. I died laughing!