Requires Some Context For The Concept

| USA | Romantic | October 15, 2014

Boyfriend: “Yeah, I was just at Target. Dad wanted me to pick up some diapers for the Immaculate Conception.”

Me: “…what?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, the church is having a diaper drive!”

Me: “Okay, you had me confused and a little worried for a second there.”

My Mouth Is Full And My Brain Is Empty

| Seattle, WA, USA | Romantic | February 10, 2014

(My boyfriend and I have a long-distance relationship that we’ve kept alive for six years. He makes a habit of calling me every night after he gets off of work. Tonight, he has had to work late and is exhausted. I’m talking his ear off.)

Me: “…but I am on budget for this week. Ooh! You know what I bought yesterday?”

Boyfriend: “I don’t really care, but I’m about to have a cheeseburger in my mouth and I like hearing your voice, so go for it.”

New Year’s Leave

| Albany, NY, USA | Romantic | January 1, 2014

(My boyfriend and I live three hours apart, but I am visiting for New Year’s Eve. I have previously given him money to come and visit me, but he couldn’t get off of school at the time.)

Me: “I was thinking we could go out to eat, and then maybe go to a club to dance and watch the ball drop.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, we should go see that new movie too! Also, you need to pay. I don’t really want to go to the club; we should just do dinner and a movie, and then come here and play video games!”

Me: “You know I love video games, but it’s New Year’s Eve! Can’t we go out?”

Boyfriend: “I just really don’t want to.”

Me: “So, you want me to pay for dinner and a movie, after paying to come all the way up here, and you spent the money I gave you?”

Boyfriend: “Yup.”

Me: “Yeah, we’re over.”

Boyfriend: “Okay, but can you still buy me dinner?”

Dad Has A Hidden A-Gender

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Related | July 4, 2013

(I’ve recently come out as transgendered to almost my whole family, and spend very little time as a boy anymore except for work. My father calls me to tell me he won’t be home on the weekend, so not to bother coming around to visit. He has been very apprehensive about breaking the news to my grandmother.)

Dad: “You know, you could always go see your grandmother instead.”

Me: “What, and blow her mind?”

Dad: “I told her.”

Me: “Yeah, and what did she say?”

Dad: “Oh, you know, ‘kids will do what they do’.”

Me: “I think I’ll just wait until I can visit with you instead.”

Dad: “Just do it, you weak p****!”

Me: “It only took you, what, four months to tell her?”

Dad: “What was that? You’re breaking up. I can’t hear you; you’ll have to speak louder!”

Me: “You’re going through a tunnel too, right?”

Dad: “Smart-a**!”

A Window Of Opportunity

| Yorkshire, England, UK | Related | June 5, 2013

(My dad doesn’t actually own a computer.)

Technician: “Good afternoon, sir. Am I am speaking to Mr. [name]?”

Dad: “Yes, you are. Who’s speaking?”

Technician: “Hello, I am calling to speak to you about a virus on your Windows.”

Dad: “A virus on my windows? But I had my windows cleaned yesterday.”

Technician: “No, sir, I don’t think you understand; I am a Windows technician.”

Dad: “Oh, so you’re trying to sell me double-glazing?”

Technician: “No, sir, Windows on your computer.”

Dad: “My computer doesn’t have any windows, or any doors.”

Technician: “No, your computer has a virus that could stop it working and let people steal your details.”

Dad: “You mean a bit like you are trying to steal my details and money by claiming a be a Windows technician?”

Technician: “I am a Windows technician; I can see everything on your computer now and can fix it for you.”

Dad: “No, thank you; I’m not interested.”

Technician: “Do you want to lose all of your files and have your details stolen?”

Dad: “Very well, if you are a Windows technician, can you tell me which operating system I use?”

Technician: “You are using Windows XP.”

Dad: “Actually no, I don’t own a computer!”

Technician: “So, you are just wasting my time?”

Dad: “You started it!”

Technician: *hangs up*

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