I work on delivering packages for a major online store. They have recently started scheduling delivering as early as 8:00 am, so this means I’m up around 2:30 am to be ready for the early-morning delivery blocks. I am on the way when I realize I should put more gas in the car and grab some liquid caffeine at the same time, so I pull into a local gas station to tank up.

When I get there, I notice a rather thin man walking around in a thin coat — which is understandable, as it can get quite cold at night here, even in the desert. What I do not expect is that he is wearing sandals… and a red, ankle-length dress. I am a little unnerved, but he doesn’t make any violent moves toward me as I get out of my car and doesn’t even seem to notice me. I think, “Live and let live,” and head in to get a drink and some fuel.

As I’m paying, I mention the guy to the cashier, because he should probably know the guy’s around for safety reasons. When I describe him, he says, “Yeah… he used to be a cashier at one of our other stores.”

Already thinking this night might be a little too surreal, I ask, “Used to be?”

The cashier responds, “Yeah. He got fired when he spilled a soft-serve cone on the floor and then began licking it up. He hangs around a few of the stores sometimes.”

When I step outside, the man is gone, leaving no trace behind. I pump my gas, looking around me multiple times, but he does not reappear.

I still think about him. Shine on, you crazy, dress-wearing, ice-cream-off-the-floor-licking diamond.

(I work in the call center for an online contact-lens seller. A gentleman calls in upset that he has ripped his last pair of lenses. I help him place an order for a new box. Everything is going fine until we get towards the end of the call.)

Me: “Okay, sir, how did you want your lenses shipped? We offer free shipping via USPS which usually takes five to seven business days, or you can have them shipped next-day via [Shipping Company] for $19.95. Please be advised that since it’s Saturday, though, your order wouldn’t ship until Monday, so the earliest you’d receive them is Tuesday.”

Caller: “No, I need them now.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry for the miscommunication, sir, but our distribution center is not open on Saturday, so the earliest I can get them to you is Tuesday.”

Caller: “But I need them now! You will get them to me now! I need them to see; bring them to me.” 

Me: “Sir, we are in a different state than you. I am unable to bring you lenses.”

Caller: “I know that! You need to fax or email me my lenses immediately!”

Me: “You want me to email you your contact lenses?”

Caller: “Yes! Or fax! I need them now! If you can’t do it, I’ll find someplace that can.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t do that.”

Caller: *click*

(I am a patron eating breakfast, and I see a large man with a very young child. The man is sucked into his phone, completely ignoring the child, except to hush him when he seeks some attention. This goes on for half an hour; the child is fairly well-behaved but clearly bored out of his mind. Near the end of this time, the child gets more rambunctious and the man starts pushing him in addition to hushing him. Before I leave, I walk over.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir, just a slight tip; if you’d pay some attention to him rather than playing with your phone, he might act out less, and you might not feel it’s necessary to lay your hands on him.”

Man: “And who the h*** are you? I raised six kids before; I think I know more about parenting than you! You should just shut your mouth, and please don’t ever go up to people at a restaurant like this; it’s rude.”

Me: “And I’m certain that at least the ones who you raised before you had a smartphone are probably model citizens like you, and think that violence or neglect towards their children is okay, but calling others out on unacceptable behaviour isn’t. Sir.”

Man: “I’ve got half a mind to kick your a** right now!”

Me: “Do you really think that’s an appropriate example to set for your son, sir?”

(He starts getting redder and sputtering so I decide I should make an exit.)

Me: “But you’re right about one thing; it really isn’t my business how poorly you raise your child. Have a nice day.”

(On the way out, my waitress stopped me to thank me for speaking to him. She had entertained the little boy some and he reacted very nicely to her, but she was frustrated by the father ignoring him, as well.)

I am the bad customer, though unintentionally.

We went to our favorite sushi restaurant and it was packed. One waiter was running around, taking care of everyone, and doing his best. We could tell he was a good waiter but a bit flustered.

I did not receive one of our rolls we ordered, but we were stuffed by that point anyway, so we told him it was fine and he took it off our tab. We paid him in cash and he said he’d be right back with our change, but we told him to keep the change, tipped the sushi guy, and left happy.

I got home and realized I had too much money left — I knew how much I started with — and realized I had paid for our food, tipped the sushi guy, and stiffed the waiter! I immediately drove back, explained what had happened, and apologized. He was very gracious and said, “Well, drinks were a little slow, and I did miss one of your rolls.”

I told him he did a great job and that I was embarrassed that I had forgotten his tip, and gave him a few extra bucks. He held out his hand for a shake and thanked me for returning. I redeemed myself, but what a dummy! I am still cringing at my “keep the change,” remark as, at that point, it was literally just some change, about 11 cents. Ouch.

(I work for a television station. On rare occasions, we have to go off the air to repair our tower. It happens less than once per year. We’ve been off the air for an hour when the phone rings.)

Me: “[Channel Station], how may I direct your call?”

Viewer: “Did you know that you’re off the air right now?”

Me: “Yes, we have a crew on our tower right now to make repairs. The power is cut while they’re on the tower. We should be back on the air in an hour or two.”

Viewer: “But I’m missing my show.”

Me: “We’re working to get back on the air. Shouldn’t be much longer.”

Viewer: “Why can’t they work at night?”

Me: “They need to see what they’re working on.”

Viewer: “Why can’t they use flashlights?”

Me: “It’s not safe to have anyone climb the tower at night.”

Viewer: “Why do you have to turn the power off to make repairs?”

Me: “It’s to prevent our crew from being electrocuted.”

(Silence.)

Me: “Thank you for watching. Do you have any more questions?”

(They hung up.)