(The guy before me at the checkout has all his items on the belt, as well as the between customer’s separator block. The very young check-out girl picks up the separator block and waves it at the scanner. Obviously, nothing happens.)

Cashier: *looking puzzled* “I don’t have a price for this. I’ll have to call a supervisor.”

(The customer looks at me with a ‘what the h***?’ expression before turning to the cashier.)

Customer: “Don’t bother. I didn’t really want it anyway.”

Cashier: “Okay, have a good day!”

(Somehow, I felt her training hadn’t been quite adequate for a check-out cashier’s position!)

(I work at a kitchen and bath showroom that sells sinks, faucets, showers, etc.)

Customer: “I want this shower set!” *points to an expensive set*

Me: “Great. That one is wonderful! Now, do you already have this brand in your shower or are you opening the walls?”

Customer: “I don’t see why you need to know that!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but every brand’s showers have specific valves that are placed in the wall. Each brand only works with their valves. To change a shower, unless you stay with the same brand, you also have to switch valves.”

Customer: “Oh, that is a lie. Everyone knows that is a scam to get more money.”

Me: “Well, the valve only costs about $40 for this brand. It’s one of the most affordable valves!”

Customer: “Whatever. Just give me this shower.”

Me: “Okay, sir, your total with the valve is-“

Customer: “I don’t need the valve! Stop trying to charge me more!”

Me: “Oh, so, you do have this brand already?”

Customer: “Ugh, no! I just told you that I am onto your scam!”

Me: “Sir, I won’t sell you this shower unless you buy the valve. The shower won’t work. I won’t sell you an item that is not going to work.”

Customer: “How dare you! Are you denying me service for not going along with your scam?”

Me: “No, I am saving you money and refusing to scam you by selling you an item that will not function for you.”

Customer: “I cannot believe this! I will get you fired for this! You are discriminating against me for not going along with your scheme!”

Me: “Sir, all you have to do is buy a $40 valve and place it in your wall. Every shower has one. Every brand has one. I am trying to save you a lot of time and wasted effort.”

Customer: “I will never shop here! I am going to [Our Biggest Competitor]!”

Me: “That is fine, sir, but they will not sell to you without the valve or the same brand already being in place. If they do, then they are scamming you out of your money.”

(The customer storms out. Three days later:)

Same Customer: “I want to buy that shower and valve.”

Me: “Okay, great. I am glad that you came back to purchase.”

Same Customer: “I went to the other store and bought the item and it didn’t work. But because I opened it, they refused to refund me. I have to buy this twice now. Why didn’t you tell me that I needed the valve?”

Me: “…”

(Our office is only open a half-day on Friday. This takes place at about 11:00 am.)

Patient: “So, today is your half-day, right?”

Me: “Right; we’re only open half the day on Fridays.”

Patient: “Are you open in the morning or the afternoon?”

Me: *looks around at the waiting room full of patients, including her* “Uh… Morning.”

Patient: “Oh, that would make sense.”

(I work in a showroom for kitchen and bath fixtures and faucets.)

Customer: “I need a handle for a faucet. Mine is broken.”

Me: “Okay, we can probably get you a replacement. What faucet is it?”

Customer: “A kitchen one.”

Me: “Okay… what brand?”

Customer: “A kitchen one.”

Me: “Uhm… okay… is it—” *lists popular brands*

Customer: “I don’t know. It’s my kitchen faucet.”

Me: “How many handles does it have? One? Two?”

Customer: “A broken one.”

Me: “So… one handle?”

Customer: “And a not broken one.”

Me: “Okay… So, two handles?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Do any of the ones on our wall look like it?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have the handle with you?”

Customer: “No, I threw it away.”

Me: “I have no idea how to help you. I need a brand to start with, or the handle, or even a picture. Do you have a picture?”

Customer: “No. Can you get me a handle?”

Me: *internally screaming*

(I work in a kitchen and bath showroom. A middle-aged couple walks in.)

Me: “Hello! How can I help you guys today?”

Customer: “I want a kitchen faucet!”

Me: “Okay, most of them are going to be on this wall here. What size or style are you considering?”

(The customer is walking around, yanking on the display models on the wall. Display models are not set up to be used. She wants a faucet that has a nozzle that can pull out of the faucet itself.)

Me: “Oh, ma’am, be careful! Those faucets are supposed to have hoses so that you can pull out the spout, but these are display models. Pulling on them will just break them.”

Customer: “Then how I am supposed to know if they work?!”

Me: “All of the faucets on the actual counter are functional. You can pull those out and see how they work. The wall, however, just has display models.”

Customer: *reaches up and tries to yank on another faucet*

Me: “Ma’am, really. I am going to have to ask you to stop doing that.”

(I grab the spout of a faucet that is on the counter and pull on it.)

Me: “See? These ones are hooked up.”

(The customer walks over to another faucet on the wall and violently pulls on it. She breaks the spout off and rips the display off the wall, breaking the wood that holds the displays up.)

Me: “Ma’am! I informed you that those are not hooked up! You have now damaged property that belongs to this store!”

Customer: “Well, you should hook them all up!”

Me: “Ma’am, these faucets have two-foot long hoses in them. The display ledge is only two inches thick. The maker of these faucets sent them to us for the express purpose of display. You also managed to break my wall, as well. These walls are specially made to hang these displays on!”

Customer: “Whatever; that is Velcro!”

Me: “Are you serious? What about this looks like Velcro to you?”

(I point to the wood on the wall that she splintered, and then to the metal brackets that had been holding the faucet stand to the wall.)

Customer’s Husband: “Honey, come on. You broke it and didn’t listen.”

Customer: “I don’t want to shop in a store with such rude employees, anyway!”

(My boss told me that if she had not had left, I should have run her out.)