If That Floats Your Boat, Then Sure!

, , , , | Right | November 14, 2017

(I’m showing a prospective client around one of our condominium showrooms.)

Me: “All right, do you have any other questions?”

Customer: “Yes, does the unit come with a parking slot?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. All of our condominiums come with at least one parking slot.”

Customer: “Can I park my yacht there?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve honestly never been asked that question. Let me call my manager and get back to you.”

(I step aside to make a call as she heads to the bathroom.)

Me: “Hi, [Manager], I have a client here asking if she can use her parking slot in [Area] for a yacht.”

Manager: “That’s new. Well, if it fits, sure.”

(I hang up just as the customer comes back.)

Me: “Ma’am, my manager says that if you can fit it down there, you can park your yacht.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I’m not sure it would make it. But thank you for checking!”

You And Ice Cream Need To Come To An Understanding

, , , | Right | October 17, 2017

(I’m in line at a burger place, on my way home from work. The customer before me has just finished placing a massive order for his seated family and is deciding on dessert.)

Customer: “I guess we’ll take five sundaes.”

Cashier: “Certainly, sir. Would those be caramel or hot fudge sundaes?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Cashier: “Just in the topping, sir. Caramel or hot fudge.”

Customer: “But what’s the difference between those two?”

Cashier: “Sir, one has hot fudge on it, and the other has caramel sauce.”

Customer: “But what is that?”

Cashier: “Sir?”

Customer: “What is caramel?”

Cashier: “It’s basically melted sugar.”

Customer: “So, it’s sweet?”

Cashier: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: *after a pause* “I like sweet desserts.”

Cashier: “So, will that be five caramel sundaes?”

Customer: “Is caramel sweeter than chocolate?”

Cashier: “I think so, sir.”

Customer: “Will I like it?”

Cashier: “If you like sweet things, yes, sir.”

Customer: “Will my family like it?”

Cashier: “If they like sweet desserts, I’m sure they’ll like our caramel sundae.”

Customer: “Ice cream is complicated.”

(Suddenly, a woman seated nearby with kids — presumably his family — shouts:)

Woman: “Just give him apple pies!”

You’ve Been Out-Street-Smarted

, , , , | Related | July 28, 2017

(My grandma never likes to waste food. Back when my mom was a kid, Grandma would always give the classic “There are children starving in Africa!” argument. Then they move to the Philippines.)

Grandma: “Finish your food. There are children starving right down the street!”

Uncle: *bolts out of his seat, picks up his plate, and heads for the door*

Grandma: “Where are you going?”

Uncle: “I’m going to go give it to them!”

(She stopped using that argument after that.)

Unfiltered Story #90056

, , | Unfiltered | June 22, 2017

(It’s my first day of working as a barista for a popular coffee shop and every year, at around November, there is a promo that if you buy a certain coffee, you get a sticker; if you get enough stickers, you get a year-long planner.)

Me: “Hi! Good to see you again. What’ll be your drink today?”

Girl: “Hiya! Double Venti Java Chip, please, and a grilled ham and three cheeses.”

Me: “Okay! Are you still collecting stickers for the planner?”

Girl: “No, no. But could you please give the sticker to the next person who asks?”

Me: “Sure thing! Could I have your name for the cup?”

Girl: “[Name.]” *spells out her name as I write it*

Me: “All right! Please wait at the bar for your drink!”

(She pays for her drink and the next customer gets her sticker. Later on, when she’s served her food, she takes her tray to a table that’s yet to be cleaned, she clears it herself, throwing away the empty plastic cups and paper towels in the proper wastebins, and walks back to the bar to return the tray, filled with a neatly piled stack of plates of the last person who occupied the table.)

Me: “Did you use to work here?”

Girl: “What? Oh, no!” *grins* “I just like doing things for myself. Besides, you’re all always pretty busy.”

(Supervisor comes in.)

Supervisor: “Hi, Miss [Name]! Good to see you again! How’s your screenplay going?”

Girl: “Oh, hey! Still working on it, like you do, thanks very much for asking!”

(I asked my supervisor about her because I’ve never met anyone so polite! Apparently, this girl has been going to this particular coffee shop for years and she’s been doing this for as long as anyone can remember. She would stay for hours at a time, writing things, and sometimes order every few hours. I’ve never known anyone so self-sufficient, polite, and kind… especially in this country! I don’t know if you’ll ever see this but you rock, girl!)