The Mother Of All Filipino Time

, , , , , , | Related | September 4, 2018

(My mother is notorious for never being on time. We’ve joked about it countless times, and my father is usually the one who ends up waking her, since she hates being woken up by an alarm. The morning of this conversation, she tells my father that they must leave the house at six am to do a few errands… only to end up leaving at 7:30. That afternoon, she is talking about a trip she will be talking with a friend tomorrow.)

Mother: “…and I will be leaving by six am.”

Me: *pats father on the arm* “Hear that, Dad? She needs to leave by six am.”

Mother: *indignantly* “Hey, I did wake up at six am today!”

Me: “Yes, but did you get out of the bed?”

(Not at the time, no.)

Class Is Closed To Ugly Personalities

, , , , | | Right | May 18, 2018

(I’m working the front desk, which includes taking calls.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Gym]. This is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I’d like to ask about today’s scheduled [fitness class].”

Me: “No problem. Let me just check that for you.”

(I do a quick check of the day’s schedule.)

Me: “Hi, thanks for waiting. Today we will be having that class at 3:00 pm, and again at 7:00 pm. [Instructor] will be handling both classes.”

Caller: “Okay. Will [Member I know] be attending?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I wouldn’t know. Our classes are open to all members, so it’s certainly possible.”

Caller: “Could you find out for me? I don’t want to go to the same class as him. He’s so ugly!”

Me: “Um… Well, ma’am, I really couldn’t say. All I know is that he isn’t in right now. Whether he comes to the gym today is beyond me, let alone whether he’s attending [fitness class].”

Caller: “But can’t you call him and find out?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I’m fairly certain this doesn’t fit under any of the reasons we’re allowed to contact members outside of the gym.”

Caller: “Oh, but just this once, please? I really don’t want to be in the same class as him.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t help you with this, right now or ever.”

Caller: *suddenly shouting* “FINE, BUT IT’LL BE YOUR FAULT IF MY CLASS IS RUINED!” *hangs up angrily*

Unfiltered Story #109361

, , | Unfiltered | April 25, 2018

The customer’s a middle aged lady, and I was listening to an agent’s recording when…

Customer: *mumbles something on the phone*

Agent: I’m sorry, ma’m. Come again?

Customer: Honey, it’ll take me a while to come again.

I told my current trainer about this and she turned red laughing.

If That Floats Your Boat, Then Sure!

, , , , | Right | November 14, 2017

(I’m showing a prospective client around one of our condominium showrooms.)

Me: “All right, do you have any other questions?”

Customer: “Yes, does the unit come with a parking slot?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. All of our condominiums come with at least one parking slot.”

Customer: “Can I park my yacht there?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve honestly never been asked that question. Let me call my manager and get back to you.”

(I step aside to make a call as she heads to the bathroom.)

Me: “Hi, [Manager], I have a client here asking if she can use her parking slot in [Area] for a yacht.”

Manager: “That’s new. Well, if it fits, sure.”

(I hang up just as the customer comes back.)

Me: “Ma’am, my manager says that if you can fit it down there, you can park your yacht.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I’m not sure it would make it. But thank you for checking!”

You And Ice Cream Need To Come To An Understanding

, , , | Right | October 17, 2017

(I’m in line at a burger place, on my way home from work. The customer before me has just finished placing a massive order for his seated family and is deciding on dessert.)

Customer: “I guess we’ll take five sundaes.”

Cashier: “Certainly, sir. Would those be caramel or hot fudge sundaes?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Cashier: “Just in the topping, sir. Caramel or hot fudge.”

Customer: “But what’s the difference between those two?”

Cashier: “Sir, one has hot fudge on it, and the other has caramel sauce.”

Customer: “But what is that?”

Cashier: “Sir?”

Customer: “What is caramel?”

Cashier: “It’s basically melted sugar.”

Customer: “So, it’s sweet?”

Cashier: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: *after a pause* “I like sweet desserts.”

Cashier: “So, will that be five caramel sundaes?”

Customer: “Is caramel sweeter than chocolate?”

Cashier: “I think so, sir.”

Customer: “Will I like it?”

Cashier: “If you like sweet things, yes, sir.”

Customer: “Will my family like it?”

Cashier: “If they like sweet desserts, I’m sure they’ll like our caramel sundae.”

Customer: “Ice cream is complicated.”

(Suddenly, a woman seated nearby with kids — presumably his family — shouts:)

Woman: “Just give him apple pies!”

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