Class Is Closed To Ugly Personalities

, , , | | Right | May 18, 2018

(I’m working the front desk, which includes taking calls.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Gym]. This is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I’d like to ask about today’s scheduled [fitness class].”

Me: “No problem. Let me just check that for you.”

(I do a quick check of the day’s schedule.)

Me: “Hi, thanks for waiting. Today we will be having that class at 3:00 pm, and again at 7:00 pm. [Instructor] will be handling both classes.”

Caller: “Okay. Will [Member I know] be attending?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I wouldn’t know. Our classes are open to all members, so it’s certainly possible.”

Caller: “Could you find out for me? I don’t want to go to the same class as him. He’s so ugly!”

Me: “Um… Well, ma’am, I really couldn’t say. All I know is that he isn’t in right now. Whether he comes to the gym today is beyond me, let alone whether he’s attending [fitness class].”

Caller: “But can’t you call him and find out?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I’m fairly certain this doesn’t fit under any of the reasons we’re allowed to contact members outside of the gym.”

Caller: “Oh, but just this once, please? I really don’t want to be in the same class as him.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t help you with this, right now or ever.”

Caller: *suddenly shouting* “FINE, BUT IT’LL BE YOUR FAULT IF MY CLASS IS RUINED!” *hangs up angrily*

Unfiltered Story #109361

, , | Unfiltered | April 25, 2018

The customer’s a middle aged lady, and I was listening to an agent’s recording when…

Customer: *mumbles something on the phone*

Agent: I’m sorry, ma’m. Come again?

Customer: Honey, it’ll take me a while to come again.

I told my current trainer about this and she turned red laughing.

If That Floats Your Boat, Then Sure!

, , , , | Right | November 14, 2017

(I’m showing a prospective client around one of our condominium showrooms.)

Me: “All right, do you have any other questions?”

Customer: “Yes, does the unit come with a parking slot?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. All of our condominiums come with at least one parking slot.”

Customer: “Can I park my yacht there?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve honestly never been asked that question. Let me call my manager and get back to you.”

(I step aside to make a call as she heads to the bathroom.)

Me: “Hi, [Manager], I have a client here asking if she can use her parking slot in [Area] for a yacht.”

Manager: “That’s new. Well, if it fits, sure.”

(I hang up just as the customer comes back.)

Me: “Ma’am, my manager says that if you can fit it down there, you can park your yacht.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I’m not sure it would make it. But thank you for checking!”

You And Ice Cream Need To Come To An Understanding

, , , | Right | October 17, 2017

(I’m in line at a burger place, on my way home from work. The customer before me has just finished placing a massive order for his seated family and is deciding on dessert.)

Customer: “I guess we’ll take five sundaes.”

Cashier: “Certainly, sir. Would those be caramel or hot fudge sundaes?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Cashier: “Just in the topping, sir. Caramel or hot fudge.”

Customer: “But what’s the difference between those two?”

Cashier: “Sir, one has hot fudge on it, and the other has caramel sauce.”

Customer: “But what is that?”

Cashier: “Sir?”

Customer: “What is caramel?”

Cashier: “It’s basically melted sugar.”

Customer: “So, it’s sweet?”

Cashier: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: *after a pause* “I like sweet desserts.”

Cashier: “So, will that be five caramel sundaes?”

Customer: “Is caramel sweeter than chocolate?”

Cashier: “I think so, sir.”

Customer: “Will I like it?”

Cashier: “If you like sweet things, yes, sir.”

Customer: “Will my family like it?”

Cashier: “If they like sweet desserts, I’m sure they’ll like our caramel sundae.”

Customer: “Ice cream is complicated.”

(Suddenly, a woman seated nearby with kids — presumably his family — shouts:)

Woman: “Just give him apple pies!”

You’ve Been Out-Street-Smarted

, , , , | Related | July 28, 2017

(My grandma never likes to waste food. Back when my mom was a kid, Grandma would always give the classic “There are children starving in Africa!” argument. Then they move to the Philippines.)

Grandma: “Finish your food. There are children starving right down the street!”

Uncle: *bolts out of his seat, picks up his plate, and heads for the door*

Grandma: “Where are you going?”

Uncle: “I’m going to go give it to them!”

(She stopped using that argument after that.)

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