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Giving You Their Two Cents About Fourteen Cents  

, , , , , , | Right | February 21, 2020

(I work in a pizza shop which delivers to local people and businesses. There is a nursing home nearby which is known — at least to us — for being awful to both patients and our delivery drivers, but it is mainly the patients who call, so we haven’t blacklisted them. Today, we send a driver over with an order for one of the patients. It costs $13.86, and our drivers carry fives and ones but not coins, which is a fairly well-known and obvious practice. We receive the following phone call from the receptionist at the nursing home.)

Receptionist: “Your delivery man came with an order and refuses to give my patient her correct change! The order was $13.86 and he only gave her $6 back! You need to make him give her the rest of the change! This behavior is absolutely unacceptable. You people are aware that this is a nursing home, and I need to stand up for my patient! You tell him—”

(I have been trying to interrupt her for some time now and finally get through.)

Me: “Ma’am, our drivers don’t carry change with them. If he hasn’t gotten too far I can have him check his car for spare change to bring back, but is fourteen cents really worth the trouble?”

Receptionist: “I am appalled! I can’t believe you people would try to take advantage of an old woman like this! I will be speaking to your owners.”

(She then hung up. The driver in question returned a while later and I asked him about the delivery. As it was a nursing home which houses dementia patients, among others, a security code must be entered before the doors can be opened to let someone leave. The driver said that the receptionist refused to enter the code until he gave her another dollar to cover the missing 14 cents. He also said that while she was on the phone with me, he was standing nearby, and witnessed a nurse screaming at a patient in a wheelchair for spilling a glass of water. At the end of the night, we sent an email to several county officials about the nursing home, so here’s hoping they close down or some people get fired.)

But Adulting Is Haaaaaard!

, , , , | Learning | January 23, 2020

(I work at a professional studies school where the students are working towards a doctorate. Most of the students in their last year are 26 to 30 years old. I am a department admin helping to run a certification that is a graduation requirement for the students graduating in five months.)

Student: “All righty, [Nickname the students aren’t supposed to call me]. I’m all done with the training. I just have to do the final exam to get the certification, and then do I have to email it to you?”

Me: “Yep! Make sure you do it by the date on the paper, or else you’ll have to pay for a new access code.”

Student: “Oh, I threw that away. Can I have another one?”

Me: “You’re in luck. I have one left. I recommend you take a picture of it and make sure you don’t lose it.”

Student: “Hey, you’re going to email us to remind us to do this, right?”

Me: “Nope. You’ve already received three emails with instructions. You’re about to be doctors; I believe in you and your abilities to remember to send your favorite [department] admin–”  *I’m the ONLY admin for this department* “–the certificate.”

Student: *whining* “But we’re just kids. You can’t trust us with anything.”

Me: *just playing around* “How old are you?”

Student: “Twenty-eight.”

Me: “So am I. I think you’ll be fine.”

The Day That Silenced Everyone

, , , , , , | Right | September 11, 2019

(In September 2001, I am on vacation. While I’m there, my boss suffers a massive heart attack and has to be placed in a medically-induced coma. I return home from vacation late on the evening of 10 September and go into work the next morning needing to handle the small company myself. Of course, the day ends up being one of the worst in US history. Several of our clients and vendors are in New York City, and my boss was still comatose. To top it off, we import a significant portion of our product from Scandinavia, which is then held in Customs during the Anthrax scare a week following 9/11. Most of our clients are understanding, but I have variations of this conversation multiple times a day — including with the owner.)

Client: “Why isn’t my [product] here yet?”

Me: “As you know, [product] is shipped from Scandinavia—“

Client: “So?”

Me: “Currently all shipping containers are being held at Port Authority—“

Client: “What?! Why? I need it!”

Me: “Due to recent events, everything is being secured—“

Client: “Well, what the h*** are they even doing?”

Me: “Checking for explosives and/or Anthrax.”

Client: “I want to talk to [Boss]!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but [Boss] is currently unavailable due to a medical emergency—“

Client: “When will he be back?”

Me: “At this point, I am unable to say.”

Client: “…”

Me: “…”

Client: “…”

Me: “I will email you as soon as your [product] clears customs and is in route.”

(When my boss woke up six weeks later, we had to explain to him how the world had literally changed, which caused a second heart attack. I ended up running that small company for the next four months, and then quit once my boss was back and recovered.)


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Learn To Bottle It To Get Those Tips

, , , , , | Working | September 10, 2019

(I’m at a baseball game with some friends, and on this occasion, I’m the designated driver. Before the first inning starts, I go to a concession stand to get a hot dog and a bottle of soda. Despite a man and his two kids making requests of the other vendor, the hot dog comes with no trouble. The soda, however…)

Me: “Excuse me, I asked for a bottle, not a fountain drink.”

Vendor #1: “The bottles aren’t cold.”

Me: “That’s fine. I’ll still take it.”

Vendor #1: “They’re not cold!”

Me: “And that’s fine. It’s liquid, it tastes better than the swill from the fountain, it’ll help break down any fat in this hot dog, and it’s non-alcoholic so I can drive myself and my friends home. Now, may I have a bottle of [Soda]?”

Vendor #1: “THEY’RE! NOT! COLD!”

Vendor #2: “[Vendor #1], that doesn’t bother him.” *hands me a bottle* “Sorry about that.”

Vendor #1: “That’ll be [total].”

(I pay, get my change, fish a dollar out of it, and go to tip like I always do.)

Me: “Oh, wait. You wouldn’t get my order. That was her. And she was busy with her own customers.”

(As soon as I finish, I put the single away, pull out a twenty, and hand it to [Vendor #2], instead.)

Vendor #2: “Thank you, sir! And God bless you!”

(I told my friends what happened before the game started. I went back to the stand three more times, but I still got [Vendor #2] two of those times, so she walked away with $40 in tips just from me while [Vendor #1] never saw a dime. My friends, however, decided to get all of their beer from that stand. While I don’t know what they tipped, I do know they followed my pattern. Based on how many times they went to get drinks, I can only imagine what she raked in from us. I also hope [Vendor #1] learned his lesson.)

Ferreting Around For Information

, , , , | Right | June 20, 2019

(I work in a pet store.)

Caller: “Hi. I wanted to know if you had any ferrets in stock.”

Me: “No, sorry. We don’t have a large enough enclosure for those in our store so we actually don’t sell them at all. I can tell you the phone numbers for some of our larger stores.”

(We discuss this and she decides that they are all too far away.)

Caller: “Do you know any other pet stores in the area that sells them?”

Me: “I know that [Other Store] carries them but I wouldn’t know their stock. I can provide you their number if you want.”

(It’s actually against policy to give out a competitor’s info but most staff do when it comes to things we don’t ever stock.)

Caller: “Yeah, that’s too far. What about mom-and-pop stores? Do you know any of them in the area that have them?”

Me: “I don’t know of any and if I did I wouldn’t know their stocks.”

Caller: “This is ridiculous! You won’t even help me. You mean to tell me you don’t know any other pet stores?!”

Me: “Well, this one I work at has everything I need, so no. Sorry.”

Caller: *sighs heavily* “Put me on with someone who knows more than you.”

Me: “I can’t do that; I’m the only one here. Besides, we are not required to give any business to the competition. You can try Google.”

Caller: “How about a manager? They must know more than you.”

(All of my managers are new, live out of state, and have no knowledge of the local area.)

Me: “As I’ve already said, I can give you the number for the other stores or you can try Google. There is no manager available for this issue.”

Caller: “This is ridiculous. Can you just put me on with a manager?! They must know something outside of your little world there in that store!”

Me: “No manager here can help with—“

(The caller hung up on me. I relayed the story to my manager later and she told me that she fears for the general public.)