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Having A Pew Pew Fight

, , , , , | Right | June 7, 2020

I work at a church as a sacristan helping keep the church orderly for Mass. There are often special elderly parishioners in attendance who have issues.

Old Lady #1: “This is my pew!”

Old Lady #2: “No, this is my pew.”

Me: “Excuse me, ladies. Here at [Church] we believe that community members should share the Mass together. How about both of you sit in this pew?”

Old Lady #1: “This is the 10:30 Mass and this pew is my pew for the 10:30 Mass. I have always sat in this pew for the 10:30 Mass. I have been sitting in this pew for the 10:30 Mass since 1932. Long before you or this bat have been here!”

Old Lady #2: “No, I’ve been sitting here. This is my pew!”

The conversation proceeds on like this with me trying to interject and break things up to no avail. Eventually, a priest comes over.

Priest: “Excuse me, but what seems to be the issue here?”

The two old ladies are practically at blows. They shout their pew story at the priest and he takes [Old Lady #1] by the hand and leads her to a different empty pew, talking with her all the way.

Old Lady #1: “No, no, that’s my pew!”

Eventually, we started Mass and they stopped. This happens every other week. We still have yet to figure out how to resolve it.

Maybe He’s After The Rubber Kind?

, , , , | Right | May 26, 2020

A customer drives up to the speaker in the drive-thru.

Customer: “Is this the Colonel Restaurant?”

I clearly am not expecting that question.

Me: “Excuse me? 

Customer: “Is this KFC?”

Me: “Um… yeah?!”

Customer: “What kind of chicken do you guys have?”

I cut off the mic for a second.

Me: “This is gonna be a long night.”

Explaining Himself In Excruciating Detail

, , , , , , | Learning | May 26, 2020

I am a math teacher at an elementary school. In the late 1980s, I had this one fourth-grader who was very brilliant but sometimes took directions a little too literally. One day, I had the class do a special math problem together after the lesson, where they not only had to show their work as usual but also provide a written explanation on the back of the worksheet detailing the purpose of each step taken to solve the problem.

While the class was working, I noticed that the brilliant kid took a little longer to solve the problem than usual. When he turned it in at the end of class, I saw why.

He had written an overly-detailed explanation explaining literally everything he had done. It was so long and detailed that he actually took up not only the whole backside of the worksheet — most students needed only little more than half — but also about a dozen lines on a sheet of notebook paper.

I laughed to myself and gave him a four — the highest score possible — because he had solved the problem correctly and, while very long, his explanation was ”technically” correct. I told him that the next time I gave him a similar problem, he only needed to explain the solution the same way that his math book explained how to solve example problems.

It’s been over thirty years, and he has since graduated from a nearby Ivy League college and gotten a career in statistics. His son now attends my school and will be in my class for the 2020-21 school year.

Hobbits Would Disapprove

, , , | Right | April 17, 2020

I work at a large chain fast food store and we have just switched over from breakfast to lunch. I am taking orders in the drive-thru.

Customer: “Are you still serving breakfast?”

Me: “No, we’re not.”

Customer: “Oh. What are you serving now, then?”

Me: “Lunch?”

All Aboard The Inadequate Training Train

, , , , , , | Working | April 8, 2020

I’m in high school and just got hired at a music/movie store. On my first shift, I am wearing the uniform but only doing training. This includes watching videos on one of the small machines customers can use to listen to music. I’m wearing headphones and focusing on the video when a customer approaches me. 

The woman asks for help finding something in the store. I haven’t even gotten to that part of my training yet so I tell her I’m new and in training, and I can’t help her. I go back to my video thinking she’ll find someone else. That’s where I am wrong. 

She does find someone else, but not to help. She immediately seeks out the store manager and complains about me. They come back to find me together and the woman continues yelling about me to my manager in front of me. She goes on about my horrible customer service and how I am just standing there doing nothing, not helping anyone. 

My manager tells the woman she’ll deal with me later, helps her find her CDs, and checks her out. My manager does talk to me later in the back, but it’s to say that I should’ve helped the woman from the beginning.

That’s how I got yelled at and written up on my first day of work… for not knowing something I wasn’t yet taught.