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Time For A Change… Of Occupation

, , , , , | Working | November 13, 2020

I am an American returning home from studying in the UK. I have a layover in Philadelphia and I’m going through security. My carryon has been flagged for search after the scan and a TSA agent waves me over so he can search my bag. He rifles through it and can’t find anything, and it occurs to me it’s probably a little side pocket that I have been keeping my loose change in.

Me: “There’s a little pocket there on the side.” *Points*

Agent: “DON’T REACH OVER THE GLASS!”

Me: “Sorry…”

I point again, this time keeping my hand as far from the glass as possible. The agent ignores me as he continues to go through the other pockets.

Agent: “Where is it?!”

Me: “It’s right there! It’s just change.”

He finally pays enough attention to me to see the pocket and searches it to just find a handful of British pennies.

Agent: “Listen to me. YOU HAVE TO SPEND THESE!”

He handed me my messed up bag and sent me on my way. I was left wondering when carrying money became an offense or how I would spend £0.50 worth of pennies in an American airport.

Give Him A Week, Then He Might Get It

, , , , | Right | November 3, 2020

A customer calls in looking for a dumpster for tomorrow, Saturday.

Me: “Our first available delivery date is Monday. We service Monday through Friday only in your area.”

Customer: “Okay, so no tomorrow?” 

Me: “No, sir, Monday through Friday only.”

Customer: “Okay, so how about next Saturday?”

A Picture Tells A Mil Palabras

, , , , | Right | October 7, 2020

I work in customer service in a retail store that carries both English and Spanish versions of our catalog. We are temporarily out of the English catalogs, only having the Spanish ones available at the time.

Customer: “Do you have any English catalogs?”

Me: “Sorry, not at the moment. But we will be getting more in next week. Would you like a Spanish catalog in the meantime?”

Customer: *Agitated* “I don’t speak Spanish.”

Me: “Don’t worry; the pictures are in English.”

Customer: “Ah, okay.”

He took the catalog and moved on.

A Fine In Wolf’s Clothing

, , , , | Right | July 22, 2020

I am a clerk at a video rental store. One of my jobs is to follow up on late fees and charge them to the credit card on file. A known trouble-customer owes us over $200 and I finally get his card to charge. We also keep notes in the computer system for every customer. Sometimes we write funny observations about customers. This particular customer has “WOLF MAN” in his notes due to his copious amount of unkempt facial hair. He comes in to dispute the charge and is yelling at our manager.

Customer: “How the h*** do you even get $200 in late fees? It’s a ripoff!”

Manager: “Well, Mr. Wolfman, you didn’t even return three videos and—”

Customer: “THAT’S NOT EVEN MY NAME! You have the wrong account! I knew you stupid a**holes screwed up! Cancel the charge!”

The other clerks and I run to the back, about to lose it.

Manager: “Sorry, Mr. [Customer’s Real Name], my mistake. The charges are real. If you return the DVDs, we can waive the replacement fees, but you’ll still owe us $60 in late fees.”

Customer: “F****** scammers! I’m never f****** coming here again! F*** ALL OF YOU!”

He leaves the store.

Me: “Must be a full moon tonight!”

Maybe Just Stick To Chicken Jokes

, , , , , | Right | June 30, 2020

“Duck shoes” — leather upper, rubber sole — are popular. We only sell athletic shoes — Nike, Reebok, etc.

Girl: “Do you have duck shoes?”

Me: “No, their feet are too wide and we find it hard to fit them.”

Girl: “Okay.” *Walks away obliviously*