Bullet: Dodged

, , , , , , , , | Romantic | June 20, 2019

(In college, I go on a blind date with a friend of a friend. I have a bad feeling about it, but I brush it off and tell myself it’s just nerves. The night of the date, he is supposed to arrive at 6:00 pm. By 6:10, I start to wonder if I’ve been stood up. At 6:30, I call him.)

Date: “Hello?”

Me: “Um, hi, this is [My Name].”

Date: “Oh, hey! Look, yeah, I’m on my way. My mom was late getting home so I had to wait for her car.”

Me: “Oh, okay. I’ll meet you out front?”

Date: “Yeah, I’ll be there soon.”

(Another fifteen minutes go by and a minivan pulls up in front of my house. My date flips on the overhead light and beckons me to hop in.)

Date: “All right! Hi! Nice to meet you. Wow, you are gorgeous!”

Me: “Oh. Um, well, thank you. You… you look nice, too.”

Date: “So, I was thinking about [Fancy Sushi Restaurant].”

Me: “I love sushi! I’ve never been to [Fancy Sushi Restaurant], though.”

Date: “You’ll love it.”

(We arrive and are seated immediately. The waiter comes by and my date orders a bottle of wine — “the best you’ve got” — and we each order two rolls of sushi, 12 pieces each.)

Me: “So, you’re an art major.”

Date: “I dropped out. I don’t think I need a state-sanctioned education to understand art. You know?”

Me: “Art is subjective, anyway. Something that makes you laugh might scare the pants off someone else.”

Date: *dead stare* “No. Not like that at all.”

Me: “Oh.”

Date: “It’s fine; you don’t have to understand.”

(I get the feeling he’s patronizing me, and as the night goes on, the feeling gets stronger. I try to remain polite, but then this happens.)

Date: “I mean, seriously, a female manager is a joke. A man is going to talk to the customers because they’ll see him as an authority figure.”

Me: “I’ve seen plenty of authoritative female managers.”

Date: *laughs* “They’re not called ‘wo-managers’!”

Me: “Okay. Um, I think it’s time to go home.”

Date: “Aren’t you enjoying your night?”

Me: “I’d like to go home.”

Date: *sigh* “Fine.” *waves for the check*

(The check comes and he picks it up to examine the charges. Then, he puts it down and begins patting down his coat pockets.)

Date: “Oh, man. You’re not going to believe this.”

Me: “What?”

Date: “I don’t have my wallet. I think I left it at home.”

Me: “Are you serious?”

Date: “Yeah! Oh. Sorry.” *slides the check to me*

(I look at it and see that our four rolls of sushi and a bottle of wine are nearly $100! I try not to react but I’m in shock. I put down my card and we wait for the receipt.)

Me: “Wow. This place is fancy, huh?”

Date: “Yeah. The best of everything!”

Me: *tight smile* “Mmhmm.”

(We ride home in awkward silence. On the way, he pulls into a gas station, parks in a spot, and hops out. Confused, I sit there waiting. A few minutes later, he comes back out and pulls a new pack of cigarettes out of his pocket.)

Me: “Um… So… You found your wallet?”

Date: *lighting up* “Huh? Oh! Yeah, I guess so.”

Me: “So, where was it?”

Date: “In my coat pocket! Crazy, huh?”

Me: “Yeah. Crazy.”

(When we got back to my house, he leaned in for a kiss but I declined and jumped out. The next day, he sent me a text saying he didn’t think it would work out between us because I was just too uptight and he didn’t think I could carry on a stimulating conversation with him. What a loss.)

1 Thumbs

Can’t Explain Why Her Head’s Full Of Hot Air

, , , , , | Friendly | June 19, 2019

(I have just moved into a three-bedroom house with two other people. I am sitting on the couch in the living room when I notice [Roommate], whom I met in college, just going up and down the stairs. She can be a little eclectic at times, so I don’t pay it any mind. Our other roommate is my sister.)

Sister: “Hey, [Roommate], are you okay?”

Roommate: *obviously confused* “I think we need to call the landlord now.”

Sister: “What’s wrong?”

Roommate: “The AC doesn’t work; it’s hotter upstairs than down here.”

Me: “The air isn’t on.”

Sister: “Yeah, and all the windows upstairs are closed, and you know, heat rises.” *shrugs*

(I don’t remember the specific field, but [Roommate] has a degree in a science field.)

Roommate: “No, it doesn’t. What did your parents teach you? That’s so dumb that you believe that.”

(My sister tried to reason with her, I went back to my book, and she walked away confused by how “dumb” we are.)

1 Thumbs

General Ignorance Is Multiplying

, , , , , , , | Working | May 27, 2019

(I am checking out at a local grocery store. If you shop using reusable bags at this particular store, you get $0.03 off for each bag you use. The cashier has just finished ringing me up.)

Cashier: “Okay, how many reusable bags did you use today, sir?”

Me: “Nine.”

(She turns to her register and pauses for a moment, as if she is confused.)

Me: “The discount should be $0.27.”

(She looks at her register again, and then calls over a passing coworker.)

Cashier: “Hey, [Coworker], what’s nine times $0.03?”

Coworker: “$0.27.”

Cashier: “You sure?”

Me: “I’m pretty sure he’s right. The discount should be $0.27, like we both told you.”

(She gave me a skeptical look but proceeded to apply the discount regardless. It boggles my mind to think about how people are able to get jobs that involve a lot of mathematics when they cannot even demonstrate elementary-level multiplication.)

1 Thumbs

Unfiltered Story #151761

, , , | Unfiltered | May 24, 2019

I work as an interpreter, the following took place during a call I had to interpret for a big hospital….

Rep: I will be glad to assist you. What is the patient’s last name?
Caller: I had to travel from Spain to try and fix this problem, blah, blah, blah
Rep: Sir, In order to assist you, I need the patient’s last name
Caller: 1/1/11 Pendejo Flores
Rep: Now,sir..how can we help you?
Caller: I have been trying to make an appointment for my dad and no one returns the call and no one answers the phone and I had to travel 5,700 km and pay $1,800 for this ticket to try and make this appointment
Rep: Sir, which department does your father needs the appointment for?
Caller: Surgery?
Rep: What type of surgery?
Caller: I don’t know
Rep: Is it orthopedic surgery? You have called the orthopedics department
Caller: I don’t know
Rep: Your father was instructed to come back to this clinic as needed, I don’t see a surgery referral
Caller: OMG, what is wrong with you people?! Are you smoking or what? *starts to retell the story about traveling from Spain*
This *&^% went on for TWENTY THREE MINUTES until we had to transfer him to the number on his referral.

Unfiltered Story #151034

, , , | Unfiltered | May 17, 2019

(I am going through security at 4 am. I brought a bottle of water to drink during the car ride with the intention of throwing it out once I got to the airport. When I get through the scanner, I remember the water that wasn’t thrown out and notice that one of my bags has been pulled by an agent for further inspection.)

Me: “That’s my bag.”
Agent: “Oh, it’s yours?”
Me: “Yes, and it has a small bottle of water in it that I forgot to toss. That’s probably what set it off.”
Agent: *searches my bag, pulls out the water, rescans it and sends me on my way*
Me: “I can’t believe I did that.”