(My sister and I both love the musical “1776,” so when we take a family trip to Philadelphia, we immediately declare we’re going to sing “But Mr. Adams” in Independence Hall. Our mother puts her foot down, saying she doesn’t want to bring bail money. However, when we go to Independence Hall, we see the area where “But Mr. Adams” was set…)

Me: *under my breath* “Mr. Adams, I say you should write it. To your legal mind and brilliance we defer.”

Sister: *under her breath* “Is that so? Well, if I’m the one to do it, they’ll run their quill pens through it. I’m obnoxious and disliked; you know that, sir. But I say you should write it, Franklin. Yes, you. You–”

Me: “But—”

Sister: “You–”

Me: “But–”

Sister: “You–”

Me: “Buuuuut–”

(At this point, we throw caution to the wind, and proceed to belt “But Mr. Adams” at the top of our lungs while reenacting as much choreography as we can. By the time we end, our dad looks bemused, our mother is face-palming, and a tour guide looks impressed.)

Guide: “You know, I think that’s the first time anyone’s known the whole song. Most people just hum a few bars and call it good.”

(I work in a crafting store. It’s almost closing time. The phone rings.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [Store]. My name is [My Name]; how may I direct your call?”

Customer: “I am looking for rainbows and unicorns.”

Me: “Are you looking for stickers or other scrapbook supplies?

Customer: “No, rainbows like the ones that are in the clouds.” *I hear some laughing in the background and realise I am being pranked* “I called yesterday and [Common Name] said there was a shipment today with them.”

Me: “Maybe you should try [Other Craft Store]. We don’t carry those items. Plus, there is no one that works here with that name, and I personally unpack shipments Thursday morning, not today.”

(The caller hangs up and I get a call back ten minutes later.)

Customer: “I would like some rainbows and unicorns; the lady I called earlier said they came in.”

Me: “Miss, we don’t sell live animals or rainbows.” *again, children laughing*

Customer: “I demand the manager.”

(I transferred the call. The manager picked up the line and the caller asked for stickers instead of mythical livestock. When he asked for a name to put the stickers on hold, the girl hung up. We still don’t know what they wanted.)

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(I am getting a customer her change. One of the dollar bills I hand her has a small rip in the corner, but I don’t think it’s a big deal. I give her the money, and she just stares at it.)

Me: “Is something wrong?”

Customer: “Does this have a rip in it?”

Me: “Uh… I think it had a small tear–“

Customer: “Oh, no. I can’t accept that. [Store] makes so much money. They can stand to have some ripped up dollars; I can’t. [Store] just makes so much money.”

Me: “Would you like me to get you a different dollar?”

Customer: “Yes. [Store] makes a lot of money. They can keep this one.”

(I am at the dentist’s for a general cleaning, with a hygienist I haven’t been with before. Things are going normally until this happens.)

Hygienist: “Oh, wow. Wow. This is really unusual.”

Me: “Is… Is something wrong?”

Hygienist: “Let me get the dentist. I have never seen this before.”

(By now, I am panicking in the chair a little. The hygienist leaves, then comes back with the dentist, and they both look into my mouth.)

Hygienist: “Look at her uvula. Isn’t it a weird shape? I’ve never seen that before.”

Dentist: “It just has a bit of an indent in the middle.”

Hygienist: “Her uvula looks so weird. I’ve never seen that before.”

Dentist: “All right, [Hygienist], you can go now. I can finish up this cleaning.”

(The dentist told me it was nothing to worry about and barely noticeable, then finished the cleaning without issue. No dentist or hygienist had ever told me I had a weird uvula before.)

(This happens on my birthday when I am at the mall with my best friend, who is a professional makeup artist. We decide to stop a well-known makeup store because I need new foundation and concealer. I also want to try to a new bronzer, and I want my friend’s advice on which shades to choose based on my skin tone. Neither of us have any makeup on, and as soon as we walk into the store, a nearby associate looks us up and down before walking up to us.)

Sales Associate: “Do you girls need help finding anything?”

Me: “Oh, no, thank you! We’re just looking around!”

(The sales associate walks back to the front of the store, and as we walk over to find the foundation, concealer, and bronzer I want to try, I hear the associate whisper to another associate to keep an eye on us because we look suspicious. When we finally find what we are looking for, we notice that the color we need in foundation isn’t on the shelf, so we go over to the group of sales associates, who are chatting in a circle.)

Me: *smiling* “Could someone please help us?”

(The sales associates ignore me and continue their conversation as if they never heard us, so my friend decides to try to get their attention.)

Friend: “Hi. Could someone please check to see if there is a product on the shelf?”

(Finally, after a couple of minutes of these sales associates ignoring us, one finally looks at us and sighs, then breaks away from the group.)

Sales Associate: *very rudely* “What do you ladies need?”

Me: “I was wondering if you could help us; there’s no [Expensive Brand] in the color ‘light’ on the shelves. We were wondering if you could check in the back to see if you had it?”

Sales Associate: “I’m sorry, but if it’s not on the shelf it’s not in the back; we’re out. And besides, that shade is not your color.”

Me: *politely* “I don’t mind if it’s not in my color. Could you still check to make sure?

Sales Associate: “I guess, but I’m telling you: it’s not back there.”

(She looks me up and down before leaving and we stand there for ten minutes waiting for her. When she doesn’t return, we decide to look around, and a couple of minutes later, the sales associate finally walks up to us with the product we want in her hand.)

Sales Associate: “This is our last one. Are you sure you ladies can even afford these products?”

(We stand there in shock, looking at her and not knowing what to say. The associate smirks at us and hands us the foundation, then walks off. Part of me wants to put the product back and walk out without giving them my business, but the other part of me really wants to buy it, since it’s the last one there, so we go to the register. To our luck, we get the same rude associate who helped us on the floor. I silently put the things on the counter and she looks at us in disbelief.)

Sales Associate: “There is no way you’re getting these.”

Me: “Yes, I am. I would like to purchase these, please.”

Sales Associate: “You both know nothing about makeup; these aren’t your shade. You’re too poor to afford these.”

Friend: “I am a professional makeup artist and have been working in the makeup industry for thirty years, so I obviously have more experience than you. Just because we’re not wearing makeup doesn’t mean we can’t afford these items or don’t know anything about it.”

Sales Associate: “I highly doubt that; you’re not buying these items.”

(I am tired of this associate’s attitude, so I finally ask to speak to a manager, and the associate smirks and picks up the phone.)

Sales Associate: *very rudely* “I am sorry to bother you with another problem, but these two customers are complaining and want to speak to you.”

(The manager comes out and we explain the situation, the poor service the associate has been giving us, and how she is refusing to let us buy the products we want because she doesn’t think we can afford them. The manager makes the associate ring us out while she watches. The total of everything we purchase together is over $400, and when she sees us pull out the exact amount in cash, the sales associate’s attitude changes from rude to friendly.)

Sales Associate: *smiling* “I am so sorry for the misunderstanding. Here’s your change. Please come back to shop with us soon!”

Me: *smiling* “I won’t be coming back. You should probably learn how to be more polite towards customers instead of judging them based on whether or not they have makeup on.”