(I’m working the Sunday shift on my own at the counter, when three young boys in their teens walk in.)

Me: “Good morning, how can I help you today?”

Customer #1: “We’re looking for some salvia.”

Me: “Excuse me… what? Could you repeat that?”

Customer #1: “Salvia.”

Me: *having never heard of this* “I… I’m not sure…”

Customer #2: “SALVIA, you dumb b****! SAL-VEEEE-AAAA!”

Me: “What is it used for?”

Customer #1: *sighs* “I thought you were meant to know all about this stuff? It’s a drug, to get you high, like weed or heroin and stuff.”

Me: “…”

Customer #2: “It’s legal. They haven’t banned it yet!”

Me: “We… we don’t sell recreational drugs here.”

Customer #3: “Well, then, where the h*** are we meant to get it?”

Me: “You could try your local dealer…”

(To this day I still don’t know what possessed them into thinking that a pharmacy would sell recreational drugs!)

(I go to a podiatrist because I have a fungal infection, and he wrote me a prescription for some pills and says that he will send it to the pharmacy. I go to the pharmacy for the medicine.)

Me: “Hello, I’m here to pick up this prescription?”

Clerk: “Okay.”

Me: “Here it is.”

(I hand what the doctor gave me over. It has the pharmacy name and address, and the doctor’s name and address. She frowns and squints at it, looks at the computer, and frowns again.)

Clerk: “This is your doctor?”

Me: “Yes, Dr. [Name].”

Clerk: “Okay…”

(She gives me a narrow-eyed suspicious look and leaves. I figure that she went to give it to the pharmacist to fill. I wait a minute, and then ask again.)

Me: “Hello, I’m trying to pick up my prescription?”

Same Clerk: “Name?”

Me: “Name.”

(She goes and gets it, but doesn’t hand it over.)

Same Clerk: “ID?”

Me: *gives it*

Same Clerk: “Address?”

Me: *gives it*

Same Clerk: *scowls suspiciously, frowning at computer*

(At this point, I’m getting annoyed. It’s been over 15 minutes.)

Me: “It’s me! That’s my prescription!”

Same Clerk: “Well… okaaay.”

(She hands it over, along with my ID, still unsure. Not all of us are drug abusers, lady.)

Me: “Ma’am, your copay for your prescription is five cents.”

Customer: “You selfish little c***! My copay should be zero! Does it look like I have that kind of money on me!?”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s a nickel. I think you can find one in the cup holder of your car. I’m sorry, but I can’t sell you your prescription without it being paid for.”

Customer: “Well f*** you and this f****** store! I’m calling your management!”

(Two hours later.)

Boss: “We had a complaint about you today. Care to explain?”

Me: “She couldn’t pay for her five cent prescription.”

Boss: *rolling eyes* “Go home.”

(I am a pharmacy student currently working as a technician at a local pharmacy. A patient who is on a blood-pressure lowering medication is now starting a new lowered dose.)

Me: “Hi, Mr. [Patient]. I just wanted to make sure that you’re aware the doctor is changing the dose for your medication?”

Patient: “Yup, I was getting lightheaded and passing out from the medication.”

Me: “Oh, that’s unfortunate. Well, hopefully this new dose works out better for you!”

Patient: “Yeah, so I was on top of my wife and then suddenly I blacked out and I fell on top of her, and it just really killed the mood, y’know? After that, the moment was just over…”

(I work at a pharmacy as a cashier. The pharmacist on duty has been working here for years and knows all of our regulars. A customer has a question for him so I forward it over to him without much of a thought.)

Pharmacist: “All right, we’ll try that. Cross your fingers and toes!” *pause* “Okay, it worked. Have a good day!”

(He hangs up the phone and bursts out laughing.)

Pharmacist: “Well, I feel like an a** right now.”

Me: “What happened?”

Pharmacist: “Mrs. [Name]? The one I just got off the phone with? I told her to cross her fingers and toes and she doesn’t have legs.”