Super Absorbent For Those Mentally Heavy Days

, , , | Right | April 23, 2009

(An elderly man calls up to the store.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pharmacy]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, my granddaughter came to visit me, and she bought me a birthday gift. It’s on the kitchen table, but I’m not sure what it is.”

Me: “Okay, well, what can you tell me about the product?”

Customer: “Well, the box says ‘K-O-T-E-X’. Can you tell me what that is, honey? What it’s used for? I just can’t figure it out.”

Me: Well, sir… that’s a feminine hygiene product.”

Customer: “Feminine hygiene? What’s the product for? I just can’t figure it out.”

Me: “Sir… it’s for women on their period.”

Customer: “Why would my granddaughter buy me Kotex?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir. Maybe you should ask her that.”

Customer: “So can I still use them to stir my Kool-Aid with? Because that’s what I’ve been using them for.”

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Yeah, Definitely Contraindicated

, , , | Right | April 21, 2009

(A patient walks up to the pick-up window looking like he just came from the emergency room.)

Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I wanna drop this off…” *hands me an ER prescription*

Me: “Sir, this is the pick-up window. You need to drop off the prescription at the drop off window.”

Customer: “Where’s that?”

Me: “The counter at the entrance to the room with the big sign that says “Drop Off Window’.”

Customer: “Where?”

Me: “You know, you already waited in line so I’ll just take the prescription here. Have you ever had any medication here before?”

Customer: “I don’t know; have I?”

Me: “I’ll take that as a no. Do you have any allergies to medication?”

Customer: “Well, when I mix heroin and battery acid, I get a rash.”

Me: “…I’ll make a note on that.”

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Bilingual Secret Shame

| Right | April 20, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, what are diaper couches?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Diaper couches.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sure what you mean.”

Customer: *points to the boxes of diapers* “That box! It says ‘diaper couches’.”

Me: *suddenly understanding* “Ma’am, that box says diapers, and then it says ‘couches’. That’s the French word for diapers.”

Customer: *looks around, then whispers* “Don’t tell anyone!” *leaves*

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Rip Van Winkle To The Extreme

, | Right | April 2, 2009

Customer: “Hi, I have a rather simple question to ask you.”

Me: “Sure thing. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “Hypothetically speaking, if I wanted to make someone sleep for a really long time, what would I use?”

Me: “Um, just how long are you talking?”

Customer: “Well, I was thinking somewhere around forever.”

Me: “…”

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MacGyver Becomes a Dad

, , , | Right | March 26, 2009

(A man is picking up a prescription for his infant child.)

Customer: “How much did you say the prescription was?”

Me: “$49.99.”

Customer: “What’s the difference between this and what I can get over the counter?”

Me: “There’s no cough medicine you can give your eight-month-old, sir, other than this.”

Customer: “Well, what’s in it?”

(He picks up the prescription papers and starts rustling through them.)

Customer: “If I can buy everything that’s in it over the counter, I’ll just make it myself.”

Me: “…excuse me?”

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