(I’m picking up a prescription along with a couple of purchases.)

Cashier: “Here you are, sir. Also, would you be interested in our pregnancy tests?”

Me: “Uh, I’m male, so, no.”

Cashier: “Perhaps for your girlfriend?”

Me: “No?”

Cashier: “Come on, now. A strapping young man like yourself? It’s always good to be safe.”

Me: “I’m really not interested. I doubt a pregnancy test would even be effective with me. A condom sounds more reliable.”

Cashier: “Ah, but they can fail!”

Me: “It’s still a no.”

Cashier: *suddenly furious* “WELL, WHY NOT?”

Me: “Because I think it’s doubtful my boyfriend will come up to me and say he might be pregnant.”

Cashier: *pauses* “Oh, well, you didn’t have to be so rude!”

(After I paid and before the receipt printed, the cashier just walked away. The kicker: I go there every year for gay sexual health checkups. He actually knows my boyfriend and me well, and he has always known that I’m gay.)

(We have a giant inflatable ghost on display for Halloween. It doesn’t quite sit right and tends to lean to the side, so we frequently adjust it.)

Coworker: “[My name]! The ghost is falling again.”

Me: “Okay…”

(We spend about five minutes fiddling with it, until we get it to sit up right.)

Coworker: “Oh, no. His ascot got flipped backwards.”

(We proceed to grab boxes and stick-like things, trying to flip the ascot back around to no avail.)

Me: “OH! I’ve got it!”

(I run away with no explanation and return with a toy extendable lightsaber. I make the “vwing” noise and I flick it and extend the lightsaber. I succeed in straightening the ghost’s tie on the first attempt.)

Coworker: “…You just fixed the ascot of an inflatable ghost with a lightsaber.”

Me: “I love this job.”

(We have just switched to my husband’s insurance. He provides our information to HR, and it’s HR that actually provides it to the insurance company. I have a monthly-renewing prescription for birth control and this is the first time trying to pick it up under the new insurance.)

Me: “Hi, I’m [My Name] here to pick up a prescription.”

Pharmacist: *looks at computer* “Okay. Can I get you to verify the address for me?”

Me: “It’s [address].”

Pharmacist: “Um… I’ll go ahead and give it to you today, since I see you all the time, but you need to contact your insurance, ASAP. They listed your date of birth as [correct month and day], 2016.”

(I have no idea how his HR managed to list me as his spouse at less than one year old.)

(I work in a pharmacy as an intern, and on the weekends, we only have one pharmacist on duty. It is company policy that employees have to take their unpaid lunch by the fifth hour on the clock. This happens when our pharmacist is out to lunch.)

Tech: “Hello there. Are you picking up or dropping off?”

Patient: “Picking up.”

Tech: “I’m sorry, but our pharmacist is on lunch. We can’t sell any prescriptions without a pharmacist here.”

Patient: “Why the h*** not?!”

Tech: “I’m sorry, but it is against the law for us to do that.”

Patient: “Just give it to me! I drove all the way here!”

Tech: “I can’t; it’s against the law, and we have to have a pharmacist here.”

Patient: “There should always be a pharmacist here; it’s a pharmacy! Why the h*** aren’t they here?!”

Tech: “She’s on her lunch right now. She’ll be back at 1:30, but I can’t do anything until then.”

Patient: “I want to talk to a manager!”

Tech: *calls manager*

Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we can’t do anything until the pharmacist comes back from lunch. She has to take her lunch, too.”

Patient: “I’m complaining to corporate. What is their number? This is ridiculous!”

Manager: “It’s [number].”

(The patient storms off as the manager just shrugs.)

Manager: “Call all you want. What are they gonna do? Fire me for following the law?”

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to fill this prescription, please.”

Me: “Very well, I’ll need your birthdate.”

Customer: “[Birthdate]. Hurry up, please.”

Me: “Any known allergies?”

Customer: “What? No! Look, it’s not my first time taking these pills. Just give it to me.”

Me: *taken aback* “Okay, sir, you may go in the waiting room.”

(A few minutes later the pharmacist explains the treatment to the customer.)

Pharmacist: “So, those pills are penicillin combined with another antibiotic—”

Customer: “Penicillin? What? I can’t take this! I’m deathly allergic to penicillin!”