Noah Already Had Two Customers On The Ark

| | Right | October 26, 2009

(Note: much of our area is suffering from massive flooding. A man walks into our chain pharmacy, completely drenched from the chest down.)

Me: “Wow, what happened to you?”

Customer: “I tried to go to your other location and it was closed!”

Me: “That location is flooded, sir. There’s about four feet of water surrounding it.”

Customer: “I know! I had to wade all the way up to the door before I found out it was closed! How do you think I got so wet?”

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Not A Case Of If, But When…

, , , , | | Right | August 20, 2009

(While waiting in line, I overhear a conversation between a teenager and a police officer, both of whom are also waiting. The boy has red plastic cups and ping pong balls in hand.)

Officer: “Can I ask what those are for?”

Teenage Customer: “No, no questions.”

Officer: “Where’s the party?”

Teenage Customer: “No parties.”

(The kid checks out, and as he’s walking out the door yells “SODA PONG!” and flicks his wrist.)

Officer: *to me* “Yeah, I’ll get the call in a couple of hours.”

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Hard Drugs And Harder Pharmacists

, , , , , , | | Right | July 31, 2009

(A teen approaches my cash register very slowly.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Give me all the f****** medicine!”

(The teen pulls out an airsoft pistol with orange tip still glued to the front.)

Me: “The pharmacy is in the back of the store.”

Customer: “Oh… okay.”

(He holsters the airsoft gun in his belt and darts down the aisles to the back of the store. My manager comes out of the back room because of the commotion.)

Manager: “Who was that?”

Me: “Some kid looking for drugs. He went back to the pharmacy.”

Manager: “Why didn’t you call the police?”

(The teen runs screaming from the back of the store, out of the front door, followed closely by the pharmacy technician, a 35-year-old boxer built like a fridge.)

Me: “Doug started working today.”

There’s No Pills Like Home

, , | | Right | July 17, 2009

(A patient called in to inquire about the medication she had just picked up.)

Me: *on the phone* “Pharmacy.”

Patient: “Hi, I just picked up this medication, and I think I may have a problem.”

Me: “Is there something incorrect with how it was filled?”

Patient: “No, it’s just that the cream here says to apply locally, and I’m going out of town tonight. I was wondering if I could still use it.”

Me: “Um… yes, yes you can.”

Patient: “Oh, okay good… oh… oh God. I just realized… oh my God, just forget I asked! How stupid of me!”

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On The Bright Side, There Are Worse Orifices

, | | Healthy Right | July 15, 2009

Me: “[Pharmacy], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, your medicine is defective.”

Me: “Sir, why don’t I get your information so I can take a look at your profile.”

Customer: *gives his name and date of birth*

Me: “I see that the last prescriptions you filled were antibiotic and drops for your ear infection. Are your symptoms still bothering you?”

Customer: “Yes, and how the h*** do you expect me to fit this giant pill in my ear?”

Me: “Sir, that’s an antibiotic tablet. It’s meant to be taken orally.”

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