Paging Charlotte On Aisle 5

| NJ, USA | Pets & Animals, Wild & Unruly

(I am at the cashier, ringing up a long line of people. I notice when customers walk in, they suddenly skirt around the theft detectors. A lady approaches the counter.)

Lady: “There is a big spider in the entrance!”

(Note: I don’t want to leave the counter because of the enormous line.)

Me: “Okay, cool.”

Lady: “You have to kill it. You work here.”

Me: “It’s not hurting anyone.”

(The lady’s husband chimes in.)

Husband: “Kill it, she’s right!”

(Everyone in the line seems to agree with the lady and her husband.)

Me: “Okay, I’ll just move it outside.”

Husband: “No, kill it!”

Me: “No, it wont do any harm out there in the parking lot.”

(I move the spider outside.)

Lady: “I can’t take it anymore!”

Me: “Can’t take what?”

(Suddenly, the lady grabs a basket made for carrying products outside and finds the spider. She starts violently smashing the red basket on the spider.)

Lady: “Why is it not dying?!”

(It turns out the basket has little legs on the bottom, preventing it from making contact with the spider. She eventually figures this out and kills it, but not before it charges her one last time and causes her to flip out!)

Kids Will Send Any Parent To The Funny Pharm

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Health & Body

(I am taking a refill order over the phone.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [pharmacy]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I need to refill a couple of prescriptions. This one I have the number for.”

(She proceeds to give me the number, and while I am running the prescription through her insurance I hear some kids playing in the background.)

Me: “Okay, so that one went through just fine. What is the next one?”

Customer: “I don’t have the number, but can you look it up for me? It’s my birth control.”

(I look in the customer’s file and sure enough it’s there. But while I am running it, the playing in the background has turned into a serious screaming and fighting match.)

Customer: *embarrassed* “And this is why I am refilling the birth control. Can’t you tell?”

Super-flu-ous Advice

| AB, Canada | Bizarre, Health & Body

(It’s currently flu season, and we are offering flu shots.)

Me: “Alright, sir. We got you all set. Have you gotten your flu shot yet?”

Customer: “Ah, no. I don’t get a flu shot. I don’t get the flu, sweetie.”

Me: “Wow, you must be lucky.”

Customer: “You want to know my secret, dear?”

Me: “What’s your secret, sir?”

Customer: *leans in close* “You see now, chickens, cows, pigs: they get the flu. So, if you don’t eat them, you don’t get the flu! You remember that now!”

Me: “Um, okay, sir. I will. Have a nice day.”