That’s One For The Books

| AB, Canada | Working | May 23, 2016

Me: “Can I get a book of stamps, please?”

(The clerk opens the drawer under the counter where they keep the stamps. She takes out a book of stamps…and another…and another…and another until every book of stamps in the drawer is on the counter.)

Clerk: “These are all we have. Is this enough for a whole book?”

Maybe You Didn’t Say What You Thought You Said

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Right | May 17, 2016

(We have a lot of multicultural customers come into our store and as I love languages I like to ask about their accents and learn a phrase or two if I can. A young woman and her elderly mother have been talking in another language before coming to my register.)

Me: “Hi there, did you find everything okay? And do you mind me asking what language that was?”

Daughter: “It’s a dialect of Italian.”

Me: “How would I say ‘have a nice day’?”

Mother: “Fi una bella giornata.”

(As I hand them their purchases.)

Me: “Well, then, fi una bella giornata!”

Daughter: “Very good!”

(The mother then says something in Italian before slapping me in the rear.)

Mother: “Maybe I find you boyfriend!”

Could Have Survived That Better

| Tampa, FL, USA | Working | April 30, 2016

(I work with a small mom and pop pharmacy for several years. Due to budget cuts it is necessary to layoff an employee. After discussing our options the owner decides to fire a technician who, though friendly, is relatively lazy. This is when Survivor first debuted.)

Boss: “So, [Coworker], you’ve been voted off the island.”

Coworker: “…”

Me: “…”

Doesn’t Have The Drive To Study Geography

| WV, USA | Right | April 21, 2016

(As I ring up a customer’s purchases, she gets chatty.)

Customer: “My neighbor is from Puerto Rico.”

Me: “That’s neat!”

Customer: “Yeah. Have you ever been to Puerto Rico?”

Me: “No, I haven’t. It would be nice to visit, though.”

Customer: “I think I’m going to try to go with them to visit sometime.”

Me: “That sounds fun.”

Customer: “How long do you think it takes to drive to Puerto Rico?”

Me: *thinking she’s kidding* “Oh, about as long as it takes to invent a floating car.”

Customer: “Oh. So, like, a long time?”

Me: “Yeah…”

Understands The Condom Minimum

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Right | April 21, 2016

(Working in a busy pharmacy, a teenage boy and his girlfriend came up to the counter.)

Boy: “I’m looking for the condoms.” *smiling at his girlfriend, she’s looking embarrassed*

Me: “Aisle 10, right hand side.”

Boy: “Yeah, but you see, I need some extra-large condoms. The regular ones are way too small for me.” *smirking at his girlfriend*

Me: “Seriously?”

(I stand back, heave my leg up on the counter and point to it.)

Me: “See this ankle? I recently broke it, and had a cast on. I used regular-sized condoms on it to waterproof it when I had showers. If your penis is larger than this—” *pointing to my leg still up on the counter* “—then I seriously suggest you keep it away from her—” *pointing to girlfriend* “—as it’s going to do some serious damage!”

(Both boy and girlfriend walked away without saying another word.)

1 Thumbs
1,454
VOTES
Page 13/57First...1112131415...Last
« Previous
Next »