(This took place a few years ago when Mum and I were at a pharmacy. We are stocking up on some over-the-counter medications and witness this gem of a conversation between the busy pharmacist and another customer:)
Customer: *in a low voice, clearly embarrassed* “I, umm… need some medicine for the toilet.”
Pharmacist: “For diarrhea or constipation?”
Customer: *with a confused look on his face* “What does that mean?”
Pharmacist: “You wanna make it stop or make it go?”
Customer: “Hey, do you guys sell drug tests?”
Me: “Yes! I’ll show you where they are.”
(I show him where the drug tests are, and he comes up to the pharmacy counter to pay for it.)
Customer: “Do you have a cup I could use?”
Me: “…Sure. Let me go get one.”
(I go grab one of the paper cups the pharmacy staff uses.)
Me: “Here you go!”
Customer: “Thanks! Where’s your bathroom?”
(I tell him where the restrooms out in the store are and he goes on his way. Several minutes later he walks back up to the counter and puts his cup on the counter.)
Customer: “So do I just stick the test in here?”
(I look in his cup. Yep. It’s full of pee.)
Me: “Yes.”
Customer: “Okay! Thanks!”
(Customer walked away. I frantically disinfected myself and the entire counter.)
(I am calling my pharmacy regarding a mail order sent to me at college. It is routed through a call center rather than a local pharmacy.)
Employee: “May I please have the name the prescription is under?”
Me: “Gregory [Last Name].”
Employee: “I’m sorry, I’m not seeing that. Is there another name it might be under?”
Me: “Try ‘Greg’ instead of ‘Gregory.’ My doctor might have used that.”
Employee: “Is that Greg with one ‘G’ or two?”
Me: “One.”
Employee: “I’m still not seeing that in our system.”
Me: “You’re spelling my last name [spelling], correct?”
Employee: “Yes.”
Me: “And you’re spelling ‘Greg’ as G-R-E-G?”
Employee: “No, sir, we are spelling it with one ‘G.'”
Me: “That’s correct. There is only one ‘G’ at the end, not two.”
Employee: “So the ‘G’ is at the end, not the beginning?”
Me: “No, there’s one ‘G’ at the beginning and one G at the end.”
Employee: “So then there are two ‘G’s?”
Me: *giving up* “Yes, I suppose so.”
(My sister is a pharmacist. This happens to her boss while on duty. The phone rings at the beginning of the afternoon.)
Boss: “[Pharmacy], how may I help you?”
Child: “Do you have any thermometers?”
Boss: “Yes, we do sell some.”
Child: “WELL, YOU CAN STICK THEM UP YOUR A**! *hangs up*
(Her boss laughs at the prank call and tells her, and thinks nothing of it. Two hours later, the phone rings, and he’s the one answering it again.)
Boss: “[Pharmacy], how may I help you?”
Caller: “Oh, hello. So you’re a pharmacy?”
Boss: “Yes, we are [Pharmacy] from [Place]. How may I help you?”
Caller: “Well, sorry to disturb you. I just went back home from work and forgot my cellphone at home. I just noticed my son used it to call this number, and I thought I called back to know who you were.”
Boss: “No problem, sir.”
Caller: “I apologize for the inconvenience, I will teach my son a lesson he will not forget.”
Boss: “Oh, no, no, no ! No need for it!”
Caller: “Why? He used my phone and bothered you while you were busy!”
Boss: “No, we just opened. We had no customers yet, and it wasn’t a problem at all. It was a short call. Nothing happened!”
Caller: *angrily* “What did he tell you?”
Boss: “Oh, it was just a small prank call.”
Caller: “OH, MY GOD, THAT LITTLE S***! And I just offered to buy him a video game! I’ll take it back; he doesn’t deserve it.”
Boss: “No, wait, no! I told you, don’t worry. It was nothing!”
Caller: “Yes, it was! I must teach him some people are working and that he f***ing needs to grow up!”
Boss: “But it was just a fun joke, you know? Nothing to worry about.”
Caller: “What did he tell you?”
Boss: “Well, er… He only asked if we had thermometers…”
Caller: “And…?”
Boss: “And… well… he said I could stick them up my a**.”
Caller: “WELL, I THINK IT’S ABOUT TIME YOU PULL THEM OUT NOW!” *hangs up*
(Her boss burst into laughter and told the whole staff about it. Whoever this was, it put them in a good mood for the rest of the day!)
(I’m trying to change to a pharmacy that’s closer to my place. I go up to the closest desk. It looks like they’ve just hired some new staff.)
Me: “Hi. I need to pick up my prescription, but I usually get it at a different place. Can I get it done here instead?”
Woman: “Over at the other desk. You’ll need to give them your information.”
Me: “Okay…”
(I go over to the other desk, only to be ignored by the trainees. The pharmacist tells one of them to help me. The same woman walks over.)
Woman: “So, I need your last name and first name.”
Me: “It’s [spelled out Last Name] and [spelled out First Name].”
Woman: “Oh, wait, I’m not in the system! Help!”
(She gets help getting in, and then gets my information again.)
Woman: “So, your first name is C-A-S-E-N-D-R-A?”
Me: “No. C-A-S-S-A-N-D-R-A.”
Woman: “….No ‘E’, two ‘S’?”
Me: “Yes.”
Woman: “And your address?”
Me: “[1-2-3-4] N-O-”
Woman: “Wait! Too fast! [1-2-2-3]?”
Me: *starting to doubt this place* “[1-2-3-4) N-O-”
Woman: “‘N’ as in Norma?”
Me: “…Yes. [Rest of address].”
Woman: “Phone number?”
Me: “YYY-ZZZ-AAAA”
Woman: “It’s not showing up.”
Me: *thinking I gave the wrong number* “What about YYY-WWW-AAAA?”
Woman: “No… Help!”
(The pharmacist comes over and clicks a button.)
Woman: “Phone number?”
Me: *looking up number to be sure* “YYY-ZZZ-AAAA.”
Woman: “Hey, it worked! And the location to transfer from?”
Me: “It’s [Location].”
Woman: “Oh, I don’t know that one… Wait, is it in [same location, different name]?”
Me: “Yes.”
Woman: “And the medication?”
Me: “It’s [Medication].”
Woman: *blank look*
Me: “…It’s a birth control pill.”
Woman: “OH! Oh, yes, that!”
Me: “When can I get it?”
Woman: “What?”
Me: “I usually get it in three month packs. I’m on my last month. When can I get it?”
Woman: “Well, we need to call it in…. You get it as three month doses?”
Me: “Yeah. I just opened my last pack. I need another three months worth. When can I get it?”
Woman: “Try… later.”
Me: “Thanks.”
(Here’s hoping I get it!)
