Hard Drugs And Harder Pharmacists

, , , , , | Right | July 31, 2009

(A teen approaches my cash register very slowly.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Give me all the f****** medicine!”

(The teen pulls out an airsoft pistol with orange tip still glued to the front.)

Me: “The pharmacy is in the back of the store.”

Customer: “Oh… okay.”

(He holsters the airsoft gun in his belt and darts down the aisles to the back of the store. My manager comes out of the back room because of the commotion.)

Manager: “Who was that?”

Me: “Some kid looking for drugs. He went back to the pharmacy.”

Manager: “Why didn’t you call the police?”

(The teen runs screaming from the back of the store, out of the front door, followed closely by the pharmacy technician, a 35-year-old boxer built like a fridge.)

Me: “Doug started working today.”

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There’s No Pills Like Home

, , | Right | July 17, 2009

(A patient called in to inquire about the medication she has just picked up.)

Me: *on the phone* “Pharmacy.”

Patient: “Hi, I just picked up this medication, and I think I may have a problem.”

Me: “Is there something incorrect with how it was filled?”

Patient: “No, it’s just that the cream here says to apply locally, and I’m going out of town tonight. I was wondering if I could still use it.”

Me: “Um… yes. Yes, you can.”

Patient: “Oh, okay, good… Oh… Oh, God. I just realized… Oh, my God, just forget I asked! How stupid of me!”

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On The Bright Side, There Are Worse Orifices

, , | Healthy Right | July 15, 2009

Me: “[Pharmacy], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, your medicine is defective.”

Me: “Sir, why don’t I get your information so I can take a look at your profile.”

Customer: *gives his name and date of birth*

Me: “I see that the last prescriptions you filled were antibiotic and drops for your ear infection. Are your symptoms still bothering you?”

Customer: “Yes, and how the h*** do you expect me to fit this giant pill in my ear?”

Me: “Sir, that’s an antibiotic tablet. It’s meant to be taken orally.”

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TMI Mom Tries To Help

| Right | July 6, 2009

(A forty-something year old woman comes to the counter with her purchases. Amongst them is a box of condoms, which have security stickers on them. Before I scan the item, I swipe it a few times over the scanner to deactivate it.)

Customer: “Is it not scanning?”

Me: “No, I’m just deactivating the security sticker. I don’t want you to set off the alarm on the way out. Especially over condoms!”

Customer: “Oh I’m not embarrassed! They’re not for me, they’re for my son. I can’t even get an erection!”

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Script Stupidity

, , | Right | May 28, 2009

Customer: *holds up two bottles* “What’s the difference between these two medicines?”

Me: “The one on the left is a capsule; the one on the right is a tablet.”

Customer: “I mean, which one would be better?”

Me: “They’re exactly the same medicine, just in different forms. Most people buy whichever one is easier for them to swallow.”

Customer: “That’s just stupid! How can you swallow a bottle?”

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