(As I ring up a customer’s purchases, she gets chatty.)
Customer: “My neighbor is from Puerto Rico.”
Me: “That’s neat!”
Customer: “Yeah. Have you ever been to Puerto Rico?”
Me: “No, I haven’t. It would be nice to visit, though.”
Customer: “I think I’m going to try to go with them to visit sometime.”
Me: “That sounds fun.”
Customer: “How long do you think it takes to drive to Puerto Rico?”
Me: *thinking she’s kidding* “Oh, about as long as it takes to invent a floating car.”
Customer: “Oh. So, like, a long time?”
Me: “Yeah…”
(Working in a busy pharmacy, a teenage boy and his girlfriend came up to the counter.)
Boy: “I’m looking for the condoms.” *smiling at his girlfriend, she’s looking embarrassed*
Me: “Aisle 10, right hand side.”
Boy: “Yeah, but you see, I need some extra-large condoms. The regular ones are way too small for me.” *smirking at his girlfriend*
Me: “Seriously?”
(I stand back, heave my leg up on the counter and point to it.)
Me: “See this ankle? I recently broke it, and had a cast on. I used regular-sized condoms on it to waterproof it when I had showers. If your penis is larger than this—” *pointing to my leg still up on the counter* “—then I seriously suggest you keep it away from her—” *pointing to girlfriend* “—as it’s going to do some serious damage!”
(Both boy and girlfriend walked away without saying another word.)
(I work in a city where the people have to buy city trash-bags that are expensive. We had to get rid of our trash barrel from outside the store because people started throwing away their home trash in it.)
Customer: *walking in with bag full of trash* “Do you have a barrel so I can throw away my trash?”
Me: “I’m sorry, but we had to get rid of it.”
Customer: “Well, why?”
Me: “Because people started to bring their home trash to our store and leave it around our barrel because they didn’t want to buy city bags.”
Customer: “Well, that’s stupid. Where am I supposed to throw away my trash?”
Me: “At home with your city bags?”
Customer: “Hi. I need some tablets. You know the one I got last time? I didn’t come here but it comes in a box.”
Me: “…”
(I have just started working at my local pharmacy. It’s my first time answering the phone and I’m really nervous.)
Me: “Pharmacy, this is [My Name]. Can I help you?”
Caller: “HELLO?? HELLLOOOO?”
Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”
Caller: “HELLOOOOOOOOO.”
Me: “Hello… ma’am?”
Caller: “CAAAAAN YOUUU HEEEAR MEEEE?”
Me: *holding phone away from my ear at this point* “Loud and clear, ma’am.”
Caller: “Oh, good. I just wanted to make sure my phone was working.” *click*
Me: *stares at phone*
