Identity Theft Is Childs Play

, , , , | Right | January 14, 2011

(I am a customer in line. There is a woman with a four-year-old finishing up their purchase.)

Me: “Here’s your change.”

Four-Year-Old: “Mommy, can I do the scribbles?”

Customer: “No, honey. I paid with cash, not my credit card.”


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Looking Down The Barrel Of A Smoking Gum

, , , , , | Right | January 3, 2011

(I hear this conversation in my checkout line.)

Customer #1: “Oh, my God, I love that nicotine gum! It makes my mouth feel all numb.”

Customer #2: “You know that stuff’s going to get you addicted to cigarettes, right?”

Customer #1: “Nah! That stuff gets you un-addicted to them and I don’t smoke. I’m fine!”


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Children Get Sick Periodically

, , , , , , , | Right | November 19, 2010

(A woman walks into the store with her young daughter. Her daughter looks feverish and is sniffling.)

Customer: “Oh, look, honey. They have candy bars. Go get yourself one while mommy shops for her things.”

(The little girl walks up to the counter and takes a candy bar.)

Me: “Are you feeling okay, little girl?”

Daughter: “My mommy says as long as she gets her tampons, I’ll feel better.”

(The girl suddenly vomits all over the candy bars and on the counter.)

Daughter: “QUICK, MOMMY! GET YOUR TAMPONS!”


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Ear-Waxing Lyrical About Bad Service

, , , , , , | Right | November 1, 2010

Customer: “I’ve come to pick up my prescription.”

Me: “Oh, I’m really sorry. Due to extenuating circumstances we don’t have a pharmacist at the moment so legally I can’t give out any prescriptions. But if you wait five minutes, a replacement pharmacist will be here and then you can take it.”

Customer: “But I need it. Give it to me!”

Me: “I understand your problem but I would be breaking the law if I gave it to you.”

Customer: “I work in the pharmaceutical industry and I know for a fact you are lying! Give it to me now!”

(The pharmacist arrives and I explain the problem.)

Pharmacist: “I’m really sorry for the inconvenience but my colleague was right, There was nothing she could do. But now that I’m here, you can take your prescription.”

Customer: “Your colleague is a cruel, moral-less b**** with the intelligence of a moron. She has endangered my life! I shall take this to court and win!” *storms out*

Me: *to pharmacist* “What was in her prescription?”

Pharmacist: “Drops for excessive ear wax.”


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Retired & Extremely Dangerous

, , , , , | Right | October 18, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pharmacy]. May I help you?”

Elderly Female Customer: “I would like to get these two of my medications refilled and I want to pick them up tomorrow afternoon.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, that will be fine. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Elderly Female Customer: “Honey, you can come to my house and do me anytime.”

Me: “I, uh, oh, uh…”

Elderly Female Customer: “I hope I didn’t offend you, but I’m old so I can say things like that!”


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