The Test Is Inconclusive

| Bergen, Norway | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I work as a headmaster and one day drive to the local mall during lunch. One of the teachers asks to ride with me as she has an errand to run. When we get to the mall we split up, and then we meet up at the car a little later to go back to the school. The teacher is nine months pregnant when this happens.)

Teacher: *suddenly laughs, apparently for no reason*

Me: “What?”

Teacher: “I just realized why the shop assistant at the chemist was looking at me as if I am completely nuts!”

Me: “Why?”

Teacher: “Well, one of the girls in my class was really worried that she might be pregnant, and I offered to get a pregnancy test for her. So there I came, waddling in with my huge belly, and I asked where the pregnancy tests were. The look the guy gave me was priceless!”

Can’t Stretch To Accommodate This Call

| Southaven, MS, USA | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

Customer: “Hi, I needed to ask you some questions about condoms.”

Me: “Okay, go ahead.”

Customer: “Well, you see I have a problem. All the condoms seem to be too small and are very tight.”

Me: “Okay, well they do make larger condoms such as Trojan Magnums.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve tried those and even those are too small for me.”

Me: “Well, I’ve never really heard of that, since condoms are designed to be very stretchy.”

Customer: “I’ve just tried all sorts of condoms. What I really need is for you to help me try on the condom.”

Me: *click*

Pretty In Pink-Orange

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Bigotry, Bizarre, Holidays

(Last year I dyed my hair bright red, and by October it was starting to fade out to a pink-orange. I was used to getting a lot of comments about my hair and most were positive so I was taken by surprise when I was ringing up an older customer a few days before Halloween.)

Husband: “Is that your real hair?”

Me: “Yes. it is.”

Husband: “Well. I like it. It’s nice. You look very pretty.”

Me: “Thank you.”

(His wife looks at him with a face that says she doesn’t appreciate him complimenting me.)

Husband: *to his wife* “Well, she’s Halloween pretty, anyway.”

Me: “…here’s your receipt. Have a nice night…”

(My manager and I still haven’t figured out if I should take that as a compliment or insult, yet.)