Who Spayed Roger Rabbit?

, , , , | Related | October 22, 2017

(My parents have a rabbit named Roger. When they went away for a month’s holiday, they left him with my sister who put him in with her rabbits. A few days after they get back, they notice Roger acting oddly; not long after. they find that he’s now got a litter of kits. Mum is showing them to me.)

Mum: “He goes to your sister’s a perfectly happy Roger, and she sends him back as Rog-ette.”

Not Really Feline This Relationship

, , , | Romantic | October 19, 2017

Partner: *from the next room* “You know I love you!”

Me: *touched at this sweet, out-of-the-blue comment* “Thanks, Sweetie. I love you, too.”

Partner: *pauses* “I was talking to the cat.”

Mama And Papa New Guinea

, , , , , | Friendly | October 17, 2017

(My friend lives alone in Canada and I live in the US. We spend all of our free time online chatting. She has recently purchased a baby poofy guinea pig as a pet, since her apartment building won’t allow cats or dogs. She has raised guinea pigs before, so she knows what to do. After a couple months, my friend sadly messages me.)

Friend: “I think my guinea pig is dying.”

Me: “Oh, no!”

Friend: “Yeah. She doesn’t move around at all anymore and hasn’t really eaten the past couple of days. I’ll message you later; I’m going for a walk.”

(My friend goes for a walk and then comes home, texting me.)

Friend: “Well, I think my guinea pig is doing better!”

Me: “Really? Awesome!”

Friend: “Yeah! She threw up a couple hairballs and now seems to have more energy.”

Friend: “Oh, God! The hairballs are breathing! It’s babies! She’s having babies! What do I do?!”

Me: “Aww! Let nature take over. She’ll know what to do.”

Friend: “I don’t know how to take care of babies!”

Me: “Relax!”

Friend: “BUT SHE WAS A BABY WHEN I GOT HER! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!”

(We discovered later that guinea pigs mate at a very young age if not separated quickly; the store had not separated them quickly enough!)

Calls Of This Nature Are Up To Nature

, , , , , | Right | October 16, 2017

(I get a call as an animal control officer.)

Man: “There are squirrels in my neighbor’s tree.”

Me: “They tend to like trees.”

Man: “I need them removed.”

Me: “Umm…”

Man: “They drop nuts in my yard.”

Me: “We don’t do wildlife calls.”

Man: “I need you to remove them from the neighbor’s tree and do your d*** job!”

Me: “That would be trespassing, and we don’t do calls of this nature. I’m not sure anyone does.”

Man: *hangs up*

(Somewhere in my city right now is a man festering with hatred and anger because there are squirrels in someone else’s yard. He’s probably shaking his fist at a tree right now.)

An Opportunity To Spot The Elusive Canadian Giraffe

, , , | Learning | October 15, 2017

(We are on a field trip to a sanctuary with our summer camp, where the students can see some of the local wildlife. Since we focus a lot on reading, we’re trying to get the students to read the posters about the animals. One of my younger students looks into an area where he can see white tailed deer fawn that still has spots.)

Student: “What animal is that?”

Me: “It says on the poster; try to read it.”

(The student looks at the picture, then at the animal, then back to me.)

Student: “Is that a giraffe?”

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