That Fish Didn’t Want To Go With Them

, , , , | Right | March 8, 2019

(I work at a very popular pet store. Our store closes at nine pm on weekdays and Saturdays. As a corporate policy, we are not allowed to tell people that we are closing or closed. The only time we can tell them that we are closing soon is if they specifically ask us when we close. This story takes place after nine pm.)

Me: “Can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “Yes, we’d like [fish #1] or [fish #2].”

Me: “Well, [fish #1] is…” *long explanation about how [fish #1] will get way too big for their tank and they’d only end up killing it* “So, I’d suggest [fish #2], or taking the night to sleep on it.”

Customer: “How about [fish #3]?”

Me: *internally screaming* “Sure, that would probably work.”

Customer: “Okay, but I want a very specific fish. Some of the fish in there look sickly.”

(This is not an uncommon or difficult request, but because of this fish’s swimming habits I have to take out all the decoration in the tank to find the proper one. Not a difficult task, just slightly irritating.)

Customer: “Wait a minute. That fish in the center hasn’t moved; can you check it to see if it’s alive?”

(This is not uncommon for this species of fish, as they are a fish that routinely stays in one place and eats algae off the glass or gravel.)

Me: “Sure.” *prods the fish very lightly, which will usually cause a slight reaction — no reaction* “Hmm, this one seems to be kind of stationary.”

Customer: *starts backing away from the tanks* “Nope. Nope, nope. That’s five dead fish; that’s a bad omen. Sorry for wasting your time, but we’ll just come in on another day.”

(As I was putting everything away, because I had to take out several materials in order to catch a fish, I saw that when bothered by a water current, that little fish at the bottom was actually moving. Apparently, the fish are on OUR side!)

Hoping You Were Cat-atonic

, , , | Right | March 6, 2019

(I work in the consumer care department of a pet food manufacturer.)

Me: “[My Name] speaking; how may I assist you?”

Caller: “Hi there. I buy your cat food, and for some reason all three of my cats are refusing to eat this new bag of food; something must be wrong with it. They just refuse to eat it at all!”

Me: “All right. Could you advise if there seems to be anything physically amiss with it? Does it look or smell different?”

Caller: “No, but they won’t eat it, so there must be something wrong! My cats are starving; they have nothing else to eat now!”

Me: “All right. I’ll just need a few details off of the bag, and then I can have a replacement delivered to you. We will also have the remaining food collected to do testing on it, to see if anything is wrong with it.”

Caller: “Oh, great! Uh… When might you arrive to collect the food? There might not be anything left by then; I have to keep feeding this food to my cats until you give me the replacement.”

Crazy Cat Lady Goes To College

, , , , , , , | Friendly | March 4, 2019

I grew up in the American midwest but moved 1000 miles away for school. I also attended a college that keeps a live tiger in an enclosure for our mascot. This, combined with my crazy cat person tendencies, led to a joke among my friends that if someone was ever caught breaking into the enclosure to pet the tiger, err on the side of caution and just assume it was me.

Three years after I moved, I woke up one Sunday to texts from a friend at school, my best friend who lived in North Carolina, and my sister, all wanting to confirm I was at school and not in my hometown. Confused, I told them all I was, and they dropped the subject.

A few hours later, I checked Facebook and one of the trending stories caught my eye: a woman got drunk, broke into the zoo in my hometown, fell into the tiger exhibit, and got bitten trying to pet the kitty. Putting two and two together, I texted my friends and sister, wanting to know if they thought I was was that idiot.

My school friend said she was pretty sure it wasn’t me, but wanted to double-check after recognizing my hometown.

My best friend said she wouldn’t have thought it was me, but the woman was drunk, and I am dumb when plastered.

My sister said she was fairly certain it wasn’t me, and wouldn’t have asked, except she got texts from a dozen friends and coworkers asking if it was me, and she wanted a firm yes or no before replying.

After a brief flash of righteous indignation, I realized I wasn’t actually angry, because that is something I would do, and checking that I was a thousand miles away was an entirely reasonable reaction.

Some Families Are Just Meant To Be

, , , , , | Hopeless | March 3, 2019

I volunteer with an animal rescue organization founded by my mentor and best friend. Today, we were at an adoption event hosted by a large pet supply store. Most adoptions need an application, vet references, and time. However, my mentor told me that sometimes you just know it’s going to work out.

We had a young black dog with a white chest stripe. Like most black dogs, unfortunately, there hadn’t been much interest in him. A few applications had been submitted, but the people seemed to be inconvenienced that they couldn’t get another dog. It’s hard to explain — you had to be there. One lady said, “Call me if you find another dog first.” We had fun shredding her paperwork.

About an hour before closing, a young African American couple came in and fell in love with him. They told us they were newlyweds, and decided their wedding gift to each other was to adopt a dog. Our pup loved them, and my mentor took their application and let them go home with a happy, loved dog. We watched as a store employee took them around to buy supplies. They bought a harness and the employee instructed them how to make sure it wasn’t too tight or loose. They were so loving and attentive and let the pup pick out some toys and treats. As they were leaving, they stopped and thanked us again. The husband hugged the pup and happily announced how much their “new son” looked like them! We all had a good laugh and wished them well.

“And that,” my mentor said, “is how you know.”

Try Not To Do That, Deer

, , , , | Romantic | March 1, 2019

(My husband and I make arrangements to buy a used SUV to replace our current one. We’re driving home in the current vehicle, with an appointment to switch vehicles the next weekend.)

Husband: “So, we’re done with the paperwork for the [new SUV]. What happens if we wreck this SUV in the meantime?”

Me: “Well, we’re still insured for this one. We’d have to report to [Insurance Company] and do the deductible and so forth. Big pain, but I’m sure it happens.”

Husband: “We’ll try really hard not to do that.”

(Less than two miles later, my husband spots three deer by the side of the road, and watches them. I’m looking straight ahead and I see the fourth deer — literally a deer in the headlights — in the middle of the road.)

Me: “Watch out! Deer in the road!”

(My husband brakes like mad and swerves around the deer, muttering various expletives. We miss the deer, which finally moves across and off the road.)

Husband: “What did we just say about trying hard not to do that?”

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