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Someone Needs A Muzzle

, , , , | Friendly | CREDIT: just_an_aspie | August 30, 2021

I live in an apartment building. Where I live, there’s no such thing as pet-free housing. By law, all residential areas must allow pets within reason (you can’t have a cow inside an apartment). I usually leave home with my service dog unvested and put his vest on if I have to; where I live, service dogs must be vested and have an ID and tag.

I am getting my mail at a common area of the building and a lady is just leaving the elevator with a kid (her granddaughter) when she sees my dog. My dog is a pit bull and is in no way or form aggressive or reactive.

Lady: “[Kid], stay behind me! That’s a dangerous dog!”

Me: “Actually, he’s very docile and well-trained.”

Lady: “But that’s a pit bull! You can’t have that thing in here.”

Kid: “I want to play with the dog!”

Lady: “Shut up, [Kid]!”

Me: “I can have him here; he’s my dog, and by law, he has all the right to be here.”

Lady: *Clearly taken aback* “Well, by law, dangerous dogs have to wear muzzles!”

Me: “That’s right, but he isn’t a dangerous dog, and he’s a service dog. His tasks can’t be properly done with a muzzle and the law allows it.”

Lady: *Grinning* “Well, I’m in a hurry right now, but next time, I’ll call the police and see what they have to say.”

I really, really hope she does that. If she does, I’ll have her charged with harassment.

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The Furry Fables Of Teddy And Myrrh

, , , , , , | Friendly | August 22, 2021

My boyfriend and I are at the vet with his one-and-a-half-year-old German shepherd, Teddy, and my six-month-old kitten, Myrrh, to get them their updated vaccines.

Teddy, though an “aggressive breed,” is the sweetest, gentlest dog I’ve ever known, and he absolutely adores my cat. As a result, Myrrh has no fear of dogs and is incredibly friendly and outgoing, so while we’re waiting for our names to be called, I’m letting her sit beside me on the bench (wearing a harness and leash) instead of leaving in her carrier.

Teddy and another dog start sniffing each other, tails wagging and all, so we allow them to play a little as the owner scoots over to greet us. As we’re talking, he sees my cat sitting quietly between my partner and me and comments on how risky it is to keep the two of them in the same apartment. We happily explain that they grew up together so they have an “overbearing but loving big brother” and “fearless little sister” dynamic; she’s in no danger (save being loved to death).

The guy laughs and starts to pet Teddy, while speaking in a babying voice.

Guy: “You’re just being friendly for now, huh? But when no one’s looking, you’re going to tear that little kitty apart, aren’t you? She’s just a walking chew toy and you’re going to rip her to shreds!”

I am mortified, too shocked to respond. I’ve always loved cats but have spent more than a decade living in fear of dogs following an attack when I was a child. It took several weeks of gentle encouragement from my partner for me to trust Teddy enough that I could start conquering that fear. Needless to say, I am deeply upset at the idea of my kitten being brutally killed and my boyfriend is equally furious. 

However, before either of us can say or do anything, the jerk’s dog tries to nip at Myrrh — playfully, not aggressively, but too sudden and rough for her — which startles her, and she mewls pitifully. In an instant, Teddy’s friendliness vanishes and he shoves the dog backward, growling to warn him off while planting himself between the offender and Myrrh. Frightened by the sudden hostility, the guy’s dog cowers behind its owner, who also jumps in fear and scuttles backward.

Guy: “Hey! Y-You need to get that animal under control!”

The guy moved back to the other side of the waiting room, much to our relief. He didn’t seem to understand the irony of the situation, but from the looks of the other patrons who’d overheard the conversation, the message wasn’t lost. 

Myrrh was confused but unharmed, and when Teddy went to check on her, she started purring and grooming him, and he was back to his happy, tail-wagging self immediately. My boyfriend and I lavished praise on the pair, and Teddy got a brand-new peanut butter bone for his good behavior at the vet. It’s been almost four years since then and, though much has changed for our little family — for example, my boyfriend is now my husband — both Teddy and Myrrh are still as happy and affectionate as ever.

This story is part of our Best Of August 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of August 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of August 2021 roundup!

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You Say, “I Do,” I Say, “Neigh!”

, , , | Romantic | August 20, 2021

Two of my and my husband’s best friends got married a few years ago at a beautiful historic barn/mill. [Bride] has been an equestrian for about twenty years, so it surprised no one that she arrived at the ceremony site on her horse. After she dismounted to walk down the aisle with her father, someone pulled her horse off to the side to keep him occupied until [Bride] could get him back on the trailer to go home. He wasn’t thrilled at his human being out of sight for so long, being a bit of a Mama’s Boy, so occasionally we heard little snorts from him during the ceremony, but nothing especially loud or disruptive. UNTIL…

Pastor: “If anyone here has any lawful objection as to why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

At that moment, with the sort of timing you only see in movies, [Bride]’s horse gave the LOUDEST, LONGEST WHINNY I have ever heard from him to this day. There was about half a beat of wide-eyed silence as everyone processed what had just happened, followed by absolute gales of laughter. The pastor was bent forward with his hand on his stomach, wheezing, while [Bride] was fully doubled over in hysterics.

Groom: *Also laughing* “I told you he didn’t like me!”

This, of course, made everyone laugh more, especially [Bride]. Finally, everyone started to calm down and the wedding was able to proceed as the pastor pulled himself together.

Pastor: *Still chuckling* “If anyone here besides [Horse] has any lawful objections…”

It hadn’t been an especially serious event before, but everyone gave up on any sort of solemnity after that. [Bride] and [Groom] have been happily married ever since, and [Horse] has begrudgingly accepted his new “dad.” He’s still mama’s boy, though.

This story is part of our Best Of August 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of August 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of August 2021 roundup!

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Only The Best For Our Fur Babies!

, , , , , | Related | August 20, 2021

We have a community of stray/yard cats that has settled into equilibrium now — all the ones friendly enough to let us see them have been fixed — but when this happens, one of them has recently had kittens. We want to raise the kittens as pets, not strays, so when their mom weans them, we start feeding them canned cat food.

Mom has bought a variety of food, including some pricier stuff than usual, to tempt their appetites. My foster brother is helping Mom and me serve it up.

Mom: “What should we give them tonight?”

My brother looks through the pantry.

Brother: “We have tuna, salmon, venison— Wait a second!”

He holds up a can.

Brother: “This is pheasant! For cats? Seriously? I’ve never had pheasant!”

As he’s talking, he puts the can down. I pick it up and hold it out to him.

Me: “Want some?”

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Barking Up The Wrong Pipes

, , , , | Right | August 10, 2021

I work as a property management assistant. I show properties and do inspections, but I also handle other work as necessary whenever someone is out of the office, meaning I know how to do mostly everything. This means that I can tag in whenever someone needs help. In person, I’m a pushover, all sweetness and light, but over the phone that changes, and that’s where I get tagged in most frequently.

I get tapped by the maintenance coordinator. A tenant has been charged for an after-hours maintenance call, the most expensive kind there is. The tenant has called in an emergency, and now he is getting charged for it, and he is not happy. There’s only one way the tenant gets charged for that, though, and that’s if it’s their fault. I get the quick rundown: he called the emergency phone on Sunday night to say that there was a break to a water line. Instead of turning the water off at the main and waiting for someone to come over first thing in the morning, he wanted them there right away. He was warned that if it was his fault, he’d be charged, but he didn’t care, so the technician went out, turned off the water main, and said they’d be back to fix it in the morning.

Then, we got a report from the contractor: the break was caused by the tenant’s dog. There’s no info on how, so I call the contractor to find out what evidence he has. After talking with him, I hop back on the phone with the tenant.

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid that I can’t reverse the charge. I just spoke to the contractor, and he says it was definitely your dog that broke the water pipe.”

Tenant: “That’s ridiculous! How dare you take his word over mine?! I’ve been a tenant here for six years!”

Me: “We’ve been contracting out to them for nine years, sir, and they have no reason to lie to us; they get paid either way.”

Tenant: “I don’t see what that has to do with it! And how could he even know what broke the pipe? How would my dog even do that?!”

Me: “Sir, he found your dog’s leash tied to the pipe.”

There’s a moment of silence.

Tenant: “Well, that’s just stupid! Who would tie their dog to a water pipe?!”

Me: “Apparently you, sir.”

He hung up.

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