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Snakes On A Plane…And In The Next Seat Over

, , | Right | May 28, 2009

(This man comes to the movie theater with a live snake wrapped around his neck. This is the exchange that takes place.)

Coworker: “Hello, sir, and welcome to [Movie Theater]– Is that a snake?!”

(Every customer in the lobby that can hear my coworker scampers away.)

Customer: “Yes, it is.”

Coworker: *shrinking back in fear* “I’m sorry, sir, but company policy prohibits any animals other than seeing-eye animals.”

Customer: “The snake is a seeing-eye animal.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but I’m going to have to ask you to come back without the snake. It’s upsetting the other guests.”

Customer: “FINE! I didn’t want to see the stupid movie anyway!” *stomps away*


This story is part of our Snakes roundup!

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Tiny Pooch With A Super-Sized Grudge

, , , | Right | May 26, 2009

(I’m taking orders and money in the drive-thru booth during a rush. A customer pulls up to the window.)

Me: “Hi, your total is $6.54.”

Customer: *glaring* “I’m mad at you!”

Me: “Why?”

Customer: “I went through [Competitor]’s drive-thru earlier, and they didn’t have any french fries, so I had to come here!”

Me: “I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Yeah! And he’s mad at you, too!”

(She points to the back seat, which is completely empty.)

Me: “Yeah, um, he… he looks pretty mad, I guess.”

Customer: *snaps* “C’mere, Sparkie!”

(A little poodle hops up into her lap.)

Customer: “Tell her how mad you are!”

(The customer then holds the dog up to the window to show me how mad it was.)

Me: “Wow, um, all right.”

(She pays and I give her the change.)

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Customer: *smiling* “You too, sweetie!” *glares* “…but I’m still mad at you!”


This story is part of our Even-Crazier-Pet-Owners roundup!

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This story is part of the French Fry roundup!

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Mistaking Kitty For Kujo

, , , | Right | May 25, 2009

(I work at an animal hospital which also helps adopt out strays. It’s a slow day, so I walk into the lobby cradling a kitten for anyone that is interested.)

Customer: “Is that your cat?”

Me: “No, this little guy is one of our strays. He needs a home.”

Customer: “Do you have any stray dogs?”

Me: “Yes, we have a couple of dogs that are available for adoption. However, we have more cats and they are easier to walk around with.”

Customer: “Never was a fan of cats. Dogs are always so friendly and loyal. You could die in your chair and your dog would just lie right next to you until they died, too. A cat would probably start eating the flesh off your bones!”


This story is part of our Take Your Cat To The Vet roundup!

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They Charge Extra For The Tail End Of The Journey

, , , , , | Right | May 5, 2009

Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling [Company] Airlines. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “How much would it cost for my dog to travel with me?”

Me: “It’s $50 per leg.”

Customer: “Oh, she only has three legs, so how much would that cost?”

Me: “…that’s $50 per leg, as in travel segments.”

Customer: “Oh… Thank you.” *hangs up*


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Unbearably Bad Ideas

, , , , , | Right | April 28, 2009

(I worked in a resort over the summer as a concierge.)

Tourist: “Can we see any wildlife in the area, you know, by the side of the road?”

Me: “Sure, we routinely see elk, deer, mountain goats, and bighorn sheep. I’ve seen a couple of wolves, too, and we get a lot of bears.”

Tourist: “Oh! Can we feed the bears?”

Me: “No, sir, the bears are wild bears. They are extremely dangerous and you should never approach any wild animal. Just stay in your car, with the windows up, and you’ll be fine.”

Tourist: “Oh… can we send our kids to play with the bears?”

Me: “That would be ‘feeding the bears,’ sir…”


This story is part of the Wildlife roundup!

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