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No Means No Means No

, , , | Right | July 22, 2008

Customer: “I just got a new fish tank, and I was wondering what kind of fish I could put in it.”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

(I proceed to show her some good starter fish. I point out some tetras, when she says…)

Customer: “I thought that you needed a bubbler for those kinds of fish.”

Me: “Oh! You don’t have a filter or anything?”

Customer: “No. Just a tank.”

Me: “Okay, well the only type of fish that can live in a bowl-like environment are bettas.”

Customer: “But I don’t want these kinds of fish!”

Me: “Well, if you want to get anything else, you will have to purchase a filter and everything for your tank.”

Customer: *points to some guppies* “So I can’t get these?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: *points to some mollies* “What about these?”

Me: “No. With the tank set up you have, you can only get bettas.”

Customer: “What about the platties?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “So I can’t get anything else?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “So I can’t get the barbs?”

Me: *facepalm*


This story is part of the Terrible Fish Owners roundup!

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Natural Selection In Action, Part 2

, , , , | Right | July 21, 2008

Zoo Visitor: “Aren’t lions vegetarians?”

Me: “No, lions are carnivores.”

Zoo Visitor: “I’m sure I read somewhere that they are vegetarians. How are they carnivores?”

Me: “Sir, lions are well-known carnivores. They hunt for their food. Their diet consists of mostly meat. They would not survive on fruits and vegetables alone.”

Zoo Visitor: “Are you sure about that?”

Me: *sarcastically* “Well, if you really want to you, can jump into the lion exhibit to see if they’ll eat you.”

Zoo Visitor: “Vegetarians wouldn’t eat a human, would they?”

Me: “My point exactly.”


This story is part of our Vegetarian roundup!

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Mom In A Thong: Wrong

, , , , | Right | July 6, 2008

Me: “Ma’am, you’re not allowed to have non-service dogs in the store unless you’re holding them.”

Woman: “Oh, I know.”

Me: “Well… I am going to have to ask you to keep the dog in your arms while you’re shopping.”

Woman: “That’s fine. I just had to readjust my thong.”

Woman’s Young Daughter: “MOM!”

Woman: “What? I wanted him to know.”


This story is part of the Customers-Sharing-TMI roundup!

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Oral Fixations, The Later Years

, , , , | Right | July 3, 2008

(A customer takes a free sample from a barrel marked “FREE DOG BISCUITS”.)

Woman: “Are these free?”

Me: “Yes, those are free samples.”

Woman: “What are they?” *rips package open*

Me: “Those are dog biscuits, ma’am.”

Woman: *takes a bite of the DOG BISCUITS* “These are the worst cookies I’ve ever tasted!”

Me: “No doubt…”


This story is part of the Free-Sample Station roundup!

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Poodle Bites Woman, Claims Insanity

, , , | Right | July 1, 2008

(I’m outside walking a small poodle before her bath.)

Passing Woman: *to the poodle* “Oh, what a pretty kitty! Hello, kitty!”

Me: “…”

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