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Signs Point To Business As Usual

, , , , , , | Working | September 2, 2021

I have a retired racing greyhound. Obviously, she loves to run, and one of the “rules” for adopting her was that she always has to either be in an enclosed area or on a leash. If she got out, we would never catch her!

We recently moved into a house with a fenced yard — yay! I ordered a sign for the gate that says, “Warning: There’s a greyhound in here. Keep gate closed at all times,” hoping that it would help the gate, you know, stay closed so I wouldn’t have to check it every time I let her out.

The very first person other than my fiancé and me to use the gate was a utility worker, coming to install a new water meter. As he needed to get into the basement, I told him to go around back and I would open the basement door. About an hour later, he was back at the front door to let me know he was finished. I’m sure you know where this is going.

Later, I noticed the gate was open. Luckily, we hadn’t actually moved the dog into the new house yet. We’re going to padlock the gate for extra security, but I’m a little bummed that my sign didn’t work at all. Although, as a reader of this site, I’m not sure what I expected.

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You Were Warned

, , , , , , , | Working | September 2, 2021

I am sitting at a gate in an airport waiting for my flight to start boarding. A frantic woman runs up to the desk agent near the gate. The woman has a leashed dog with her.

Woman: “Where is the pet relief area?!”

Desk Agent: *Turns to look at the dog* “Hi, puppy!”

Woman: “Excuse me, ma’am! Where is the pet relief area?!”

Desk Agent: *Sarcastically* “Well, excuse me for talking to your dog!”

Woman: “I don’t care if you sing opera to my dog. If you don’t tell me where the pet relief area is, she’s going to take a s*** right here!”

Desk Agent: “That’s okay if she does; it’s fine.”

Woman: *Turns to the dog* “Madeline, finish your business now.”

The dog promptly went number two. I felt my mouth hanging wide open in disbelief, and the gate agent’s face looked similar. To her credit, the woman fully cleaned up the mess with bags, spray, and napkins she kept in her purse.

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We’ll Put Good Money On Her Being Hired Again

, , , , , , | Friendly | September 1, 2021

I’ve just finished a weeklong stint of house-sitting for a neighbor. Most of my duties had to do with taking care of their pets, so their three dogs love me. I go over to their house after they get home to give them back their garage door opener.

The dogs go crazy when I ring the doorbell, and when my neighbor opens the door, two of them get out. One of them merely sits next to me and begs for pats and ear scratches, which I am happy to give him, while the other begins running around the front yard.

I give my neighbor the garage door opener back and we discuss payment for a minute before she goes to call the dogs back inside. The affectionate dog obliges, but the other one is not listening to her, no matter how many times she calls.

In an effort to help, I call, “[Dog]! Go inside! Come on inside!”

The dog immediately comes back, goes inside, and doesn’t try to run back out. My neighbor laughs and gripes about how of course they listen to the girl who fed and loved them for a week but not her.

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These Telemarketers Won’t Stop Dogging Me!

, , , , , | Working | August 31, 2021

I get telemarketing calls all the time; very often they want me to change my electricity provider or purchase their price guarantee which allegedly would prevent my electricity costs from exceeding a certain amount or something.

Me: “[My Last Name], hello?”

Telemarketer: “Hello, my name is [Telemarketer]. I’m calling on behalf of [Company]. Am I speaking to Mr. SanSan [My Last Name]?”

Me: “Um… no.”

Telemarketer: “Could I talk to Mr. SanSan [My Last Name], please?”

Me: “Would you please tell me where you got his name from?”

Telemarketer: “Mr. SanSan [My Last Name] recently participated in an online survey and agreed to be contacted about offers and ways to save money.”

Me: “I find that hard to believe.”

Telemarketer: “Well, I have a great offer for him, so could you please put him on the phone?”

Me: “If you insist.”

Telemarketer: “Thank you.”

I cover the mouthpiece and call for SanSan.

Me: “SanSan, did you do another one of those online surveys?”

SanSan just tilts his head and looks at me.

Me: “Ah, well, here’s a call for you.”

I place the phone at his head. The telemarketer begins his spiel.

Telemarketer: “Mr. SanSan [My Last Name]? I’m with [Company] and I’m calling about your electricity—”

SanSan: “BARK! BARK! BARK!”

Telemarketer: “WHAT THE H***?!”

I take the phone back.

Me: “Hello? Are you still there?”

Telemarketer: “What’s the big idea?! Why are you letting me talk to your dog?!”

Me: “You wanted to speak to SanSan, didn’t you? SanSan is my dog.”

Telemarketer: “F*** you!” *Hangs up*

Me: “No more online surveys, SanSan.”

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Someone Needs A Muzzle

, , , , | Friendly | CREDIT: just_an_aspie | August 30, 2021

I live in an apartment building. Where I live, there’s no such thing as pet-free housing. By law, all residential areas must allow pets within reason (you can’t have a cow inside an apartment). I usually leave home with my service dog unvested and put his vest on if I have to; where I live, service dogs must be vested and have an ID and tag.

I am getting my mail at a common area of the building and a lady is just leaving the elevator with a kid (her granddaughter) when she sees my dog. My dog is a pit bull and is in no way or form aggressive or reactive.

Lady: “[Kid], stay behind me! That’s a dangerous dog!”

Me: “Actually, he’s very docile and well-trained.”

Lady: “But that’s a pit bull! You can’t have that thing in here.”

Kid: “I want to play with the dog!”

Lady: “Shut up, [Kid]!”

Me: “I can have him here; he’s my dog, and by law, he has all the right to be here.”

Lady: *Clearly taken aback* “Well, by law, dangerous dogs have to wear muzzles!”

Me: “That’s right, but he isn’t a dangerous dog, and he’s a service dog. His tasks can’t be properly done with a muzzle and the law allows it.”

Lady: *Grinning* “Well, I’m in a hurry right now, but next time, I’ll call the police and see what they have to say.”

I really, really hope she does that. If she does, I’ll have her charged with harassment.

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