Who Needs Science When You Can Have Myths?

, , , , , | Related | June 29, 2020

I live in a rural area near a pond, so we see lots of wildlife. My mom and I are taking a walk when we see a baby turtle, no bigger than a quarter, crossing the street. I carefully pick it up and move it to the other side of the road, and then we continue on our walk.

Mom: “That was weird how it knew to go toward the pond. How do turtles know where the water is?”

Me: “It’s instinctual. How do you know how to breathe?”

Mom: “But that’s different. This is directional.”

Me: “I don’t know. I guess if they’ve been doing it for millions of years, it becomes a habit. How do birds know to fly south?”

Mom: “Well, the birds probably follow each other. But that turtle was by itself.”

Me: “But if the birds follow each other, at some point there has to have been a bird that started it all. How does that bird know to go south?”

Mom: “There’s a grandfather bird.”

Me: “A grandfather bird that flies all over the country?”

Mom: “Yes! He’s the keeper of the compass and he flies around the country telling all the birds to go south, and they all follow him there.”

Me: “And then, when he finally arrives in the south, he immediately dies and is reincarnated into another bird.”

Mom: “Yes, he passes on the compass to a new bird.”

Me: “I think we just invented a myth.”

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She Just Invented The World’s Worst Jello Flavor

, , , , , , | Right | June 29, 2020

I am manning a touch-tank exhibit at the aquarium and overhear this exchange between a mother and a young child:

Mother: “What does the starfish feel like?”

Three-Year-Old Daughter: “Um, uh… strawberries!”

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A Whole New Kind Of Dead-Parrot Sketch, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | June 25, 2020

My coworker messaged me this morning with this gem. Our stock person was on cash today, which she doesn’t often do.

Non-English speaking people often come in to buy canary birds; I was told by one it reminds his family of home. Apparently, one such customer came in today with a box and told our stock person the bird had “fallen asleep and not woken up.” 

Now, we do have to see a body, so my coworker took it to the back to set it aside. However, when she opened the box, she was met with a very much alive and frantic bird. By the time she came out front, the man was already gone with his refund.

Okay, fine. She took the bird back to put in a cage… and then came to realize that this wasn’t even our bird to begin with! He had just returned a bird, which he did not buy here, and he claimed it was dead.

I couldn’t help but laugh at how utterly bizarre of a scam was pulled there.

Related:
A Whole New Kind Of Dead-Parrot Sketch

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Reason 47 Why Cats Are Like People

, , , , | Right | June 25, 2020

I work at a pet supply store, and on one wall there are some kennels that hold cats the local shelter has for adoption. People who come in constantly walk past the cats just to say hi, regardless of whether they’re looking to adopt.

One day, it’s rather hot in the store, as the climate control is broken. Suddenly, a customer comes up to my register, looking worried.

Customer: “I think there’s something wrong with one of the cats. He’s on his back, and his eyes are rolled up in his head.”

I finished ringing the customers in line through and rushed over to the kennels so I could make sure there was nothing wrong with the cat. Sure enough, there was an orange and white cat on its back, eyes rolled up in its head, and lips twitching a little. I was worried the poor thing might have heat stroke due to the temperature of the store.

The second the key entered the lock, though, kitty was upright and looking around intently, wondering what was going on, with not a single sign of anything wrong.

We all started laughing a little as I gave him a quick check just in case. His temperature was fine, and he was enjoying the attention he was getting as I made sure he was okay.

Kitty wasn’t sick at all, just a really weird sleeper.

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The Theme Song Of All Cat Owners: Mischief

, , , , , | Friendly | June 23, 2020

I’m talking to a friend late one night online. 

Friend: “Your alarm sound is technically your theme song since it plays at the start of every episode.”

Me: “My theme song is apparently the sound of my cat trying to get behind the closed blinds.”

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