I Personally Prefer Poultry With My PCs

, , , , | Right | June 7, 2008

(I overhear a fellow salesperson’s sale. He is with a customer but another customer interrupts.)

Customer: “I want to make you an offer on this laptop. I give you $650.”

Coworker: “Sorry, sir, the price is $749.”

Customer: *looks at his wife and nods* “I give you $650 plus three chickens!”

Coworker: *fighting back a smile* “Sorry, the price is $749.”

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What’s Black And White And Dumb All Over

, , | Right | May 29, 2008

Customer: “I would like to get a portrait of my dog done.”

Me: “Okay, sure. I would love to do that for you.”

Customer: “Do you always do your portraits in black and white? Because I would like it in color.”

Me: “Sorry, no… I just work in pencil.”

Customer: “So you can’t do color?”

Me: “No, all my portraits are done in graphite pencil. I don’t paint or anything.”

Customer: “Aww. Well, I really wanted it in color, but, oh, well… I guess…”

(She then proceeded to hand me a picture of her pure white dog with a black nose.)

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Bird Brained, Part 2

, , , | Right | April 13, 2008

(I had just finished giving a 45-minute tour about a certain “mysterious” spot that causes people to supposedly feel dizzy and stand at strange angles.)

Tourist: “So do the birds feel the effects of the mystery?”

Me: “Well they don’t appear to fly funny, but it’s possible.”

Tourist: “…but do they FEEL the effects?”

Me: “Well, I don’t really know because I can’t exactly ask them how they feel. They are birds.”

Tourist: “I just wanna know if they feel the effects!”

Me: “Hold on, I’ll go ask them.” *walks away*

 

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That Darned Cat

, , , , | Right | February 8, 2008

(I work as a computer tech and do in house calls, I got a call one day and went to the customer’s house to assist with her computer not coming on.)

Customer: “Thank god you’re here!”

Me: “What’s wrong with the computer?”

Customer: “It won’t turn on at all, not even the monitor.”

Me: “Okay…”

(I begin to look at it, and it won’t come on at all, the tower or the monitor, so I check the easy things first. I find her power strip unplugged from the wall and plugged into itself.  I plug it into the wall and the computer magically comes on.)

Me: “Okay, your problem was that your power strip was plugged into itself, and therefore did not have any power to the computer.”

Customer: “How do you think that happened?”

Me: “Well, I’m sure your foot got caught up in it and accidentally unplugged it from the wall, and then you saw a plug hanging there later and plugged it into the power strip.”

Customer: “No, I don’t think that happened.”

Me: “Well, I’m not sure as to what really happened, but that is what I think happened.”

Customer: “I think my cat did it.”

Me: “I’m sorry.”

Customer: “I think my cat got back there and got caught up in it and unplugged it.”

Me: “That’s possible…”

Customer: “But how did it get plugged into itself?”

Me: “I’m sure you saw it hanging there and plugged it into the power strip.”

Customer: “No, I’m pretty sure the cat did that too.”

Me: “I don’t think the cat can or did do that.”

Customer: “Yeah, he did… He does all kinds of stuff like that. One day I came home and he had turned the thermostat up.”

(She was pointing at the thermostat which was on a wall with no way for the cat to get to it… and it was digital, so the cat would have had to push the button several times. When I got back to the office and turned the work order in all the coworkers laughed because under problem description it said, “Cat unplugged power strip and plugged it into itself.” Since that day, every time we get a simple call we joke with each other and ask if the customer has a cat.)

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Those Oh-So Subtle Distinctions

, , , | Right | January 10, 2008

Me: “Hello, ma’am, is there anything I can help you find?”

Customer: “Yes. I need to find a book on rodents.”

Me: “Rodents?”

Customer: “Yes, I have some little creature running around my garage and I need to know what it is. I think it might be a vulva.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “You know, it’s small and looks like a mole or a hamster. A vulva.”

Me: “I think you mean a ‘vole’.”

Customer: “Oh right, that’s it. Do you have any books on voles?”

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