Natural Selection In Action, Part 2

, , | Right | July 21, 2008

Zoo visitor: “Aren’t lions vegetarians?”

Me: “No, lions are carnivores.”

Zoo visitor: “I’m sure I read somewhere that they are vegetarians. How are they carnivores?”

Me: “Sir, lions are well-known carnivores. They hunt for their food. Their diet consists of mostly meat. They would not survive on fruits and vegetables alone.”

Zoo visitor: “Are you sure about that?”

Me: *sarcastically* “Well, if you really want to you, can jump into the lion exhibit to see if they’ll eat you.”

Zoo visitor: “Vegetarians wouldn’t eat a human, would they?”

Me: “My point exactly.”

 

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Mom In A Thong: Wrong

, , , | Right | July 6, 2008

Me: “Ma’am, you’re not allowed to have non-service dogs in the store unless you’re holding them.”

Woman: “Oh, I know.”

Me: “Well… I am going to have to ask you to keep the dog in your arms while you’re shopping.”

Woman: “That’s fine. I just had to readjust my thong.”

Woman’s Young Daughter: “MOM!”

Woman: “What? I wanted him to know.”

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Oral Fixations, The Later Years

, , , | Right | July 3, 2008

(A customer takes a free sample from a barrel marked “FREE DOG BISCUITS”.)

Woman: “Are these free?”

Me: “Yes, those are free samples.”

Woman: “What are they?” *rips package open*

Me: “Those are dog biscuits, ma’am.”

Woman: *takes a bite of the DOG BISCUITS* “These are the worst cookies I’ve ever tasted!”

Me: “No doubt…”

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Poodle Bites Woman, Claims Insanity

, , , | Right | July 1, 2008

(I’m outside walking a small poodle before her bath.)

Passing woman, to the poodle: “Oh, what a pretty kitty! Hello, kitty!”

Me: “…”

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I Personally Prefer Poultry With My PCs

, , , , | Right | June 7, 2008

(I overhear a fellow salesperson’s sale. He is with a customer but another customer interrupts.)

Customer: “I want to make you an offer on this laptop. I give you $650.”

Coworker: “Sorry, sir, the price is $749.”

Customer: *looks at his wife and nods* “I give you $650 plus three chickens!”

Coworker: *fighting back a smile* “Sorry, the price is $749.”

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