(I am a customer at a pet store purchasing a dog harness. It is actually for my cat, who is too big for a cat harness.)

Cashier: “What a cute harness! What kind of dog do you have?”

Me: “It’s for my cat. She’s a Maine Coon.”

(The customer behind me overhears.)

Customer: “You can’t buy that! It’s for a dog!”

Me: “I know, but it will fit my cat.”

Customer: “That harness is for dogs only! D-O-G-S!”

Me: “But the cat harnesses are too small. My cat has to wear a dog harness.”

Customer: “Are you a foreigner or something? Real Americans like dogs!”

Me: “I am American and I like dogs, but I like cats, too.”

Customer: “Un-American!” *storms off*

(I work in a pet store. We offer a variety of animals, including birds.)

Customer: “Excuse me, could I ask you a question?”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer: “Do you have any red birds for sale?”

Me: “I’m afraid that all of the birds we have right now are green and blue, no red ones. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you just make one red for me, then?”

Me: “No, ma’am, that’s not something we can do.”

Customer: “And why not, exactly? I think you’re just being lazy, and I have more than half a mind to call your manager!”

Me: “You could do that, but he can’t make the birds red either, sorry.”

(The customer storms off in a huff. She comes back later asking if it is safe to dip a bird in paint.)

(I’m ringing up a customer buying a bag of dog food and a small toy. When customers pay by credit card, the screen automatically asks if they want to make a donation to help homeless animals.)

Me: “Would you like to make a donation to [Store Charity]?”

Customer: “No, I hate all animals; this is for a friend.”

Me: “Okay, then. Would you like a bag for that?”

Customer: “Yes, I hate the environment, too.”

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(I work at a store that sells only pet food, no actual live pets, nor have we ever sold live pets. I answer the phone.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [pet store]. This is [name]; how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I was in there about a month ago and I bought chicks from you guys. I was told they were all females, but I have two boys! I want to know how you’re going to fix it.”

Me: “Oh, I am sorry, sir. I am sure you didn’t purchase them here—”

Customer: “Don’t you dare try to tell me I didn’t buy them from you! You just don’t want to take responsibility for your mistake!”

Me: “I’m sorry for the misunderstanding here—”

Customer: “No! There is no misunderstanding! You made a mistake when you sold me these chickens, and now it’s your job to fix it! This is America!”

Me: “Sir, if you would just let me explain—”

Customer: “What is there to explain that I didn’t just tell you!?”

Me: “Sir! If you had listened to me initially, you would know that we did not sell you those chicks. I know that for certain because we do not sell live pets here. I also hate to inform you this, but when purchasing a box of chicks it comes at a certain risk. Sexing chicks at such a young age is incredibly difficult. However if you cannot or do not wish to keep the roosters, most places that sell them will take them back. However in order to fix this situation, you need to contact the people that actually sold you the birds.”

(The customer suddenly goes all quiet and sheepish.)

Customer: “This isn’t [other pet store], is it?”

Me: “No, sir, this is [my pet store].”

Customer: *click*

(I am cashier at a pet store. I see a man walk into the store, pick up a large and expensive coffee table book on show dogs, and get in my line. My manager has warned me, and shown me a picture of this man. He tries to convince cashiers to give him a refund for items he has just stolen. I immediately page my manager, who, unbeknownst to me, is tied up with a minor medical emergency in the back of the store.)

Thief: “I want to return this item.”

Me: “Do you have a receipt?”

Thief: “No.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir. Without a receipt, I cannot give you a refund.”

Thief: “Give me a refund.”

Me: “Sir, I watched you pick that book up when you came in. I know you did not buy it.”

Thief: “Give me the f****** money, or I’ll kick your a**.”

(Most of the customers in my line start backing away.)

Me: “Sir, I cannot give you any money, and if you leave with that item I will call the police. Please leave the store.”

Thief: “You little a**-hole!”

(The thief grabs the front of my shirt, and rears his arm back to punch me. I throw my arms up to shield my face. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a flash of movement. The next thing I see is a spatter of blood on my counter, and the man out cold on the floor with a bloody nose. My manager, with a paramedic from the earlier emergency, walks up.)

Manager: “What just happened?”

(As I tell my story, an assistant manager calls the police, opens another line, and checks out the waiting customers. The paramedic starts checking on the man, who has a clearly broken nose. The man slowly regains consciousness, and points to me.)

Thief: “She assaulted me! I’m going to sue!”

(I talk to the police.)

Me: “He grabbed me, but I never hit him. I don’t know how he got hurt!”

(The man, a known criminal, is handcuffed and put in the police car. The officers and my manager go to review the security cameras. About ten minutes later, I get called to come back to the office.)

Manager: “You have got to watch this!”

(The camera footage clearly showed the man getting the book, getting in line, arguing with me, and then grabbing my shirt. At that moment, the customer in line after him, a tiny, middle-aged Asian woman, leaped up, grabbed the hair on the back of his head, slammed his face into my counter, and then calmly stepped back to where she had been standing. She did it so quickly that we have to run the footage back on slow to see exactly what she had done. After the thief was out cold, she walked over to the new line that the assistant manager opened, bought her bag of cat food with cash, and left without a word. Apparently, the other customers either didn’t see what she did, or decided to keep their mouths shut. We have no idea who she was, and we never saw her again. The thief was charged with assault on me, and arrested. Wherever you are, lady, thanks! You’re my personal superhero!)

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