(I’m seven years old. My mother is taking me around to different pet stores to select a hamster. I’m rather picky as I want something unique, but we’re at the third store when she makes an effort to get me to choose a particular hamster she likes. Not only is the hamster’s coat a plain solid color, it also appears quite overweight.)

Mom: “Come on, this one seems very sweet.”

Me: “I don’t want that one. It’s boring and kind of fat.”

Store Employee: “Actually, we’re pretty sure that one’s pregnant.”

Me: “I want that one.”

Mom: “No.”

This story is part of our Hamsters Roundup!

Read the next Hamster Roundup story!

Read the Hamsters Roundup!

(I work at a pet store/grooming salon establishment. One of the grooming dogs comes in with a suspected yeast infection. We inform the customer of the possibility, and they say they will take care of it. A week later, I’m opening the store and the customer comes back in.)

Customer: “I demand to speak to the groomer!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but she’s not here right now. She doesn’t have any groom appointments for today. Was there anything I could help you with?”

Customer: “Yeah, you can explain to me why the h*** your groomer said my dog had a yeast infection, when nothing I’ve been doing to treat it has been working! I demand reimbursement for the cost of the treatment!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that ma’am, but I’m afraid we can’t reimburse you for veterinary treatment you’ve sought because of a medical condition that existed in your dog prior to the grooming appointment.”

Customer: “Veterinary treatment? I didn’t go to the vet!”

Me: “You haven’t? What treatment have you been using that needs reimbursing?”

Customer: “I’ve bought $40 worth of bread in the past week!”

Me: “…bread?”

Customer: “Yeah! The groomer said it was a f****** yeast infection, so I’ve been giving him lots of bread to fix it!”

Me: “I’m… not sure I follow ma’am.”

Customer: “What, am I not giving him enough bread? Does he need bread with more yeast in it?”

Me: “Oh… OH! Uhm, having a yeast infection doesn’t mean he needs to eat things with yeast IN it.”

Customer: “So… he doesn’t need bread?”

Me: “…no.”

(I instruct the customer to add pro-biotic yogurt to her dog’s food and take him to the vet as soon as she could. The customer leaves rather embarrassed. We get a call later on that her dog recovers soon after that, and now she’s a regular customer for yogurt dental bones!)

(I’m shopping for pet supplies at my local store when I overhear a conversation.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss?”

Employee: “Yes, ma’am? How can I help you?”

Customer: “My son’s gerbil just died. It was only two years old. He’s been completely miserable ever since.”

Employee: “Oh… I’m sorry about that. Did you want to look for a new pet? Our small animal section is right over here. We have hamsters, gerbils, guinea pigs—”

Customer: “Yes. But I don’t see much point in getting an animal that’s just going to die in two years. Don’t you have any animals that don’t die?”

Employee: “…excuse me?”

Customer: Animals… that… don’t… die. Do you have any?”

(The employee gives her a blank look.)

Customer: “Do you have them or not?!”

Employee: “Um, I’m afraid all animals die eventually, ma’am. There’s nothing we can do about that.”

Customer: “Fine! I’ll just go to [rival store], because you people have nothing but inferior products here!”

(The customer storms out of the store, leaving the bewildered associate standing there by herself. She makes eye contact with me from across the aisle, and we both start cracking up.)

This story is part of our Hamsters Roundup!

Read the next Hamster Roundup story!

Read the Hamsters Roundup!

Customer: “I want betta fish. What size tank for those?”

Me: “I recommend at least a gallon, but if you can afford a five gallon one, that would be great!”

(The customer picks up one that holds only a pint of water.)

Customer: “How about this one?”

Me: “I really don’t recommend keeping your betta in a tank that small. Those are meant for temporary holding only. It’s not suited as a permanent home.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not? It says it’s for betta fish!”

Me: “Yes but that tank does not offer the amount of room necessary for a betta. It might be able to survive for a time, but it’s the equivalent of shoving a large dog in a closet and keeping it there for two years.”

Customer: “You don’t know what you’re talking about! Fish don’t think. They can’t feel pain. They’re nothing.”

Me: “As a matter of fact, they do. Their perception of pain is even more sensitive than humans.”

Customer: “Why should I care?”

Me: “If you don’t care, why do you want one if the first place?”

Customer: “To look nice! I want a pretty fish for people to look at when they visit my home!”

(I realize this customer isn’t going to provide a decent home for the fish, and refuse her the sale. The store owner agrees with me, and the customer storms out fishless.)

(A shipment of bearded dragons has just arrived at the store, and I’m placing them into the designated habitat when a customer walks up.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what are those?”

Me: “They’re baby bearded dragons.”

Customer: “Are those considered lizards or dragons?”

Me: “Uhh… they’re lizards, sir.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay.” *walks off disappointed*