Groomed To Be An A**-Hole

| USA | Crazy Requests

(We happen to work at a store extremely close to a high school which recently experienced a tragic shooting. Traffic builds up as parents are frantically trying to retrieve their children and belongings from the school. Police restrict access for safety reasons, causing spillover to multiple neighborhoods. This call comes within an hour of the event.)

Manager: “Hello, thank you for calling [Pet Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “There’s traffic near the school.”

Manager: “We’ve heard there was a shooting there just an hour ago, sadly. A few students are injured, with at least one confirmed death. It’s likely to be congested there for a while…”

Customer: *huffing* “Well, am I going to be able to get to my grooming appointment?”

Manager: *speechless*

Turn That Arrrrr Into An Awww

| PA, USA | Bizarre, Hall of Fame, Pets & Animals

(It’s about a week before Halloween. I’m working at a pet store when a man walks in dressed like a pirate. The entire time we’re having this conversation my coworker and I are trying not to laugh.)

Customer: “I would like to look at your parrots.”

Me: “Parrots? Yeah, we have those right over there in the bird section.”

(He asks a few questions about the various birds we have on sale and eventually decides on a Sun Conure.)

Customer: “Thank you! Now the seas won’t be so lonely!”

(He came in a few days later with his new pet to buy some bird toys and to show us the tiny pirate bandana he made it.)

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Stupidity Unplugged

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

(The customer is purchasing an electric heating pad for the bottom of his lizard cage.)

Customer: *holding the plug* “Will this work if I don’t plug it in?”

Shouldn’t Count On A Discount

| Long Island, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers

Customer: “[My Name] always gives me a deal on these.”

Me: “I’m [My Name].”

Customer: “Are you sure? Is there another [My Name]?”

Me: “No, I’m the only one. Yes, I’m sure that’s my name.”

Customer: “…So, can I get a discount?”

Location Dislocation

| NL, Canada | Bad Behavior

(This is also the start of a sale where you can get 25% off a bag of dog food if you present a coupon sent through e-mail and your frequent buyer card. As such, there is a huge line in our tiny store. Another note: we’re the tiniest of three locations in the province. Each location is about 20 minutes away from one another. The customer here is a sweet and patient woman.)

Customer: “Hi, do you have [Brand Food] in the largest bag? I called down earlier and you said you guys had it, but it’s not on the shelf.”

Me: “Hmm, well, I have taken all calls and haven’t received anything for that food. I’ll look, though.”

(I go out back to search, but there is none left. On my way out I ask my coworker but she hasn’t gotten a call about that brand either.)

Me: “Sorry, but we don’t have [Brand Food] in that size bag, but we do have the one size smaller.”

Customer: *suddenly yelling at me and waving her hands around* “EXCUSE ME?! I DROVE ALL OF THE WAY FROM ACROSS TOWN. I called here. You said yes. Manager, NOW!”

Me: *a little taken aback* “She won’t be in until tomorrow morning. I can call another location and see if maybe you called their number by mistake. It happens quite a lot.”

Customer: “NO. I don’t have time. Just give me a larger discount off a smaller bag. That’ll do.”

Me: “No can do. I have no authority over that. The best I can do is make note and you can present your coupon when it is shipped to our store.”

Customer: “I don’t have a coupon. I saw someone as your cash get a discount, so I want one too.”

Me: “…You need a coupon to get that discount. It’ll be easy, just give your e-mail on our webpage.”

Customer: “You’re so rude.”

(Then there is a sudden change in mood, this time to having tears in her eyes.)

Customer: “You know, I drove ALL the way here. Couldn’t you help me out?”

Me: “No. Again, I cannot just give discounts out willy-nilly. You don’t have a coupon. You also have driven directly past two other locations on your way here. This was the LEAST convenient place for you to have gone.”

(I leave without her response, and I call another location to see if they received her call. The one farthest from us, closest to her, had gotten her call and reserved it in her name. I relate this to her.)

Customer: “YOU’RE A LIAR. I CALLED HERE AT 722-****. YOU SAID YES!” *now trying to hit me, but being a boxer, I easily dodge without touching her, avoiding complications* “YOU B****. I AM REPORTING YOU!”

Me: “You called 722?”

Customer: “YES! YOU GUYS ANSWERED. SAID YES. AND NOW YOU’RE LYING TO ME!”

Me: “That’s [Other Location closest to her]. We’re 745.”

(She didn’t give me a goodbye, just started crying and ran out. My manager called me into her office two days later and told me she tried to report me. But since the camera showed that she was the one trying to hit me, and generally throwing a tantrum, they ignored it and I still have a sparkling reputation!)

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