Barking Crazy

| Boston, MA, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

Me: “Hello! How are you today?”

Customer: “Hi there. I just wanted to let you know I had to throw away one of my dog’s toys that I bought here.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that! What was wrong with it?”

Customer: “Well, my dog was just OBSESSED with it. She loved it! Even after I took it away, she still wanted it! It MUST be those Chinese chemicals they put in them!”

(Pause.)

Coworker: “Is it a full moon?”

He Shed His Brain A While Ago

| PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

Customer: “Do you have anything that can prevent a dog from shedding?”

Me: “Yes, we have brushes and combs for—”

Customer: “No, I mean something to stop them from shedding all together?”

Me: *confused* “Uhm. No. We don’t.”

Customer: “So, there’s not, like, a pill or something that could make a dog not shed?”

Me: “No, it’s natural for animals to shed hair. They have to—”

Customer: “So, if I went to the vet, I couldn’t get, like, a shot or something that will make them stop shedding?”

Me: “No, animals have to shed. They lose hair because—”

Customer: “So, if I invented something that would make a dog never shed, I’d be, like, rich.”

Me: “Uhmm… I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Customer: “But what if I did? Then I’d be rich!”

Me: *giving up* “Yup, I guess so.”

Customer: *to his girlfriend* “Hey, babe! If I invented a shot that could make it so dogs never shed, I’d be rich!”

Dying To Hold A Puppy

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

(I go into a pet store in a mall with my younger sister, who is probably seven. They have puppies and kittens on display.)

Sister: “Can we hold one of the puppies?”

Employee: *sizing us up, realizing we’re siblings and not parent and child* “I’m sorry, little girl, but we can only let you hold the puppies if your mom is here with you.”

Sister: “OUR MOM IS DEAD!”

(She stomped out of the store, dragging me behind her. Our mom was actually not dead and was just shopping a few stores down.)

Flea, You Fools!

| PA, USA | Pets & Animals, Popular

Customer: “I need flea medicine.”

Me: “Okay, sir, one second.”

(I grab the key for the flea control case and walk over. I unlock the case.)

Me: “Okay, what do you need?”

Customer: “Flea medicine.”

(I stare blankly at the customer for a moment before gesturing to the case which contains multiple different brands of flea control, all for different sized dogs and cats.)

Me: “Sir, there’s six different brands in here.”

Customer: “Uh….”

Customer’s Wife: “D*****, you can’t do anything yourself!” *to me* “I need a four-pack of [Brand] for an 80-pound dog.”

Me: “Thank you, ma’am!”

Customers Without Filters, Part 2

| OH, USA | Technology

(I work in a pet store where I sometimes deal with filters for fish tanks. They are arranged by brand and tank size, i.e. 20 gallons, 55 gallons. I am occasionally called upon to deduce what type of filter or filter cartridge a customer needs. An old man comes up to me with a filter in a plastic shopping bag.)

Customer: “I need this filter.”

(I proceed to inspect the filter looking for identifying marks, like brand and size. There are absolutely none.)

Me: “Hmm… do you know what brand this is?”

Customer: “Lake… land?”

Me: “That doesn’t sound familiar. We must not carry it. Let’s see if we can find something that’ll fit your tank. What size is it?”

Customer: *points to filter* “That size.”

Me: *utterly nonplussed* “Five… gallons?”

Customer: “I don’t know; it’s that size.” *makes vague gestures of dimension*

Me: “Well, that seems like three to five gallons. We don’t have many filters for something that small, but let’s see what I can find.”

(I walk to the aisle with the filters and pick up the one filter we carry for tanks that small. He looks at it.)

Customer: “This isn’t the same filter.”

Me: “I know, but this is the only one we carry for the size it sounds like your tank is.”

Customer: “But I want THIS filter.”

(He wanders further down the aisle to look at the other filters and I help a few other customers. He walks back up to me.)

Customer: *smugly* “I found the filter. You should really know your merchandise.”

Me: “Oh, you did? Where was it?”

Customer: “There. It’s that brand, but it doesn’t look like those.”

Me: “The smallest size we carry in that brand is 20 gallons, and that’s too big for your tank.”

Customer: “But it’s the same brand.”

Me: “We just don’t have that filter. I showed you the one filter we have that would fit your tank.”

Customer: *very exasperated* “Well, can I special order it?”

(I explain that it’s just not something our store as a whole can do, especially if I don’t even know WHAT KIND of filter it even is!)

Customer: “I don’t like that answer.”

Me: “I’m… sorry? Would you like to talk to a manager?”

Customer: “That’s not a good answer. You should get some more training.”

Me: *I’m so done* “Thank you.”

(We walked off in opposite directions and I was so frustrated I went in the back and kicked a box. For the record I’ve been there over a year and I’m the assistant manager of the dang department! I’m not a wizard!)

Related:
Customers Without Filters

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