(At the pet store I work at, we cannot sell bunnies close to Easter for obvious reasons. The same applies to snakes, spiders, and black cats close to Halloween. A few incidents of people bringing them back was too much for the owner. Some customers don’t or refuse to understand this, however. Example #1:)

Man: “Hi, can you show me where the bunnies are? I’d like to buy some.”

Coworker: “Sorry, sir, but we’re not allowed to sell rabbits so close to Easter.”

Man: “What?! This is ridiculous! I can’t have an Easter party without a d*** rabbit!”

Coworker: “Again, sorry but rules are rules. We had people buying pets in impulse and bringing them back shortly after.”

Man: “So? Who wants animals after they served their purpose?”

(Example #2:)

Customer: “Excuse me, can you show me where the kittens are?”

Me: “Sure, but I hope you weren’t planning on a black cat, since we’re not allowed to sell those during Halloween season.”

Customer: “What?! Without a black cat my decor and costume will be ruined! What about snakes?”

Me: “It’s a no for them and spiders.”

Customer: “Fine! I’ll go to the animal shelter.”

Me: “Pretty sure they have a similar policy.”

This story is part of the Easter roundup!

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(My wife and son run an independent pet shop, which also has an online shop. One of the many items for sale is a microchip cat flap, designed to stop cats with unprogrammed chips or no chip from entering a house. They receive an email that reads as follows:)

Customer: “We really like the idea and look of the microchip cat flap; however, our cats have no microchips. Will it still work?”

(My wife, my dad, and I are looking at the cats up for adoption at a pet supply store, but we absolutely don’t want to adopt, as we all have too many cats already. My dad has a sense of humor that can be very confusing to those who don’t know him well. An employee walks up to us.)

Employee: “Are you guys looking to adopt a friend today?”

Dad: “Get behind me, Satan.”

(The employee was stunned, and my wife and I were equal parts horrified and amused. My dad acted as if this was a perfectly cordial thing to say. We checked out and left the store. Outside, we explained to him that the employee did not get his joke, so he bought a blank greeting card from the shop next door and wrote, “Sorry I called you Satan,” on the front. I didn’t get to see the employee’s face when my dad gave him the card, but somehow I doubt it made him any less confused.)

(My boyfriend is in the Army National Guard and has been away in training for three months. While he’s been gone I’ve been taking care of his bearded dragon. Today I’m wearing a jacket that says Army, and has his name on it. Today is also Veterans Day.)

Me: “Hello, can I have 57 crickets, please?”

Employee: “57? That’s a precise number there!”

Me: “Yes, sir! I only have a little bit of money to spare, and I did the math, and that’s how many I can get!”

Employee: “I understand! Nice jacket! Are you in the Army?”

Me: “No, sir. My boyfriend is. He’s in training now; it’s his dragon I’m buying the crickets for.”

Employee: “That’s pretty cool! My girl wouldn’t even look after my fish when I went on vacation!”

(We laugh, then he proceeds to bag up my crickets. While I knew he couldn’t get an exact amount, I notice there’s well over the amount I asked for in the bag.)

Employee: “All righty, ma’am! That’ll be $3.87.”

Me: “Are you sure? There’s way more than what I asked for; it should be almost $10!”

Employee: *smiles* “I know, ma’am. Tell your boyfriend thank you for his service. You have a blessed day!”

Me: “Can I hug you?”

(I left the store almost in tears from this man’s generosity. When I got to talk to my boyfriend later that evening, he couldn’t believe it! Now that employee gives me a discount every time I go in!)

This story is part of our Veteran’s Day roundup!

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(It has always been company policy that without a receipt the store can only refund the customer with store credit. The management in our store is particularly unwavering about this, since we have had quite a few shoplifters try to return stolen high-price items for cash. Customers will occasionally get upset with this policy and cause a scene. I am passing by the register where a new hire is dealing with one such customer. It is only her second week, and she is clearly overwhelmed.)

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Coworker: “She’s trying to return this item without a receipt. I’ve told her that we can only give her store credit for it.”

Customer: *angrily* “So, what? You’re not going to give me my money back?”

Me: “Without a receipt, I’m afraid we can only give it back to you as store credit. It’s just corporate policy.”

Customer: “So, then, I can’t return this and get my money back? That’s ridiculous!”

Me: *seeing that this isn’t going anywhere* “Let me double-check with my manager.”

(I step into the [empty] office, wait five seconds, and then come back out.)

Me: “Unfortunately, they said the same thing: we can only accept the return for store credit or as part of an exchange.”

Customer: *calmly* “All right. I guess I’ll just take the store credit.”

(The rest of the transaction goes smoothly and the customer leaves.)

Me: *to my coworker* “They always assume the cashiers are lying to them.”