A Little Bird Told Her To Shop Online

| MA, USA | Money

(I answer the phone and the man on the other line hardly responds to my greeting before just throwing out the names of several brands of bird food.)

Me: “I’m sorry; did you want me to send these bags of food to you?”

Customer: “No, I just want to see if you have them.”

Me: “Oh, all right.”

(I proceed to walk around the store and find the brands he is listing off. He asks for the price of one and I tell him.)

Customer: “Oh, well, here on Amazon it’s [almost half the price we sell it for].”

Me: “Yes, Amazon can sell it for less money, but unfortunately this is the price we need to sell it at.”

Customer: “How about [Another Brand of bird food]?”

Me: “[Our price].”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s cheaper on Amazon, too. How about [ten pound bag of Particular Brand]?”

Me: “[Our price].”

Customer: “No, the TEN pound bag.”

Me: “Yes, this is the ten pound bag. Were you looking for the 44 oz. bag?”

Customer: “No, ten pound. On Amazon it’s [almost half of what our price is]. Why is yours so expensive?”

Me: “The price you just gave me is only a little more than what WE buy the product at. In order to cover the expense and make a profit, we have to sell it at what we have it at.”

Customer: “Well, that’s silly.”

Me: “Yes, it is silly that small businesses like ours are going out of business because people are buying their products online.”

Customer: “Well, you’ve got good bird toys, but I’m going to have to pass on your food. Bye.”

(I am sympathetic to people needing to save money, but I was rather peeved to have spent time walking around the store listing off the prices of food he wasn’t going to buy and then have him tell me our prices were “silly.”)

Recoup The Coupon

| CA, USA | At The Checkout

(I work at a pet store and all coupons must be printed to be used in store. There is even a little note taped to the checkout table.)

Customer: “Hi, I have a bunch of coupons on my phone I would like to use.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t accept any coupons unless they are printed.”

Customer: “What? But I’ve always done this. They let me do it at the other pet store!”

Me: “Uh, let me get my manger.”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “Since when can’t I use coupons from my phone?! This is ridiculous.”

Manager: “Sorry, sir, it’s our store policy; we can’t accept them.”

(The customer begins cursing at my manager and eventually says:)

Customer: “BY LAW YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THESE COUPONS! THEY HAVE YOUR LOGO ON THEM!”

Me: “By law we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone. So you can either buy the dog food or leave.*

(He eventually left but not without yelling a few choice words.)

Unable To Register With Some Customers

| ID, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

My first day on the job, it is our grand opening. I had even helped build the store. I am standing at the register waiting for customers to arrive. For a grand opening it’s pretty slow.)

Trainer: “Okay, so the goal is to get people registered in our system, so always ask for a name, email, and phone number. It also helps them get the sales price on items. You may override the system but only in special circumstances.”

(A grumpy looking elderly man walks up to register. I already didn’t want to ask but I do because the trainer is there.)

Me: “Hello, sir, did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “Yeah, I guess so.”

Me: “Do you have a savings card with us yet?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, well, would you like to get enrolled to get the sales price?”

Customer: “So, I won’t get the sales price without it?”

Me: “No. It doesn’t take very long. It’s just a phone number, and your name and email are optional.”

Customer: “I don’t want to give my information out; do you know where all this information goes?”

Me: “Uhm… no.” *thinking maybe he is worried about theft*

Customer: “The government. They use our numbers and emails in your system to monitor and track us down.”

(At this the point the trainer is very concerned and is still trying to convince the man to sign up.)

Trainer: “Sir, I assure you, we don’t give your information out to anyone.”

Customer: “YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME, BUT IT’S TRUE! THEY HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR ME AND THEY’RE WAITING IN A WHITE VAN TO GRAB ME!”

Trainer: *looks at me and sighs* “Just go ahead and override it.”

(This was my very FIRST customer.)

A Thief In Wolf’s Clothing

| CO, USA | Pets & Animals

(I’ve just left a pet store with my dog, when I notice that my dog is chewing something. I check and it’s a treat bone from within the store. I take it from him and bring it back in.)

Me: “So… I kind of have to pay for this. My dog took it with him out the store.”

Clerk: “Oh, the huskie? That’s so cute. What’s the guy’s name?”

Me: “…Bandit.”

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Starved Of Useful Information

| TN, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(I’m the manager at a pet store, and I’ve always had a soft spot for reptiles. My favorites are leopard geckos, so I’m always eager to give advice to customers interested in them. One day I’m bagging crickets for a customer who has leopard geckos at home, and we start a conversation about them.)

Customer: “Yeah, for some reason, their appetites increase during the summer.”

Me: “That’s normal. The warmer temperatures make them more active, so they’re going to eat more.”

Customer: “I just don’t know what’s going on. My leopard geckos always act like they’re starving!”

Me: “Oh? How often do you feed them?”

Customer: “Once a month.”

Me: *wondering if maybe I misheard and she has a snake* “What type of animal did you say you have again?”

Customer: *annoyed* “Lizard!”

Me: “But what type of lizard?”

Customer: “Gecko? Leopard gecko.”

Me: “Ma’am, leopard geckos need to eat every other day! Three times a week at the bare minimum!”

Customer: “That’s not true! More than once a month will kill them.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve had leopard geckos since I was in middle school. They’re my favorite animal in this building. You NEED to feed them more than once a month, or they WILL starve.”

Customer: *huffy and offended* “Well, I’ve had leopard geckos for years, so I know what I’m doing.”

(I later found out that she’d complained to the cashier about how rude “the cricket girl” was and had threatened to call the manager. Since I WAS the manager, a part of me wishes she had!)

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