Customer: “Are your fish over there?” *pointing to the dog toy aisle*

Me: “No, sir. The fish are under the giant sign that says fish… where the huge wall of fish is.”

(I am an associate at a pet supply store, and I’m a little hard of hearing. A man comes into the store and walks up to me.)

Customer: “Hi. I’ve got some stellar jays that—” *mumble mumble*

Me: *craning my ear to the customer* “Sorry, come again?”

Customer: *loudly* “I’ve got some stellar jays that I give peanuts to. Do you have any peanuts?”

Me: “I’m not sure if we have anything that’s just peanuts, but let’s see what’s on the shelf.”

(I lead him to the birdseed section and we don’t have any peanuts. Without saying anything, I motion to a bag of mixed nuts, which includes peanuts.)

Customer: “No, I need shelled peanuts.” *frames his mouth with his hands to amplify his voice, even though I’m standing right next to him, and SCREAMS* “SHELLED! SHELLED! IN THE SHELL!”

(For the record, in common parlance, “shelled” nuts are ones that have been removed from their shells; he is actually looking for “in-shell” peanuts.)

Customer: “You know what, never mind. Maybe someone else can…”

(He trailed off and turned around, leaving me stunned. He asked my coworker for peanuts; she lead him back to the birdseed and again found no peanuts. She offered to call another store, but the customer snapped, “Forget it!” and stormed out of the store. Later, we got a call from head office saying this customer complained about “the blonde bimbo [me] who doesn’t know what a peanut is.” Considering that I didn’t even get to say three sentences to the guy, I have no idea how he got that impression of me!)

(A woman approaches our cashier to ask if we carry “water things for cats.” Since the cashier is in a transaction with a line of people, she pages for floor help. I come over to see what is going on.)

Me: “Hi there. How can I help you?”

Customer: “You work here? I need a water thing. It’s for my cats.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. Let’s go take a look at what’s on the shelf. Was there something in particular you were looking for?”

Customer: “No. I don’t know what it’s called. I’ll know it when I see it.”

(We go to the aisle and start going through her options. Does she want a regular dish? No, her cat won’t drink from a dish. How about a fountain? No, that requires a filter and cleaning and she doesn’t want to plug it in. Finally, we come to the gravity water dispensers.)

Me: “You fill the bottle with water and put it in like this, and then the water flows out and fills the basin. No electricity, no filters, it’s easy to wash, and you probably won’t have to fill it more than a few times a week.”

Customer: “How does it work? Why doesn’t the water just come out?”

Me: “There’s a trigger at the bottom of the bottle that doesn’t open until it’s pushed—”

Customer: “Pushed by what? I don’t see what you’re doing.”

Me: “See this white piece that moves up when I push on it? That’s the trigger. It’s held shut by gravity to keep the water in until something — like the basin — pushes it up to let the water out.”

Customer: “This sounds too complicated. How will my cats know what to do?”

Me: “Well… the cats just drink from the basin. There’s a water fountain by the bathrooms. We can put some water in it and I can show you what I’m talking about.”

Customer: “No. Oh! What fountains do you have?”

Me: “For animals? The fountains are here but they’re all electric.”

Customer: “Won’t they take batteries? I’m sure you can put some 9V or something in it.”

Me: “No… they’re all plug-in, unfortunately. If you don’t want a regular bowl and you don’t want to use electricity, the gravity basin is your best bet.”

Customer: “Well, you’re not doing a very good job of explaining how it works.”

(I explain it again, taking the whole thing apart and showing her piece by piece.)

Me: “I’m sure there are videos online if you’d like me to look them up. Or I can give you a demonstration.”

Customer: “No. If you can’t explain it, I don’t want to buy it.”

Me: *fed up* “Okay, well, I hope you find what you’re looking for elsewhere. Have a nice night.”

(She later calls the store and complains about my lack of knowledge about products and my attitude. I walk my manager through the interaction.)

Me: “I don’t know what else I could have done to help her, short of taking it home for her and showing her cats how to use it. I can explain it a dozen different ways but that doesn’t change her ability to understand.”

(We get a lot of families with kids that just want to look at the animals. Sometimes the parents can be a bit clueless when it comes to anything other than a dog or a cat, so I have to have this conversation every couple of months. It’s important to note that my store only sells male small animals: guinea pigs, hamsters, etc.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I think this hamster is having a baby.”

(I go to look because, even though it’s very rare, our supplier sometimes sends a female by mistake.)

Me: “It’s not having a baby.”

Customer: “Then it’s got a massive tumor! Something’s wrong with it!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a male hamster, and that’s not a tumor. Those are testicles.”

(They usually get really quiet after that.)

(I’m a manager at a pet store and we do allow people to bring their pets into the store. However, we do have stipulations.)

Me: *answering phone* “Hello, [Pet Store], how may I help you?”

Caller: “My puppy has fleas; can you help?”

Me: “I think we can; we have many items to help with fleas. Can I ask you about your puppy?”

(He goes on to explain about his puppy, and it’s obvious over the phone he’s got a bad flea problem.)

Me: “I can help you right away if you come to the store. Just ask for me.”

Caller: “Okay, I’ll be right there. Is it okay if I bring my puppy?”

Me: “Sir, while we do allow pets in the store, I’m going to ask that you do not bring your puppy, because we do not want our other guests to get infested.”

Caller: “Okay, I understand. I’ll be there in about ten minutes.”

(Sure enough, about ten minutes later a man shows up, but he does have his puppy with him and it is literally covered head to toe in fleas.)

Me: “Sir, aren’t you the man I just spoke with on the phone? Didn’t I ask you not to bring your puppy?”

Caller: “Yes, but I wanted you to see just how bad it was!”

(I managed to get him to take his puppy outside. He was actually a very nice customer and very happy to have me help him out, and eventually, he did see why he shouldn’t have brought his dog into the store.)